Lord of the Rings - Blackadder Style!
I've just found this on the net -- it's so funny!!!
Scene - Mordor, near the mouth of Udun. FRODO and SAM are standing on a dusty road looking in dismay at a huge column of Orcs in the middle distance advancing rapidly towards them. They realise that they can neither outdistance the Orcs nor hide from them. Capture seems to be inevitable.
FRODO
Bugger! Who would have thought that it would end like this eh, Sam?
SAM
Don't worry Mister Frodo. I have a cunning plan!
FRODO (wearily)
Oh I see. Is this as cunning as your plan to walk straight into Mordor because that is the last thing that Sauron would expect?
SAM
It's much more cunning than that!
FRODO
Is it as cunning as your plan to let Gollum guide us through the mountains?
SAM
Well maybe not as cunning as that, Mister Frodo.
FRODO
Exactly how cunning is this plan then?
SAM
It's more cunning than Cunning Jack McCunning, the all-Shire champion of "Mr. Cunning, 1253 TA".
FRODO
Well Sam, and I say this with a deep sense of foreboding, you may as well tell me your plan. At least my last five minutes in this world will be filled with the knowledge that there is one creature to whom I am utterly superior.
SAM
Who's that, Mister Frodo?
FRODO
Never mind... just tell me the details of this most cunning of plans.
SAM
Right. Well you see these little slugs all over the plain?
FRODO
Yeeesss...?
SAM
Well we each take two slugs.
FRODO
Yes
SAM
And we put one in each nostril.
FRODO
And then what do we do?
SAM
Nothing - that's it.
FRODO
So let me get this straight. Your plan is... to stand here with a slug up each nostril and wait for the Orcs to reach us.
SAM
Yes.
FRODO
Ah. Now I think I see the fatal flaw in this plan. And I use the word "fatal" in its most literal sense. When the Orcs reach us they will see two Hobbits with slugs up their noses and hack us into a thousand pieces.
SAM
That's the cunning bit.
FRODO
What is?
SAM (Conspiratorially)
They will be so busy looking at the slugs up our noses... that they won't notice that we are Hobbits! They will think that we are two Orcs and we will be able to follow them.
FRODO
Congratulations Sam! Of all the plans you have devised, this, even by your rather dismal standards, has to be the most dim-witted, contemptible, hare-brained, despicable excuse for a plan I have ever heard! (Picking up two slugs) It's worth a try.
Scene cuts - five minutes later the two Hobbits are walking in the midst of a thousand Orcs. The Orcs take little notice of them except to occasionally glance at the slugs in their nostrils.
FRODO
These orcs must be even more stupid than you Sam - it seems to have worked!
SAM
See Mister Frodo.
FRODO
Yes Sam, I take everything back! It looks like we might come through all this after all. Well done!
FRODO gives SAM a hearty slap on the back which send the two slugs up SAM's nostrils flying.
ORC
You've lost your slugs there mate. Just a minute - you're not an Orc!
The Orcs stop walking and gather around SAM in a threatening manner.
SAM
Ulp! It looks like we're done for, Mister Frodo!
FRODO
What do you mean, "we"? (shouts) Get the Hobbit lads!