LOL I HAVE TO POST THIS
David: Well, the big rumor among Lord of the Rings fans is whether antagonist Sauron would once again take on human form, as in the flashbacks from the first film, The Fellowship of the Ring:
Jay: Yeah, that's actually interesting, because it's left purposely ambiguous in the boo-
David: -posters for the films, exactly. But check him out. Pretty scary stuff.
John: He has a little metal wiener. That's funny.
Jay: That's a codpie--
John: "I attract lightning. I'm small and made of lead, because I'm from feudal times. I'm a little metal wiener. Look at my tiny arms and little wiener legs."
Dave: All excellent points, John. Now, in the posters for the films, we don't really get to see anything but that big flaming eye.
Now I admit, I'm not normally very scared of humongous eyes. But I have to say that this one's pretty frightening. I don't even want to know where the other one is.
John: Oh! Like what if it was right behind you?
David: Stop it! I don't want to think about that.
Jay: While we're discussing Sauron's appearance, I should point out that in The Silmarillion, Sauron loses his corporeal form during the the Fall of Númenor, after he convinces the Dúnedain King Ar-Pharazôn to invade Valinor, the dwelling place of the immortal Valar. Actually — funny story — in the chief Númenorean port city of Rómenna, it seems Sauron turned to King Ar-Pharazôn and said a certain salty joke about — actually, I'm sorry, for the joke to be funny you have to know that Sauron is called Zigûr in the Adûnaic tongue. Oh, and that—
David: I'm sorry, Jay, but I'm going to have to interrupt you there, because I want you to stop talking. John, is there anything you found in your research that you can tell us about the Eye of Sauron?
John: Well, a little-known fact is that they actually used Peter Jackson's eye as the model for Sauron's in the films.
David: Fascinating. Moving along then, to—
Jay: John, what in the hell are you talking about?
John: That's actually Peter Jackson's eye. He's Australian, so he has reptilian pupils.
Jay: ...
John: It's a well-known fact that all Australians are at least half reptile. Some are as much as a third reptile.
Jay: Okay, no. You're actually just lying and none of that is true.
John: Jay, don't you think I'd know if I was lying?
Jay: John. Australians aren't reptiles. Peter Jackson's not even from Australia. He's from New Zealand.
David: Perhaps we should agree to disagree. Well, from what I hear, anyway, it looks like we're going to get a chance to see Sauron in action in Return of the King. I've always pictured the eye rising up and having this whole massive flaming body attached, as big as the Empire State Building...
John: Really? I've always pictured him more as this regular-sized fat guy, but with one gigantic flaming eye for a head.
Jay: You're kidding.
John: Like the BiC pen guy:
David: I think this next shot pretty much confirms that Sauron will be returning in some form or another. Here we see the giant of Mordor looming over our sightseeing heroes, catching them unawares...
Jay: He seems much more made of stone than I would have thought.
John: That's so ****ing awesome. Look at that, his feet are the size of ****ing castles.
Jay: He's standing on a castle in the picture, you retard. Do you even have a sense of scale, or do you just roll the dice and walk into stuff all the time? How do- AAAAGGGGTTTHHHH-
John: Whoah! It looks like your neck walked right into my fist there.
David: Aha! John has to put a nickel into the Neck-punch Jar!
David: The one thing that comes up in most of the spoilers I've seen of the film is Sam's expanded role... that as Return of the King progresses, there's the suggestion that he, and not Frodo, is the true hero of the trilogy...
John: Scoop that up your ass, Harry Knowles.
David: You know, I really hope he does. This shot is supposedly from the third act... that's Frodo, of course, with the, uh... pear-shaped light there...
Jay: The Phial of Galad-
David: -No, no. The pear-shaped light. But look more closely at this freeze-frame..
David: I think it's safe to say the rumors are true.
John: Sam turns into a spider. That kicks ass