: words into the silence : --poems
: words into the silence :
: twilight :
I look out the window; the colors are dimming
what little beauty I see is turning to void
I hate this time of day. so grey
not yet night, not still day
day is bright, cheery; overwhelming, yet tolerable
night is shadow; darkness, release, night-sounds abound
twilight… is neither. And both
at the same time—and it’s too much
I hate it. It’s nothing
nothing and both
just close my eyes; it’ll be gone
soon enough
not soon enough
just close my eyes…
let it be gone…
: melodic pain :
melodies
summer melodies sing to my soul
caressing me, telling me “it’s all right”
I can lose myself in the soft-gentle breezes
I can fool myself
into not feeling pain
into unthinking
then I open my eyes—
and the world starts again
and the tears start again
and the pain takes me back
it grips me tightly to itself
crushing me; why?
tears flow
why does it hurt? why do you hurt me?
what did I do to deserve this pain?
why can’t you just let me die
soft breezes flow around me;
they do no good—pain is eternal
pain is all-encompassing; pain is hurt
pain is the thing that watches you cry
and laughs
pain is emotion
pain is Life
LIFE
: trick fool :
I’m so tired of life’s lies
of being trapped here
so small; yet immense
I can’t move; but I have too much space
what’s it all for?
anyway
what’s it all for, anyway…
I’m cornered at every turn
I want to die; pain prevents me
Fear prevents me
I want to live; Life prevents me
I can’t live, but I can’t die
why can’t I die?
why can’t I live?
I
give
up
—regression
the pain’s too much
I don’t want to feel it anymore
I WON’T
I’ve made heaven
for me—no one else
NO ONE
leave me alone
I’m happy now
you call it denial
I call it
Heaven
did I trick myself?
no—I tricked YOU ALL
you’re the outsiders
I’m the only real one; the only one who counts
I’M THE ONLY ONE
so leave me alone…
it’s not
me
it’s YOU
you…
leave me alone…
: oxy-moron :
I’m not real
I’m fake
I’m some failed experiment
some dead lab rat
I’m not here
but why am I here?
not fair
it’s not fair…
I’m bad
defective
so why should I live
when I don’t want to
?
I’m the sun in the night
I’m the white raven
I’m snowy summer
I’m WRONG
not right
I’m life’s biggest oxy-moron
a living contradiction
who is already dead
I don’t feel pain
but it hurts
so much…
they tell me
I should be less apathetic
but I
just don’t
care
anymore.
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Series of poemlets that came out of nowhere... most of what I write actually writes itself. Feeling depressed lately, and when I'm depressed, I make my own outlets... sometimes drawings, sometimes stories, sometimes poems, sometimes just plain old tears.
I'll explain these in more detail if anyone reads these; there's no point in discussing them if no one's reading it.
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