Darwin Awards

Here's a funny email I received.....

>>Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
>>bestowed, honouring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the
>>glorious
>>winners for 2003.
>>
>>The 2003 Darwin Award Winners:
>>
>>1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
>>victim
>>during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
>>did
>>something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
>>tried
>>the trigger again. This time it worked.....
>>
>>And now, the honourable mentions:
>>
>>2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
>>cutting
>>machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
>>insurance company. The company suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
>>men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. >>The
>>chef's claim was approved.
>>
>>
>>3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
>>car
>>during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had
>>taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>>
>>
>>4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
>>driver
>>found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
>>Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
>>driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
>>ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
>>staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
>>fantasies.
>>The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
>>
>>
>>5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
>>serious
>>head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received >>the
>>injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close >>he
>>could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
>>
>>
>>6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
>>counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
>>man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
>>clerk
>>promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
>>the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
>>drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
>>crime committed?)
>>
>>
>>7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask
>>and
>>carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
>>MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.
>>
>>Then the s******s started. The security guard completely lost
>>it and
>>doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about
>>to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got
>>him.
>>The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the
>>banker
>>later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze,
>>mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
>>
>>8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
>>decided that
>>he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
>>booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head >>at
>>the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
>>head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
>>Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>>
>>
>>9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
>>grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
>>was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
>>Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put
>>him in
>>the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the
>>car
>>and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
>>"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
>>
>>10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
>>into a
>>Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
>>cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
>>register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
>>said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
>>away.
>>
>>
>>A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
>>
>>11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
>>parked on
>>a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived >>at
>>the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
>>spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
>>steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
>>tank
>>by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
>>that
>>it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

OMG, I love the Darwin awards!!!

These people are total dumbasses!

The last one. 😘

hahaha, I love the Darwin Awards, some classics up there.

I like the kid with the train, I can see one of my friends doing that.

Another Darwin:

(9 April 2003, New Zealand) Phil needed to make repairs to the underside of his car. But when he jacked it up, there wasn't enough room for him to work. So he removed the car's battery, placed the jack on top of it, and set to work again, this time with plenty of elbow-room.
Unfortunately for Phil, car batteries are not designed to carry much weight. The battery collapsed and the jack toppled, trapping him beneath the car. Unable to breathe due to the weight on his chest, he quickly expired in a pool of battery acid.

This incident is illuminated by two additional facts: First, Phil's occupation was Accident Prevention Officer at a large food processing plant. And second, ten years previous, he had been working under a car when the jack collapsed, trapping him and breaking one of his legs. Some people just don't learn -- even from their own mistakes.

People that stupid deserve to die. 😂

More:

(October 1982) In the New Zealand Army, the staff was having a discipline problem with four cadets posted at Waiouru Camp. The group had been confined to barracks for a day as punishment, while the rest of the unit participated in a training activity.
The four cadets decided to abscond, and set out on a jaunt into the training area, heedless of the consequences. How bad could another day of rest be? After walking some distance, they found themselves on the range used as the training grounds of the M203 Grenade Launcher. As they sauntered around the range, they came across several unexploded rounds.

From Day One, Army recruits are told to never touch anything even remotely resembling unexploded ordinance. Indeed, there are signs surrounding every range the Army uses, stating the rule again. It is incessantly drummed into every brain in the Army. But not everyone learns...

The ringleader of this group picked up two grenades and held them at arm's length, while his mates egged him on. According to the survivors, he uttered the famous last words, "Hey fellas, look at this!" Those are words to make seasoned men duck and cover.

The cadet cracked the two grenades together, causing one or both to explode in his hands. The M203 grenade has a lethal blast area of five meters, and left little for the medics to recover. The other three miscreants were injured by shrapnel, but survived to be disciplined in a far more lenient fashion than their fallen fellow.

Ah the good old Darwins, so much better than than the Oscars!

I've got the darwin awards book 😄

Anybody know where I can find the cinderblock videotape?

Errr... are these genuine Darwins?

Because alot of them involve the person still being there and as far as I knew, the Darwin award HAD to go to someone who had removed themsleves from the gene pool. It;s not about being dumb, it's about being dumb AND making sure you no longer contributed to humanity. That was the Darwin bit of it- that people that stupid should do the honourable thing and die. If they are still there they have not really Darwined.

Here is an earlier made-upDarwin. You will note that this one specifically notes the exception of the person being still alive:

"Is there such a thing as safe sex?? Here's a late entry for the Darwin Awards an award generally given out posthumously for the most stupid way to die - if there is such a thing.
A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was looking to score big with his date on a Friday night. Determined to put the girl in the mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount Lemmon which overlooked the city of Tucson. They walked to an open knoll where they could see the city lights. Overcome by the romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they stripped down, made a bed of their clothes, and passionately began making love.

The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of thunder inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first few flashes of lightning, they never looked up to see the charred remains of once great trees. Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity during the warm desert nights. With a blinding light, a bolt of lightning struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be the pre-med student's ass, and sought the path of least resistance -- straight down!

Incredibly, he survived, but was in excruciating pain. The heat of the lightning had fused together flesh and latex so that the lovers were now stuck together like a pair of dogs. The girl, unfortunately, did NOT survive the lightning strike! When the student looked down into the vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realized she was dead, his immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her, which of course, he couldn't! A wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girl's face and open mouth! Heaving only caused more pain and repeated vomiting until he finally passed out.

Attracted by the smell of food, a bear found its way to the Siamese lovers and began to lick semi-digested pizza and buffalo wings from the dead girl's face. The student came to, but when he saw the bear, there was little he could do but lay there silently in fear. To his horror, the bear became dissatisfied with just a lick and started to eat the girl, loudly crunching her facial bones only inches from his ear. The bear also tasted the student, scraping the back of his skull with its teeth, before moving on. Around mid-morning a group of junior girl scouts, up for a fun weekend camp-out, arrived at the campsite where the pre-med student's car was parked. It was only a matter of minutes before three screaming girls discovered the student, who had regained consciousness several times in the night and had managed to drag himself and the partially-eaten girl about 20-feet.

Doctors managed to successfully separate the student from the corpse, but Mr. Happy looked like a small piece of cauliflower in its flaccid state. The first hint of arousal resulted in so much pain, that the student was unable -- and unwilling to achieve an erection. Future surgeries may produce a reasonably functioning penis, but the student's family jewels, referred to by the doctors as the "scrotum mass," are irreparable.

Although most Darwin Awards are supposed to be won posthumously, we think this guy deserves consideration since he successfully removed himself from the gene pool."

http://www.darwinawards.com/

Yup, there is the website. First thing it says:

"The Darwin Awards honor those who improve our gene pool... by removing themselves from it. Of necessity, this honor is bestowed posthumously."

and later

"The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of
the human genome by honoring those who accidentally
kill themselves in really stupid ways."

So yeah, amusing as they are, alot of those are just people being dumb, rather than qualifying for a Darwin.

Ah! Wait... no, I have sussed it now; Honourable Mentions are for people who don't qualify because they didn't die. Now I understand...

Oh my...this is quite disturbing. In a stupidity kind of way..

😂 I love Darwin awards!!! A few years ago I was on the train with some of my friends (coming back from my birthday) and my friend Ashley had a Darwin Awards book...here's some more I found on the site.

(23 September 2002, Brazil) A farm keeper from São Paulo decided to remove a beehive from his orange tree. He didn't know exactly how to proceed, but he knew the hive should be burned, and he knew bees sting. So he protected his head with a plastic bag sealed tightly around his neck, grabbed a torch, and went off to fight the bees.
His worried wife went to look for him a few hours later, and found him dead. However, it wasn't the bees that killed him. The plastic bag had protected him from smoke, stingers, and... oxygen! He had forgotten to put breathing holes in the bag.

(January 2002, Croatia) A Croatian was killed while trying to open a hand grenade with a chainsaw. He wanted to retrieve the explosive to make firecrackers for the New Year’s holiday.

Sadly, I can't find my favorite...where a scuba-diver was found dead in the middle of a forest.

I got this e-mail too.
I accually live in Long Beach CA,
I remember seeing that in the news!
😂

Originally posted by Ushgarak
Errr... are these genuine Darwins?

Because alot of them involve the person still being there and as far as I knew, the Darwin award HAD to go to someone who had removed themsleves from the gene pool. It;s not about being dumb, it's about being dumb AND making sure you no longer contributed to humanity. That was the Darwin bit of it- that people that stupid should do the honourable thing and die. If they are still there they have not really Darwined.

The ones I posted were from the Darwin web-site.

Originally posted by tptmanno1
I got this e-mail too.
I accually live in Long Beach CA,
I remember seeing that in the news!
😂

Are you serious? 😑