.::Fanfiction.net & Forever in the Dark Update::.
NEW: Forever in the Dark by Sodapop Allerdyce (at FF.net) - Chapter 9: Fortress of Solitude (Song)
~*Please read and submit a review at the above location. Thank you!*~
Originally posted by RagingSilent
excellent song boppy👆.......very emotional words....
have u thought of writing songs maybe for a career?
Last month, I crashed and burned about once or twice, trying to write the ninth installment to Forever in the Dark. Originally, it was going to be a poem that would tell what has become of Agent Sands, having acquired a drunken state and then a major hangover later. That's the jest of it. There were other versions, now that I think of it, the plot angle. First, it was going to be about making references to a burning fire and it's embers, comparing his broken state to that. Second, there was a single flame that was ready to snuff itself out and that Agent Sands was losing oil, time. Something like that. Those ideas didn't pan out like I had thought. Then, a few odd weeks later, earlier this week, I was beginning to get bored in a block period of US Government and out of nowhere, I got inspired for the new installment to be a song. I had been singing random rock songs all day in my head while I was not paying attention to the boring lectures that the teachers gave out. My mind happened to have Nirvana's "Half the Man I Used to Be" stuck on repeat. I guess I sung it so much mentally, that that's what inspired "Fortress of Solitude". I worked diligently all period when I didn't need to pay attention and take notes. After class, worked on some during an FPA (Future Positions of America) Club meeting and shortly after I got home, I completed it. Just needed to done it a title and imagine an aritist singing it, although not entirely necessary, that last one. Once my work was completed, I felt proud of myself for accomplishing such a wonderful song and for having written something so good in so long. That's one of the high points of writing, makes you feel good and get certain thoughts off your chest, so to speak.
By the way, have read you read the previous eight installments of my saga? I think you did...but not so sure... *Shrugs* As for your question, not entirely. I have my heart set on writing, basically. But, most of all, I would like to write novels and have books filled with my poetry and songs on the side. I work really hard on my novels, and poetry is like a hobby in a way since it's free and easy to do. You know what I mean? Although I wouldn't make song writing my profession, I would like to submit some songs to famous rock musicians when I have the time and feel like it, during breaks from writing my novels and such. Does that answer your question?
Glory, this turned out to be a really bizarre poem! I was aiming to write a song that was loosely based off of a couple of songs, such as Vasoline by Nirvana and Scars by Papa Roach. But, somehow, it didn't turn out that way. I guess I just wasn't listening to the write music to help motivate me. Oh well. I'll try again later. I wanted to write a poem or song about that Nirvana song and based on it's title, in a way, to make sense of that song. Make my own version. Anyways, enjoy and don't get freaked out! LOL
Vasoline
harsh sunlight beaming down upon fragile flesh
deprieved of all color and moisture
evaporating away the sweat in a sickly mist
heating up the tissue of life
causing it to deepen to varying shades of red
burning away the flesh's defenses
skin cells divide as they shift apart
creating cracks between the borders
providing enough space for the heat to seep down into
allowing it to flood the body's casing
making it's way below to agitate the senses
flesh squirming, quivering under unbearable conditions
very soon, the skin cells will begin to turn to flakes
their grip upon the tissue weak
ready to fall to their doom
even the slightest motion causes a wild fire of pain
making it pointless to do anything
but lie there in agony and defeat
making you want to sceam out these horrors
as if that would make them go away
take your mind away
if only for a short while
knowing that it's waste
you don't bother to waste to your breath
accepting the pain to sink in
suffer quietly and alone
deep desire to make the pain go away for good
eyes roaming about the establishment for anything at all
cool water to sooth the burning sensation
lie down in bed and continue to feel sorry for yourself
place some sort of cream over the wound
lotions would be of no use to you
as the time slowly ticks away
every grand of sand that sifts through the hourglass
makes you quell and panic for your need of release is dire
the sunlight is snaking it's way further below the flesh
trying to cover more ground
driving you mad as possible
when will it ever stop, you ask?
finally, it strikes you that you need vasoline
an ointment that can work miracles for the flesh
the oily texture would shield your wound from the sun
fill up the canyons between skin cells
bind them back together and seal the burnt flesh
causing the old flaky layer to peel off
fall to the ground in great heaping amounts
your heart sings for joy as you watch the maraculous sight
a dreadful layer now gone
your flesh born anew
free of that previous burden, inconvience
feeling as though a great weight has been uplifted from your conscious
freedom to breath the free air and walk this earth again
no longer bound to the soils of despair
vasoline is the solution that can heal all and close the gaps
to strengthen the defenses once more
lol...*is not freaked out*.....
i love nirvanas lyrics....and your lyrics do remind me of them🙂...in the sense that they are somewhat distant from the ordinary, now this is not a bad thing❌.....because i love different things.......and your lyrics were very well written and i loved how each sentence 'moulded' together with ease🙂..another excellent piece boppy, keep it up!:up
why thank you for the compliments, jenni, as always! 😊 it's not a song, more of a poem that i don't plan on posting at fictionpress anytime soon. lol about moulding words, that's how i like to do all my writing. making extra sure and being the perfectionist that i am that everything flows together nicely and makes sense in my mind and as well as others. 😎 😮💨
I wrote this poem by hand on Monday and missed out on the new episode of Blue Collar TV just to finish it. It's very close to what I was aiming at for my previous effort, Vasoline, but not quite making it to the bull's eye of the target in my mind. Anyways, there had been a couple of things that had been bugging me all day that inspired Deeply Offended. First, this poem is about how I feel when this guy at school makes cruel comments about me. Second, I kind of got mad at one of my best friends, but quickly got over it. Thank goodness! But, the poem covers the first reason. The last two poems I did about this guy was called The Brutal of Tongue and An Empty Shell, I believe... (Did I get those titles right?) Well, enjoy this one and nuff' said:
Deeply Offended
Marked by an offensive behavior
Pointing out other's imperfections
Slipping comments of ignorance
Placing another's feelings at stake
Speaking at an alarming rate
Trying to up lift the guilt and pain
Allowing the soul to rest in peace
Having sinned of greed and pride
Cold is the heart that commits such a felony
Transferring one's grief for another to bear
Not having the valor to stand and fend off the intimidation
One less demon to worry about
One more for another to burden
Another level of hell to dispell
Deeply offended for all to see
The hunger for attention
Hanging innocent souls out to dry
Put them on a wide display for the audience
Always desiring spectators
Receiving sick pleasuere to behold their gaze
Treating the massacres like a show
Slaughtering emotions as one pleases
Watching the blood flow down like a river from the fresh wounds
Crimson and warm in all its glory
Clawing away ath the scar tissue
Teasing at the threads that bind them
Slowly loosening the fine stitching
Continuously picking at it until the ends come undone
Re-opening the fragile flesh
Fresh cuts marring the exterior
With every drop of blood spilled
Another ounce of confidence or tolerance is lost
Vanishing in a cloud of marvelous evanescence
The innocent soul takes in a mighty blow
Bowing down to the offensive comments
Not daring to rebel against this mighty force
Silently praying to be left alone in peace
Providing time to lick the vicious wounds
Time to heal and re-sow the old scars back up
Seal them off from prying eyes
Wanting nothing more but to perish from sight
Confining this wounded soul into a fortress of solitude
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
why thank you for the compliments, jenni, as always! 😊 it's not a song, more of a poem that i don't plan on posting at fictionpress anytime soon. lol about moulding words, that's how i like to do all my writing. making extra sure and being the perfectionist that i am that everything flows together nicely and makes sense in my mind and as well as others. 😎 😮💨
😄 no problem mon ami...
ohhhh ok.....🙂.....why would you not post it on fictionpress?...
heh..yes..moulding😄....
👆 then that is good🙂.....you write very well, whether that be stories, poems, or songs....you know what you're doing and your words are written perfectly....
✅ i completely understand...
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
I wrote this poem by hand on Monday and missed out on the new episode of Blue Collar TV just to finish it. It's very close to what I was aiming at for my previous effort, Vasoline, but not quite making it to the bull's eye of the target in my mind. Anyways, there had been a couple of things that had been bugging me all day that inspired Deeply Offended. First, this poem is about how I feel when this guy at school makes cruel comments about me. Second, I kind of got mad at one of my best friends, but quickly got over it. Thank goodness! But, the poem covers the first reason. The last two poems I did about this guy was called The Brutal of Tongue and An Empty Shell, I believe... (Did I get those titles right?) Well, enjoy this one and nuff' said:Deeply Offended
Marked by an offensive behavior
Pointing out other's imperfections
Slipping comments of ignorance
Placing another's feelings at stake
Speaking at an alarming rate
Trying to up lift the guilt and pain
Allowing the soul to rest in peace
Having sinned of greed and pride
Cold is the heart that commits such a felony
Transferring one's grief for another to bear
Not having the valor to stand and fend off the intimidation
One less demon to worry about
One more for another to burden
Another level of hell to dispell
Deeply offended for all to see
The hunger for attention
Hanging innocent souls out to dry
Put them on a wide display for the audience
Always desiring spectators
Receiving sick pleasuere to behold their gaze
Treating the massacres like a show
Slaughtering emotions as one pleases
Watching the blood flow down like a river from the fresh wounds
Crimson and warm in all its glory
Clawing away ath the scar tissue
Teasing at the threads that bind them
Slowly loosening the fine stitching
Continuously picking at it until the ends come undone
Re-opening the fragile flesh
Fresh cuts marring the exterior
With every drop of blood spilled
Another ounce of confidence or tolerance is lost
Vanishing in a cloud of marvelous evanescence
The innocent soul takes in a mighty blow
Bowing down to the offensive comments
Not daring to rebel against this mighty force
Silently praying to be left alone in peace
Providing time to lick the vicious wounds
Time to heal and re-sow the old scars back up
Seal them off from prying eyes
Wanting nothing more but to perish from sight
Confining this wounded soul into a fortress of solitude
someone makes cruel comments about u?🙁.........i cant imagine why......
dont worry boppy......the things this person says they do not mean....i mean, i used to be teased cuz i draw😖.....i mean, that is a crap ass reason to tease someone.....
do not pay any attention to what this guy says...he's obviously a wanker.....and if u ever wanna talk about it, if it effects u taht is....then i am always here to listen🙂
excellent, excellent!😄....👆 5 stars i give it😄.....i thoroughly enjoyed reading it.....and once again, your moulding technique was perfect😄....heh.....mould...*easily amused*....
i particularly liked these line....
'One less demon to worry about
One more for another to burden
Another level of hell to dispell'
these lines i felt moulded very well togther🙂...how one line carried on from the other....👆very good work....
Originally posted by RagingSilent
😄 no problem mon ami...ohhhh ok.....🙂.....why would you not post it on fictionpress?...
heh..yes..moulding😄....
👆 then that is good🙂.....you write very well, whether that be stories, poems, or songs....you know what you're doing and your words are written perfectly....
✅ i completely understand...
originally, i wasn't going to post "vasoline" because i wasn't satisified with the way it came out and it was just too bizarre and seemed pointless to be submitted there. but a few days ago, i did that anyway, along with "deeply offended". decided that i just wanted to get all of my original poems and songs on that site as much as possible, other than here. for now, i'm just getting recognized as a poet slash songwriter for now. but, eventually, i'll been known for my stories if i ever get around to it and crap like that. when i say crap, i mean lots of mental, enternal debates about all of the details, small and large, including the knowledge of all of the aspects of the story. can get quite exasperating when that happens, and draining. prolongs, holds off, the time that i should have started working on the stories. all i'm doing now with them is notes. not enough time and energy to get what i want on my stories down, which is started and posted at fp.com!
Originally posted by RagingSilent
someone makes cruel comments about u?🙁.........i cant imagine why......
dont worry boppy......the things this person says they do not mean....i mean, i used to be teased cuz i draw😖.....i mean, that is a crap ass reason to tease someone.....
do not pay any attention to what this guy says...he's obviously a wanker.....and if u ever wanna talk about it, if it effects u taht is....then i am always here to listen🙂excellent, excellent!😄....👆 5 stars i give it😄.....i thoroughly enjoyed reading it.....and once again, your moulding technique was perfect😄....heh.....mould...*easily amused*....
i particularly liked these line....
'One less demon to worry about
One more for another to burden
Another level of hell to dispell'
these lines i felt moulded very well togther🙂...how one line carried on from the other....👆very good work....
don't worry about me, jenni. i'm fine. i can handle him most of the time. as much of an ass he's been since the seventh grade. i've grown tolerant to most of his shit. but i'm just a sensitive person and think about it too much instead of saying something back and making a stand. that's just the type of person i am, i'm too nice most of the time. i don't like to be like that all the time, but i just am. i'm just living with that fact for now.
sometimes or most of the time, when i write a poem or song that centers alot on me and not so much a general one, i make the situation seem more dramatic and a tad out of proporation at times. not by a huge majarin or anything. just that the intense words i use bring out and get my emotions across alot better. because i feel deeply and think or act dramaticly towards certain things like the crap that guy gives me.
i am perfectly find and feel much better when i can vent about such crap to my friends, to lean on, and also get it off my chest and express it in words such as my poems and songs. that's what i love about writing, it can free the soul and feel quite accomplishing to hear what people have to say on what you have to say on a matter!
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
originally, i wasn't going to post "vasoline" because i wasn't satisified with the way it came out and it was just too bizarre and seemed pointless to be submitted there. but a few days ago, i did that anyway, along with "deeply offended". decided that i just wanted to get all of my original poems and songs on that site as much as possible, other than here. for now, i'm just getting recognized as a poet slash songwriter for now. but, eventually, i'll been known for my stories if i ever get around to it and crap like that. when i say crap, i mean lots of mental, enternal debates about all of the details, small and large, including the knowledge of all of the aspects of the story. can get quite exasperating when that happens, and draining. prolongs, holds off, the time that i should have started working on the stories. all i'm doing now with them is notes. not enough time and energy to get what i want on my stories down, which is started and posted at fp.com!
lol! crap....dont worry, i talk like that all the time....i call my stuff 'shit'....lol....😄
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
don't worry about me, jenni. i'm fine. i can handle him most of the time. as much of an ass he's been since the seventh grade. i've grown tolerant to most of his shit. but i'm just a sensitive person and think about it too much instead of saying something back and making a stand. that's just the type of person i am, i'm too nice most of the time. i don't like to be like that all the time, but i just am. i'm just living with that fact for now.sometimes or most of the time, when i write a poem or song that centers alot on me and not so much a general one, i make the situation seem more dramatic and a tad out of proporation at times. not by a huge majarin or anything. just that the intense words i use bring out and get my emotions across alot better. because i feel deeply and think or act dramaticly towards certain things like the crap that guy gives me.
i am perfectly find and feel much better when i can vent about such crap to my friends, to lean on, and also get it off my chest and express it in words such as my poems and songs. that's what i love about writing, it can free the soul and feel quite accomplishing to hear what people have to say on what you have to say on a matter!
as long as u can handle it🙂....then that is good to hear😊...
i used to be like that....no matter what someone said to me, no matter how harsh, i would never say something back, now that ive grown up, im not as patient with peoples bullsh!t....cuz people just start things for no reason......so ill usually say something back....cuz my school is full of @ssholes...
i know that you're a nice person🙂.....but, if people are bothering you, you should say something back to them,.even if its somthing small....cuz they deserve it if tey are starting it all....
✅ i understand what you're saying bout poems......when we exaggerate the feelings, it makes the poem much stronger and effective.....so i no what ur talkin bout😄,...
✅ exaaactly......writing tiz very expressive...
Originally posted by RagingSilent
as long as u can handle it🙂....then that is good to hear😊...i used to be like that....no matter what someone said to me, no matter how harsh, i would never say something back, now that ive grown up, im not as patient with peoples bullsh!t....cuz people just start things for no reason......so ill usually say something back....cuz my school is full of @ssholes...
i know that you're a nice person🙂.....but, if people are bothering you, you should say something back to them,.even if its somthing small....cuz they deserve it if tey are starting it all....
✅ i understand what you're saying bout poems......when we exaggerate the feelings, it makes the poem much stronger and effective.....so i no what ur talkin bout😄,...
✅ exaaactly......writing tiz very expressive...
same with my school, bunch of assholes. anyways...with this guy, it's best not to give him satisfaction by responding. it's hard not to respond at times, but i try my best to keep my mouth shut. at least there are two other people in my class who feel the same way about him, hate him that is.
Originally posted by RagingSilent
woh..no way........tiz a veerrrry good poem✅lol! crap....dont worry, i talk like that all the time....i call my stuff 'shit'....lol....😄
no, seriously and honestly, that poem was crappy. not pure crap, but not my greatest piece. now, let's quit kidding oursleves about that poem...
Originally posted by BOPRecruit 16
same with my school, bunch of assholes. anyways...with this guy, it's best not to give him satisfaction by responding. it's hard not to respond at times, but i try my best to keep my mouth shut. at least there are two other people in my class who feel the same way about him, hate him that is.
ah, i know what you mean, there are too many people to count in my year level who are like that, and they respond more if you are effected by their insults...they just have nothing better to do with their time than annoy people for stupid reasons....
the best thing to do is ignore him, as hard as that may be, because eventually, he'll give up, cuz he'll realize his comments aren't effecting you.
Originally posted by Trickster
Not all beauty is wished for,
Just as not all beauty is vain.
All confidence is not vanity,
As pleasure is not pain.Not all death brings life,
Though all life dies.
Sadness does not precede happiness,
And truth rots through with lies.
🙂..hey, that was great👆....i liked that poem......