Merry And Pip So Cute Why U Say??

Menage a Hobbits. Or, as Gollum would say, "a Menage a Hobbitses." Except, really, he wouldn't say anything like that at all. He'd just accuse one of them of wanting to steal his Precious, and then go all split personality on us again. Hobbitses is tricksy! Hobbitses is nice! Hobbitses is. . .*gollum* *gollum*! (Have you see "Two Towers" yet? If not, that will have made very little sense to you. If so, you must understand by now why I'm so seriously tempted to make Gollum a Boyfriend -- wasn't he cute in a really pathetic, pitiable kind of way? Okay, okay, sorry. Back to business now, seriously.).

Yep, this week, the Boyfriends are Merry and Pippin. Or, to be more precise, Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan. The interesting thing about it is that I've been getting requests for Merry and Pippin ever since the first movie came out over a year ago. But I didn't really feel all that strongly towards them until very recently. Oh, you say, scratching your chins. So was it the second movie that made it all turn around for me? Because they had so much more screen-time and got to hang out with Treebeard and stuff?

Not exactly. I saw the second movie, "The Two Towers," And nothing had really changed in regards to my feelings towards Mer and Pip. But then, while I was on vacation a couple of week ago, I finally got a chance to see the one hour special on television about the making of the second movie, after having missed it at least once around before. It was a blast to watch, and I highly recommend any fans of the movie try to catch it if it comes on again. But the best part of it was the fact we got to see everybody OUT of costume. And if you thought Merry and Pippin were cute with their curly hobbit hair and furry hobbit feet you should see Billy and Dominic au natural. Because they are even cuter as humans, and that goes doubly for Dominic (who, actually, I didn't think was all that cute as Merry, but who is damn gorgeous as himself, especially in regards to his hair. And his stubble.). For pictures of what they look like as humans, click here: Billy | Dominic (and Orlando Bloom, just to make a few of you extra crazy).

Of course, it wasn't just their cuteness that won me over, though. They are also smart and funny in real life, much as their characters were on-screen (well, okay, maybe not the smart part -- remember when Pippin knocked the skeleton into the well in the first movie? Oops.), and I loved hearing about how close the two actors got while they were filming movie two, which has them off kind of by themselves for a really long time. They played chess. They hung out in cafes. They bonded. And now they are best pals! I love stories like that.

Although, I confess I would've loved it more had the story also included a chapter or two involving ME hanging out at the cafes playing chess with them. But we all know that would've been a total disaster. Because if I'd been on the set of the Lord of the Rings movies, they never would've gotten made in the first place. I would've instantly fallen in love with the entire cast and started flirting with them all, constantly. Incessantly. Incorrigibly. Soon, I would've become the object of all of their desires, and they would've started fighting over who actually got to HAVE me as their girlfriend. Fistfights between Sean Astin and Elijah Wood! Major duke-outs between Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom! And my god, the fight between Ian McKellen and Peter Jackson -- can you even imagine the destruction?

I would've been like the Yoko Ono of the Lord of the Rings movies -- I would've driven a wedge right in between them all and the whole thing would've just totally fallen apart.

I'm THAT cute.

So, it's all for the best that I wasn't there with Billy and Dominic. However, boys, if you're reading this: The movies are made, over, done with, kaput. And, I'm in the book.

Now, of course, getting back to the important part of this story, the other reason I love Billy and Dominic is because I actually really love Merry and Pippin. As far as comic relief goes, they are "da bomb," as the kids say. Almost all of my favorite scenes in the first movie involved those two lunatics, and it only made it twice as good in the second one when Treebeard was added to the mix. And I just love love LOVE Pippin's accent. When he says "second breakfast" in that Scottish brogue, I just want to leap up and grab a bagel. It's truly inspirational. (Wait, can you have a "Scottish brogue"? Or can you only have Irish brogues? I'm too lazy to look this up. Somebody else do it.)

Plus, I confess, it's just really really fun saying "second breakfast" in a Scottish accent. You should hear me do it, Billy, it would crack you up.

We likes it. My precious.

So, cute, smart, funny, sweet, gorgeous, hilarious, adorable, cool, hip, talented, AND single. Both of them! If that doesn't make for the perfect menage, then I just don't know the meaning of the word anymore.

Now for a quick biographical la-dee-dah. First, Billy Boyd. Billy Boyd was born in Glasgow, Scotland on August 28th, 1968. Though he's been an actor for a really long time (he even has a degree in dramatic arts from the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama), he really wasn't known in the U.S. until he landed the role of Peregrin "Pippin" Took. In the UK, however, he's probably best known for his role in the Scottish TV series "Taggart," a crime drama. He's also been in a few small films, including a groundbreaking sci-fi one-man short-film called "Scniper 470," which premiered at the Edinburgh Film Festival in 2002 and was one of only two films from the Newfoundland series to be selected for an upgrade to 35mm.

While not acting, Billy likes to keep busy practicing a wide variety of martial arts (he's a "Phase 4" in both Jeet Kune Do and Filipino Kali, not that I have a single clue as to what any of that means). In addiction to his butt-kicking credentials, he's also a "Grade 7" foil fencer, which probably explains why he looked so dang sexy with that sword in The Lord of the Rings. He also loves to play the guitar and is an accomplished singer.

Next up for Billy is a co-starring role in Peter Weir's "Master and Commander." The movie is based on the first in the Aubrey-Maturin seafaring series (set during the Napoleonic Wars) written by Patrick O'Brian. Boyd plays Barrett Bonden with Russell Crowe as Captain Jack Aubrey, yum yum. Now those are two guys who are going to look goo-oo-ood as swarthy shipmates. In those period costumes? Mmm mm mmm. You'll find me first in line at the theater for this one (likely with my Dad behind me, though he'll be there for the nautical stuff not the swarthy stuff). Mrrrow!

Okay, so on to Dominic. Dom was born on December 8, 1976, to parents Austin (a teacher) and Aureen (a nurse). He spent the first twelve years of his life living in Berlin, Germany, where he learned to speak German fluently (I imagine that was probably a very useful skill in Berlin, don't you?). At age 6, he saw "Star Wars" for the first time and almost immediately became completely consumed by films -- the writing of them, the filming of them, the acting in them -- all of it.

At age 12, he and his family moved to Manchester, England (who else can't say that phrase without bursting into the song from "Hair"? Is it just me? Okay, yeah, just me. Figures.), where he lived until just recently when he moved to LA. He got his start as an actor when he was 18, appearing in a kid's show called "Live and Kicking." He then began taking courses in English Lit, Drama, and Geography (?) at Sixth Form College, but he was soon offered a co-starring role in a BBC show called "Hetty Wainthrop Investigates," which ran for four years and was quite popular.

After Waithrop ended, Dom took on several roles in other TV productions and also worked in theater. He is quite well-known for his ability to impersonate people and mimic accents, which has to be a good talent for an actor, I'd imagine. I bet he sounds even cuter than I do when he says, "second breakfast" just like Pippin. Hee.

When not acting, Dominic likes to write, listen to music, play soccer, and surf. And that goes double for the writing, as he and his new best pal Billy are currently working on a script together (how fun would that be? You guys need any help with that?). He can't possibly have too much spare time, though, because he also has another movie in the works, called "An Insomniac's Nightmare," about a night in the life of a guy with chronic insomnia.

So, there you have it! Everything you ever wanted to know about my Boys this week. And aren't they just the greatest? They look cute as hobbits, but they totally rock my world as humans. Yes indeedy, dear readers, Meg is an extremely happy girl this week. Though, to be honest, a bit tired. The menage can really wear you out after awhile, you know? A lot of extra work involved.
And of course, what I actually mean by that is that I had to do twice the research. I wasn't suggesting anything Disney wouldn't approve of, honest. There is a strict no-smooching policy here,There was absolutely NO SMOOCHING involved.

Points off because while they aren't actually as short as hobbits, they are only 5' 7" tall, which really just isn't very tall at all. Not that I have anything against short men. I love short men! But, I have to take points off for something, and that was the only thing I could think of. Oh, just stop it. Don't ask so many questions, okay? I don't know what I'm doing! I just work here!

Those who can, write. Those who can't, rec.

These are the best of the best when it comes to LotR RPS about Billy, Dominic, and/or Elijah, folks.

Well, in my opinion, anyway. Also, I tend to like to let the stories speak for themselves -- hence the minimalism.

Use the links at the top to navigate.

You should have made all these posts in one...this is considered spam.

This is a work of fiction, no offence is intended and no money is being made.

When Dominic was fifteen, his dad had walked in on him and Jimmy Robertson giving each other a hand job in his bedroom. Afterwards, his father, though remarkably understanding, had asked him if he had tried ‘liking girls that way’. And yes he had. And did. Well, not right now of course, but still - the point was Dominic wouldn’t like to get accused of any kind of gender discrimination.

According to Elijah though, they were having a ‘Boys Night’ tonight. It wasn’t clear if this just meant Liv and Miranda definitely weren’t coming, or if they were only allowed to chat up men tonight. Not that either would make a huge difference.

They’d finished filming for the day early, so had, of course, come out early. Dominic could see this having been a very bad idea come half past four and Feet, but he’d let make-up have nightmares about that for now.

His attention was snapped back to their relatively cosy booth in the busy club when Orlando elbowed him in the ear.

“I think I need my head shaved again,” Orlando complained, running a hand across his stubbly scalp.

Dominic reached over, grabbed Orlando by the frills of his shirt, and pulled him down until he was close enough to lick a broad stripe across his head.

Sean shook his head in disbelief, as Orlando drew back hastily and wiped his head gingerly with his sleeve. “Oh, man.”

Dominic grinned. “I’d say you could leave it a few days yet.”

“Jesus, that is so disgusting, Dom.” Elijah screwed up his face in distaste. “You don’t know where that’s been.”

“Between Viggo’s thighs?” Dominic suggested with a laugh.

“**** you,” Orlando replied cheerfully.

Dominic pondered this for a moment. “Nah, we’d break too many hearts.” He sat back in his seat, taking a sip of his beer as Billy leaned in to him.

“What is with you and bloody licking things?”

“I like my tongue. I have a wonderful tongue.” He wiggled it to demonstrate this fact.

Billy used his index finger to push Dominic’s wonder-tongue back into his mouth. “If this is the beginning of one of your dodgy chat-up lines, I don’t want to hear it.” He rolled his eyes as Dominic sucked hard on the invading digit, his cheeks hollowing, before Billy managed to make his escape with a ‘pop’.

“Aw, don’t be jealous,” Dominic crooned as he pinched Billy’s cheek. “You know my tongue’s coming home with you at night anyway.”

“Yes, thank you for that disturbing image, Dom.”

*

Orlando sprawled over half the booth as he debated whether or not to join Elijah (who was frantically waving at him to come over, as he leaped around like a lunatic to the crap dance music). Maybe later, he decided as he slumped lower – he’d been running around over rocks all day in those ****ing thin-soled elf boots. And unlike the pampered hobbits, he didn’t get a daily foot rub.

Not while on set and only if he was suitably persuasive at least.

Sean clambered over Orlando’s legs with a glare as he returned from making his phone call home. “I thought Viggo was coming out tonight.”

Orlando turned his attention away from the sea of writhing bodies on the dance floor. “He had some arty, communing with nature crap to do,” Orlando said, waving a hand around vaguely. “But he said he’d try to come by later.”

Dominic looked up from his position against Billy’s shoulder, where he appeared to have been examining the buttons on his shirt. “You know,” he mused, “one day I want to be able to list my hobbies as that. Imagine how great it must look on his CV.”

Orlando scowled half-heartedly at him.

Dominic blinked and looked up at Billy, wide-eyed. “Wow, can you see how threatened I’m not by that?”

“That’s not what you were saying earlier,” Orlando said with a smirk.

Dominic shoved himself upright and thrust an accusing finger at Orlando. “You were chasing me with your ****ing bow, you freak! Peter probably saved my life by calling on you to go ponce around on set some more!”

Orlando’s response was to flick a peanut that hit Dominic right between his eyes.

*

Dominic turned to Billy suddenly, almost bouncing in his seat with excitement. “I’ve got it! The army.”

“No one’s going to believe we could be in the army.”

“Fine.” He sat back, dejected and idly played with Billy’s fingers as he considered further options. “A prison setting then.”

“Dom, I told you,” Billy said with a long suffering sigh, “we’re trying to get away from dodgy porn scenarios. We’re already in the gayest movie of all time anyway, though I doubt Peter – or Tolkien - intended it that way.”

“Well it’s not like you’ve come up with any better suggestions. At this rate our movie’s going to be about… I don’t know...” Insert attempt at frustrated arm gestures - somewhat hampered by the fact he still had a hold of Billy’s hand. “Two hapless young Brits accidentally finding themselves involved with the mafia after a hilarious case of mistaken identity while they were on holiday in Hawaii has resulted in them running a scuba diving school which is a front for the local crime lord.” And breathe.