Doctor Strange
Master of the mystic arts
Games at Hollywood. Fasten your seatbelt, cause this is gonna suck!
This month's Gamepro had a list games that are going to be made into films. So, I, being the nice guy I am, have decided to list them to you with a running commentary.
Ready for showing:
Backwater: Never heard of it.
Bloodrayne: Huh, always thought it would be a porno if made into a film. Obviously, it's going to be R-rated.
Doom: Seriously, what are these developers smoking? Doom wasn't fun for it's story, which was total crap, it was fun because blowing up zombies is cool! A movie full of that is not, though.
House of the dead 2: I need say no more. This speaks for itself.
Now filming:
Silent Hill: I've never played it, but the general consesus is that it's the silver medal to Resident Evil(which rocks) Let's hope this film maintains the game's spirit more.
Script complete:
Dead or alive:... boobies...
Driver:Yes, Hollywood is so creatively bankrupt that they're basing a movie on a driving game. And not a driving game with a cool twist like F-zero, but just a regular driving game.
Mortal Kombat:Hey, remember that half decent film with a really crappy sequel? Let's make a third one! *headdesk*
Onimusha:This actually sounds pretty cool. After the insanely dissapointing Last Samurai, I'd really like to see the demon-fighting Samonosuke. Hell, this game was based on Kurosawa, right?
Prince of Persia: I'm actually excited. Disney's gotten their hands on it, and if the game itself was very cinematic. Thi film could actually be a turning point for both Disney and game movies.
Scripts in revision:
Psi-ops:That's what I call fast. This game came out last summer and already Hollywood is drooling over it.
Spyhunter:....what?
In development:
Darkwatch:Again, what?
Dead to rights: My friend rented this game. It was a half-hearted cop game with a stupid storyline. Skip this one, folks!
Death Jr.:Huh?
Devil may ****ing cry. I know there's a 99% chance this film will fail, but as a fan of Dante's pistols, his demon powers, and his metrosexual fashion sense, I can't help but remain hopeful for this. At worst it will be a second Van Helsing, and that was an okay popcorn film.
Far cry:???
Fatal Frame: A game where your main weapon is a CAMERA. 'Nuff said.
Fear effect:Huh?
The getaway:Mob movies? Yeah, that'll attract the teen crowd.
Halo:Blue pill, please.
Hitman:Wow, a game no one likes made into a movie no one will watch.
Hunter:The reckoning:No clue, though I feel as though I've heard it before.
Max Payne: Hmmm... maybe...
Metroid:This has been discussed at length. I remain catiously optomisitic.
Resident Evil:Afterlife: *sings* Everything old is old again...
Return to Castle Wolfenstien:What's that? That's the sound of a movie flop.
Tekken:I'm neither here or there. Never been much of a Tekken fan.
Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six and Splinter Cell:Tom Clancy is a douce anyways. I hated both his books and games.