A past that never is, Outtakes

A past that never is, Outtakes (I think that’s the word) I’m doing this mainly cos I’m warped, but also cos last night I couldn’t go to sleep and my weird imagintion wouldn’t leave me alone. Some of them probably suck…but who the hell cares anyway?! to really understand this u need to write the fic that im currently writing. the link is in that whatever the hell that thing is called down there at the bottom...

Chapter 1

(On the way out of Rolands office)

Shifter walks to the door and pulls on the handle to open door, nothing happens. She pulls harder, handle comes off the door and Shifter goes sliding across the floor, over Rolands desk and into his lap.

Roland: Good start, but you’re not meant to end up here for another five chapters yet.

Shifter: I couldn’t wait.

(Medical exam)

Maggie taps Shifter left knee which jerked upward, kicking a tray of medical implements, scattering them all over the place.

Maggie: Isn’t that knee meant to be so damaged it won’t move?

Writer (aka me): Yes, but I need to make some cutbacks. Shifter has to control herself.

Shifter: …

Chapter 2

(Start of chapter, just after Shifter calls AK up to the main deck when she realises somehing’s wrong with the matrix feed.)

Shifters fingers move rapiedly across the keys.

AK: What is it?

Shifter points to the monitors, which for some reason have the symbols on them, but the symbols aren’t moving.

Shifter: What the…? *slaps hand against side of monitor, symbols stay exactly where they are.*

Me: We had to make some cutbacks. We had to replace the real Matrix feed with stickers that look like the feed.

AK & Shifter: Oh, For **** sake!

(After Roland and rest of crew come out of the Matrix)

Shifter: I can only do this for so long. You’d better find us a good hiding place, because there’s only one way to stop this thing.”

Roland: How?

Shifter: Shut it down, flush the whole system and reload everything. *Looks up from frozen sticker monitors, as AK runs from the main deck* Where is he going?

Roland: Probably to flush the toilets and get his copy of Matrix: Reloaded dvd.

(Part where Roland brings Shifter some food and coffee)

Roland: I brought you some food and coffee.

Shifter: Thank you, sir. Didn’t mean to sound rude, sorry. *Takes a swig of coffee and gags* WTF This is ice cold, dammit!

Roland: It was hot…before we had to do fifteen takes.

(Rolands second visit)

Roland: I’ve never seen that shade of red on anyone before.

Shifter: *Blank stare*

Roland: Your eyes look terrible.

Shifter: *under breath*I can give you matching ones if you like them that much.

Chapter 3

(in the Hammers mess hall)

Roland: I have another confession to make…I felt it the first time you walked into my office-

Shifter: You don’t suppose that has something to do with the fact that I did my acrobatic routine? You’re lap wasn’t very soft either by the way. *Grins*

Roland: Uhh…well that was because of the biro I had and umm…*Does his impression of a tomato*

Chapter 4

(Mess hall beginning of chappie)

Mauser: Captain, there’s a problem in the Matrix, you’re needed.

Roland stands up and rushes for the door, but miscalulates slightly and slams into doorframe forehead first. He stumbles back clutching his head and cursing loudly.

Shifter: I told you the truth could hurt.

(After Maggie and Colt make it out and the proximity alert goes off)

AK: He’s got a lot of agents on his back. He may not make it. Mauser, what’s going on up there?

Mauser: *Silence*

AK turns to look at Shifter.

AK: Mauser? Answer me, what the hell’s going on?

Mauser: Ummm…I don’t know what these things are, unless they’re a new type of sentinel. We better be careful, they look more lethel than your coffee, AK.

AK: Hey!

Cut to cockpit view, where both Mauser and Colt are staring outside where hands hold a number of sentinel thingys in front of their faces. These sentinels have more of a resemblence to pipe cleaner spiders (remember those things that you made in school when you were four?) than they do to metal sentinels.

Colt: WTF?!

Me: Do you think I’m made of money?! Like those Wachoski bros?! Goddammit you’re all ****ing actors, pretend they’re damn sentinels.

Mauser: I don’t have to put up with this shit! I quit! *Storms off, but returns a few moments later when he realises that he’s on a ship and he can’t leave until they dock.*

(After Shifter goes into the Matrix to help Roland)

Shifter: Five minutes, AK. That’s all I need.

Shifter starts to change into a peregrine falcon, wearing a black denim jacket and cool shades.

Shifter: WTF?! *Hears laughter coming from miniturised phone* AK! This is not ****ing funny.

(After they come back out and go into Rolands office)

Roland: What the hell do you think you were doing?!

Shifter: I was-

Roland: I don’t want to hear it. What the hell would have happened it we’d both died in there? This ship would have lost two crew. Not just one.

Shifter: I was-

Roland: Be quiet! What were you thinking?

Shifter: *Silence*

Roland: Well? Answer me!

Shifter: I was trying to-

Roland: Shut up! If I have to die…

Chapter 5

(Roland goes to the mess hall after he wakes up and meets AK and Shifter who are there eating)

AK: WHOA! WTF happened to your eye? You look like¡K*finally notices that both Roland & Shifter are studiously not looking at him, or each other*

AK: *Bangs head on table* Shut up, AK, just shut up¡KWell my shift is done. *AK leaves*

(Same place, few mins later)

Roland: You can¡¦t get rid of me that easily. I¡¦m afraid you¡¦re stuck with me.

Shifter: I¡Kuhh¡KI¡¦ve never had anyone say that to me before.

Roland: No, you don¡¦t understand. AK is messing around again, he put super, super glue on our hands and on the table. When I see him I¡¦m going to disembowel him¡Kwith a plastic teaspoon (yeah I know I¡¦m warped (no not Roland ME, the writer) so what can I say¡Kother than AK better start running, I hear trying to remove the plastic teaspoon you¡¦ve been disemboweled with a *****)

(Mess hall, a few seconds later)

AK: Captain, Zion control are looking for our access¡Kuhh never mind I see you¡¦ve already found you¡¦re access codes¡K*goes away to leave Shifter and Roland to kiss with their tongues 😮

(Shifter arriving in Cass¡¦s place)

Shifter comes in the door and is hit by two kids who knock her over and steal her bag.

Shifter: Aww¡Kthanks guys. The underwear goes in a delicate wash.

(Same place few moments later)

Strafe: Shifter! Mom, she¡¦s here!

Shifter: I missed you to, bro.

Jade: Did you miss me?

Shifter: No, it was a most pleasuarble excursion being away from whiny little bitches like you.

*Jade runs off crying*

(Conversation Shifter has with Cass about her new man)

Cass: So who is it? AK? Mauser?

Shifter: *Darts her eyes around shiftily* Who is who?

Cass: You can¡¦t fool me, I can see it on your face. You have the look of someone who¡¦s in love. So who is he?

Shifter: Uhh¡KRoland.

Cass: The captain?! Isn¡¦t he a little¡Kwell old for you?

Shifter: Yeah. But the writer of ths fic would really like to f**k him herself. So for some reason I get stuck with this guy who¡¦s ancient, I¡¦d much prefer AK. But noooooo¡K

(Conversation between Cass and Roland)

Cass: She¡¦s almost ten years younger than you. Are you some kind of cradle snatcher?

Roland: No, but many people say that younger people have a lot of stamina. She could keep going al night long. WOOHOO!

Cass: Yes¡Kyounger people. You might have some trouble keeping up with her.

Shifter returns, with brats¡Kummm I mean kids.

Shifter: *looking from Cass to Roland* Why do I feel like I¡¦m missing something?

Roland: It¡¦s nothing important, Honey.

Chapter 6

Roland: It¡¦s okay if you want to stay here, I don¡¦t want to push you into something you don¡¦t want yet.

Shifter: Damn writer. She thinks that we should wait. Build up sexual tension¡KI mean make the reader think nothings going to happen¡Kkind of pointless really, what with the warning about explicit sex scene in this chapter

(Shifter arrives at Roland quarters)

Shifter walks into apartment and looks around (nosey *****). The tv is on with some video on pause.

Roland: What is it?

Shifter: *points* Isn¡¦t that a porn video?

Roland: What?! No¡Kno, it¡¦s an instructional video on what to do for someone who¡¦s injured their¡Kgroin area.

Video starts playing again.

Roland: SHIT!

Chapter 7

(Cass¡¦s apartment start of chappie)

Shifter: Guys come on. You don¡¦t want the Hammer to leave without me, do you?

Jade: Yes, we do. *looks like she¡¦s about to start crying*

Shifter: Goddammit! I hate kids. Help! Get them off me! Why do they have to be here anyway, they¡¦re not necessary to the script.

ME: Shut up! Readers think that little kids are cute. At least you didn¡¦t have to sit through fifty hours of auditions to find the perfect little bas¡Klittle darlings for the scenes.

(Few moments later)

Shifter: Not if I can help it. Have I ever lied to you guys before?

Strafe: Yes, this morning when we asked you why you and Roland were making strange noise, you said you were practicing new sounds to scare sentinels away. And when we asked you why the bed in your room made so much noise, you told us that you and Roland were rearranging the furniture.

Shifter: We were.

Strafe: Then why is all the furniture in the same place?

Shifter: Because we like it just the way it is.

Strafe: You just lied again.

(When AK is trying to tell everyone about Roland and Shifter)

Shifter: Oh, and what exactly is ¡¥the deed¡¦, AK?

Roland: Yes, please, AK. Explaing to us all what you mean by ¡¥the deed¡¦.

AK: *Screams like a girl and legs it off the main deck*

Shifter: You really have to stop wearing that mask from scream¡Kthe film suckz.

Roland: Hey, if it gets the job done.

Chapter 8

(Start of chapter, when Shifter arrives on main deck)

AK: Jesus, you look like shit.

Shifter: Thanks, AK. I wouldn¡¦t talk if I were you, you¡¦re not that great looking yourself.

AK: Actually I look great all the time. How else do you think Robert Mammone (for those of you that don¡¦t know he¡¦s the marginally talented actor behind AK) has such a huge fangirl following? Everyone loves me¡K

Me: Did I just say he¡¦s marginally talented?! Eepƒ» *legs if b4 Roberts fangirls catch her*

Shifter: Only because Keanu Reeves didn¡¦t make it into this fic, cos the writer thinks he¡¦s shit?

(Inside videoshop)

Roland: I¡¦m sure you don¡¦t mind if we answer that.

Jenny: Sure, go ahead. Please don¡¦t shoot me.

Jenny glances up at tv, where she has been playing and replaying the parts of Matrix: Rev that AK are in. She notices a resemblence to some of the films characters and her visitors.

Jenny: Aren¡¦t you¡K? And why didn¡¦t you-?

Roland: Yes we are. And we can¡¦t bring AK with us everywhere, he¡¦s our goddamn operator.

Jenny: *Starts drooling all over Rolands shoes*

Roland: WTF?! Makeup! Repair my spit damaged shoes *shoves Jenny away, who¡¦s trying to persuade him send AK to her*

Chapter 9

(Maggie, AK and Shifter are on their way down to the infirmary)

Maggie goes down the stairs first, followed by Shifter. Suddenly Shifter falls into Maggie, pushing them both down the stairs.

AK: *laughing* hey wadda ya know, the domino effect really does work on spiral stairs

Maggie: *groaning in pain* AK I¡¦m going to kill you.

(A few moments later)

Shifter: See, Maggie this is how it is. Working on this ship we could be attacked and killed to¡K*the Hammer gets blown up*

Chapter 10

(start of chappie)

Shifter: D¡¦yo hink you coul¡¦ eemove er¡¦ and ¡¥for ou do ¡¥at?¡¨

Roland: Damn, sorry. Are you okay?

Shifter: Fine. Except for the fact that some dickhead tried to rape me, then used my head to bounce the butt of an EMP gun off of and then you try to smother me. All in all a good week I think.

Roland *mutters something about it being Shifters time of the month and goes back to sleep*

Chapter 11

(Where Reactor starts whining about coffee)

Reactor: I want some more coffee.

Shifter: Then go get some, it¡¦s right over there.

Reactor: You expect me to serve myself?

Shifter: *Goes over and gets a cup of coffee and dumps it over Reactors head* happy now? Goddamnm whiny ass *****. *shoves broken cup in her face*

(Second time in mess hall)

Reactor: Oh, he is so cute!

Shifter: Who?

Reactor: The captain.

Shifter: You better stay away from my man, you *****! *starts a cat fight*

Chapter 12

Thaddeus: Are you ready?

Shifter: For a few days off? Definetly

Thaddeus: Locke didn¡¦t tell you that you¡¦ve been temporarily transferred to the Osiris, has he?

Shifter: Goddamn son of a *****. Wait till I catch you Locke I¡¦m going to beat the licing shit out of you. *turns back to Thaddeus* it¡¦s been five days, five long days. I want sex, goddammit! I¡¦ll give him monthlies, see how the **** he likes it, bastard. O.o

Thaddeus:¡Kumm okay¡K*runs away while he still can*

(After Shifter goes down alleyway, to avoid what she believe to be an agent)

Shifter slammed them up agains the wall, her right hand moving to smash them in the face. She tries to pull back but not in time.

Shifter: Oops! We need a new Roland over here!

And last but not least, not a part of the fic. I was actually lying in bed last night couldn¡¦t get to sleep and here¡¦s a few wishes I made¡Kthen I thought what if those wishes were misinterpreted?

A genie appears.

Genie: I will grant you three wishes.

Me: Okay, first wish. I¡¦d like to wake up on Roland on the Hammer.

Me: What the hell is that *pulls hammer out from under me, it has a small bed on it with what looks like a tiny squashed Roland on it* Okay not quite what I had in mind¡K

Genie: And for your second wish?

Me: I¡¦d like to be in bed with AK and Roland *looks at AK and Roland haviong sex becuz they r gay* also not what I had in mind¡K

Genie: And for your thrid wish?

Me: I¡¦d like to wake up in bed with AK

I end up in a bed with a Avtomat Kalashnikova (aka AK-47 Rifle)

Me: *shoots genie with AK-47*

I didn't read this but, possibly move to GF forum?

GF forum? what the **** is that?

General Fiction Forum / Area

oh nope my fic isnt going up there, its rated R and <insert name of guy in chare of that forum> said it would have to be edited and i didnt want that cos it might take some from the sotryline of the fic

Rex? Who is never on anymore?

yeah him

😑

nice face korri, what's it supposed to mean?

confusion 😐

huh? why? oh yeah i posted the fic in the general fiction forum (or whatever it's called) and the link is

http://www.killermovies.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=291727&perpage=20&pagenumber=1

👆