My Present To You Lot (you wont like it)
you all know i like to write my stupid unfunny scripts
well i try to write them on word...but i never finish them, so here, for you, live and i nperson are the two unfinished scripts i have (one is in book form)
The Hobbit…Re-Write
He couldn’t stop laughing, this was definitely a site bilbo enjoyed…an elderly chap was struggling down the road outside bagshot row…his Zimmer frame looking barely able to keep him up, “ho ho” snorted bilbo as he jumped up, knocking his tea to the floor, he pulled out his camera and ran to the window. He took several shots before realising that the wooden window panes were searing the cameras vision….”oh bolger it” (this was considered an offensive word in the shire ever since old bolger got drunk that one night…and was banished the very next morning) he ran out the front door with his camera to get a better view, tickish, the noise of the camera could barely be heard over his laughing at the old man. “I suppose you think this is funny hobo naggings” the old man said looking up “hobo naggings” I think you have the wrong house..’friend’” he said the last word very sarcastically the old man looked up again…and stared at bilbo eventually he took a deep inhale of air from his inhaler and began “ do not lie to me small one for I am gandalf…a WIZARD!!!” taken aback by this bilbo managed to stammer “S..S..SORRY but I believe you do have the wrong house.. I am Bilbo baggins” the old man…or gandalf..had a flame in his eye “ DON’T YOU LIE TO ME!!!!” he cast away his zimmerframe, and instantly fell. Bilbo could not stop laughing at this comical mishap, he was only brought back to reality when it appeared the wizard wasn’t moving, “oh let me help you” said bilbo running to the wizards aid…
Gasping for air Gandalf drank to mead bilbo had given him, this mead was strong stuff, ‘fiery fredegars finest’ was its common name, and it had a place in the store cupboards of many a stout hobbit. Hobbits being fond of ales and food were used to it, gandalf however, was not, “whatsh in thish cup!” he slurred to bilbo, “itsh very…nish! Your very nish! I love you” bilbo, being a rather un-attractive hobbit came to the conclusion gandalf was probably drunk, and didn’t actually love him at all. “so” began bilbo, starting to feel uneasy “what is it your doing in the shire master gandalf” gandalf sat up abruptly, it reminded bilbo of a rabbit that has just heard the crack of wod under the foot of one of those brandybucks from the eastfarthing! “thatsh none of your bishnesh hobo shnaggins!, but if you really must know…..i am here with…they key! And a map, they key to the door of erebor! In which there is many treasures, and I am looking for a hobbit, to send on this mission” bilbo wasn’t really listening, but he heard the word treasure, which seemed to make his stomach disappear, “treasure you say?” gandalf eyed him up “yesh, treshure! and it will belong to anybody who gets to it first, of coursh they will haff to kill smaug! The” gandalf paused, as if preparing for something “DRAGON!!” he concluded, shouting it, as if to try and scare bilbo, although the only thing bilbo was scared for was the wizards sanity, wiping the phlegm gandalf had just sprayed him with out of his face he realised the wizard was to drunk and was getting disorderly he immediately showed him to the door, this was no easy task, gandalf could hardly stand, and he occasionally grabbed things from shelves, horror seized bilbo…gandalf ha found crayons! “ish like a wainbow hobo!” he squealed in delight as he drew all over bilbos walls “my name is bilbo, now get out and do not return you filthy old man!” bilbo pushed gandalf outside and slammed the door, “wainbowsh are pwetty thinsh” said gandalf as he began to draw on bilbos front door, although he thought he was drawing a picture of a rainbow, he actually drew the dwarvish symbol for “the hobbit that lives here will help you on your quest” quite a coincidence isn’t it?
“hello” said a commanding voice, deep and authoritive “wake up wizard!” gandalf opened his eyes, there stood above him a blond haired dwarf, gandalf had passed out from the drink, his head was spinning, he couldn’t hear what the dwarf was saying yet, his head sounded like a radio tuning in. The dwarf continued “my name is bloin I am king of the dwarves well, I should be, and your in a state!” gandalf only heard half this, and it was incorrect “Thorin?” he asked puzzled “what do you mean Thorin” Bloin stared at gandalf then sighed “alright you got me, thoring is king of the dwarves, im an imposter, still, I cant complain life is good” yet again gadalf misheard this “son of thain??” “thorin, son of thain” something clicked inside gandalf head, maybe it was the alcohol at work again, but he suddenly realised “thoring son of thain!”