nazgulinthedark
Super Senior Member
suddenly megatron from transformers walks in and blasts the black guy with his fusion cannon. "what?" he asks. "damn. i thought that was starscream. where the hell are you, you traitor?"
then darth vader charges after megatron and then The power rangers come out and are squashed once and for all by Megatron. Darth Vader and Megatron stop their battle to laugh at their remains, as does the black guy and Jackbob. Then Jackbob asks "black guy, how did u come back to life?"
"oh, it's simple," he responds. "first, you take a bottle of lubrication oil..."
Megatron stares at the black guy. "damn you, you should be dead. NONE DEFY MY ORDERS!"
Suddenly, at the worst possible moment Starscream flies overhead. "Except me," he says.
"oh yes, except you," megatron sighs, and then he turns to the black guy and. Whacks him with a giant hammer, and all of a sudden, the black guy grows at an enormous rate and says. THIS IS MY CITY... MY CITY! And charges at Starscream and Megatron Starscream charges his null cannon and fires at the black guy. Black guy screams like a girl and says, "ok, ok, you win..."
Then Agent Smith comes in and says "Buwahaha, you shall all perish," and attempts to clone himself onto Starscream. All Smith gets out of it is a really sore face as he's punched he retaliates and runs away like a baby. Then Luke Skywalker pops out of nowhere. "I will not fight you father," he says, and Vader charges him. Skywalker does nothing and gets his head slashed off. All evil guys present (Vader, Megatron, Starscream, and Saddam's corpse) laugh. "That's how the movie should have ended." Then the evil guys shake hands and drink beer in celebration. They all get drunk and begin to get horny, rape one another, and jump into Saddam's hole, and are never seen again. Finally, the black man goes back to Jackbob, and says... "Anyhew, we had plans to get you out of the matrix, but this is good shit! Screw the war with the machines! Screw the one! Who needs that when you've got a 12 pack!" Jackbob, the black guy and Megatron walk down the street of Boston, in search of Pizza. But then Starscream flies by saying "I have all your pizza and you'll never find it," then he tries eating it, only to realize that he's only a giant robot. "Damn it!" In random anger he decides to fly to Boston Harbor. Jackbob and black guy blink in response. "ok..."
But they were unable to get pizza. but then black guy tells jack bob, "in the matrix, you can get pizza whenever u need to. all u gotta do is..." "...tap you heals three times.... wait wrong movie. All you gotta do is call out "Lassie!"... no that's not right either... All you gotta do is sing "You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant... with FEELIN' and you'll get your pizza." Sure enough, they got their pizza, and got the peperoni with four part harmony. Black guy turns around and looks at Jackbob who is staring blankly at him. "What?" Black guy asks.
"Alices Restuarant? WTF?" he asks.
"omg. THE SONG. A 25 minute song about a guy not getting chosen in the draft. OMFG. LETS JUST CALL DOMINOES."
*they call dominoes*
doiminoe guy : how can i rape you?
black goy : one large pepperonii
dominoe goy: sure thing, here or to go?
They agree, call dominoes, and get cheesy bread along with their pizza, and when stuffed, roll down the hill. Yes, the hill. There's a hill there. Because I said there was one. And there's nothing you can do about it. Then a giant flying pig flew overhead. And they looked up. And stared. And said together... "how beautiful!"
Then the flying pig takes a shit on them. They pout, but then an earthquake starts. It opens up the ground right underneat them. They start panicking and then they hug each other and watch the pig fly away into the sunset, black guy: isn't the matrix beutiful?
*record stopping screech* "WAIT! This isnt supposed to be a happy story!" says Jackbob.
*commence violence*
I knew you just wanted my love all along, you black man you! - says Jackbob
The black man replies "Thats not all i wanted," he says, showing him Jackbob's credit card.
"HEY!" he shouts. "MY CREDIT CARD!"
"Now i can buy all the gay porn i want," Black guy says.
Starscream suddenly swoops down and shoots black guy. Smoking crater is in his place.
"I wonder if hes gonna come back to life again," the decipticon sighs, and flies away again.
*black guy comes back to life, even blacker than before from being burnt* THey have to stop shooting me, black guy thinks. Then he gets an idea.
"Jackbob, it's time i teach you the ways in the force...i mean matrix...i mean... aw man. What movie is this?"
Magneto, Skeletor, Hitler, anonymous thug, Darth Vader, and Saruman, all in the background shrug. "Im so confused," black guy says. Then, Frodo walks by, and says... "Can you show me the way to Mordor?" to the black guy and Jackbob.
"Sure, sounds fun!" replies Jackbob.
We see a panning shot of the black guy, Jackbob, and Frodo, walk into the sunset, setting out on their quest. saruman: dude how did i get here?
he runs up to black guy and tries to make him spin on the floor li,e gandalf for not telling him what movie it was. The black guys escapes just in time to keep up with the others in the everlasting pan shot that's really big. "I hope Mordor is like a vacation spot," Jackbob says to Frodo. Frodo blinks.
"Uh...yeah it sure is!" he says. Then an old gypsy man walks by chanting. Frodo pokes the OGM and then the guys goes "AHFHG"and then frodo gets turned into a...turkey.
"We're off to see Mordor! The wonderful mordor of...moz," frodo sings sourly. We then look back, and see Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas...
"We're hot on their trail" says Aragorn. "The footprints are not yet a day old"
"I'm not good at cross country!" says Gimli! Then out of nowhere comes a go-kart. "SWEET!" he exclaims. they then run through a feild of beutiful flowers and fall asleep.
Its a kart from Mario kart.
Mario rushes by and chucks a shell at Gimli who goes flying.
"I hate my life," he sighs. "DAMN YOU MARIO I WILL GET YOU!"
We leave Mario and Gimli to battle it out. We see that Frodo's turned into a really large turkey and Jackbob and the black guy want something from Frodo.... you'd think it'd be the ring, but actually they're kinda hungry. All of a sudden Bowser pops out. "Roar" he roars. "Roar"
WE ignore Bowser cuz hes a fag.
And what is this? Starscream comes flying down and blasts the shit out of him. What a surprise. Then Frodo spontaniously turns back into a human again, and they all eat the remains of Bowser for dinner. Night passes, and in the distance, we can hear chants. The chants sound a bit like The wierd evil guys from wizard of oz. Then Dorothy runs into the camp of the three men.
"Oh, please good kind sirs, can you help me?"
The love-crazed men stare at her...
"Only if you do us a favor first..." The black man says
"What would that be?" Dorothy asks
"Well.." the black man begins... and grins
"You see, lady," aragorn says, "all you gotta do is"
Black guy pushes him over. "You see lady, take us to mordor! We dont know where it is." Others stare at him. "im gay remember?"
"Oh yeah" they say.
THen they glare at black guy and kill him. This is the fourth time black guy has died.
go get me a large pepperonii pizza dominoes, the other one never got delivered. Then everyone else wonders how Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli spontaniously appeared with Frodo, Jackbob, and the black guy, who somehow was revived, again...
"Easy!" says Aragorn, who points to the speeder that Luke lent them a few miles back.
"Off to Mordor!" the odd groups exclaims. "We're off to go to Mordor!" they start singing. "The wonderful mordor of...moz!"
They hop onto speeder and zoom off.
Vader and co. finally come out of Saddam's hole, finally sober somehow. Along with an army of Agent Smiths that came back to life after the matrix was repaired, they march toward the only safe place left, in intent to do battle with the free peoples of.... the planet.
black guy: isn't the matrix beutiful?
*big ugly pig flys over head*
The matrix reloads after that unexpected turn of events, and everything continues as normal.
The planets name is now Hobo 13.
The army of smiths then meet up with the starwars clone army and they clash...and some people die. Yup.
Back to the speeder, Aragorn and legolas look up. "Wheres gimli?"
"uh............" frodo looks strangley suspicious.
"what did u do?" they look back and see starscream sitting in the back. dont ask me how he fit. he just did.
frodo pushes starscream off of speeder, "all taken arre of!" he yells back at aragorn
Back at the mario kart raceway, we mario driving around. suddenly an axe flies into him and he dies. gimli walks up and picks up the axe. "yay i got him" he says.
Meanwhile back at the speeder...
But Starscream cannot be taken care of that easily! His desire for the ring is too extreme... he gets some big megabooster thingys and is about to crush the speeder with pure velocity.... but then out of the blue a giant pepperonii pizza hits him, throrghing him
He decides that the ring is utterly retarded and he blasts the ring to pieces with his null cannon...the collateral damage kills everyone else (except black guy who comes back to life). Starscream stares in shock. He just saved hobo 13!
*blak guy gasps*
He asks " are you gay too?"
"No, I'm not," says Starscream.
"Aww, shucks. So..." the black guy says to Starscream... "whyju do it?"
"Oh, it's not over," Starscream says."