Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
3 nuns go up to heaven and before they are let in, they have to answer a question about the bible.
The first nun is asked " what was the first mans name", and she answered "adam" and was let in.
The 2nd nun was asked "what was the first womans name", and she answered "eve" and was also let in.
The last nun was asked "what was the first thing eve said when she first met Adam". She thought about it for a while, and said "hmmm, that's a hard one"
A guy got really drunk one night and went looking for a prostitutes, but after stumbling around for a while, he staggered into a chiropadist's.
The woman was behing a curtain and the asssistant told him to just put it through the curtain. he thinks "okay, this is a bit wierd , but I'll give it a go". When the assistant walks away, he pulls his schlong out and sticks it through the curtain. The chiropadist on the other side of the curtain says " I think there's been some misunderstanding, you see, we only service feet".
The guy , shocked, replies "well, I wasn't aware that there was a size requirement".
lol😉
The 7 dwarfs went to the Vatican, and because they are
'THE DWARFS', they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
"Son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?"
Dopey replies, "Excuse me, your Excellency, but are
there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks
for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no
dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing
them.
Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf
nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and
then answers,
"No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with
an angry glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are
there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere
in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and
laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their
cheeks as they begin chanting...
"Dopey f*cked a penguin!...Dopey f*cked a penguin!"