Is this the End?

Yes yes I know Xistenz is already in another fic, but this is a different Xistenz. Xistenz, Jade and Strafe are mine. The song ‘Going under’ belongs to Evanescence. Thanks to Korri for the bit at the end.

*********

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

50,000 tears I've cried

Screaming,Deceiving,

And bleeding for you

And you still won't hear me

*********

“Are you insane?! If you get caught with that do you know what will happen?” I yelled. Drake grabbed my arm.

“Be quiet!” He hissed at me. I pulled my arm free.

“I want nothing to do with this.” I walked away from him. But this was something that I couldn’t just forget. Shit, how do I always manage to get myself into this stuff? I wondered. I hurried home, trying to figure out what I was going to do.

“I thought you were going to help me with dinner?” Cas said as I came. I looked up at her and shook my head.

“Sorry, Cas. Drake wanted to show me something, guess I lost track of time.” I said. I was almost eighteen and this had been my home since I had been freed from the Matrix six years ago. Since Cas and Dozer had gotten married there had always been a plug-in foster child in their home; I was their third.

“What does he want now?” She asked suspiciously. Drake had a reputation for getting into a lot of trouble. I knew that Cas and Dozer didn’t like me hanging out with him, after what he did today I think they might be right.

“Nothing much, just wanted to show me something he’s made, that’s all.” I replied. She looked at me. I knew why, up until a few months ago I had been getting in loads of trouble, using drugs and hanging around with all the wrong people. Of course at the time I didn’t see anything wrong with my behaviour, but looking back now I can see why she and Dozer were so worried. I can understand her distrust in me. Like I said I had come to live with the when I was ten, AK; there last foster child had still been living here, before he went to work as the operator on the Hammer, strangely enough the same ship that had freed me from the Matrix. Switch had been with them before AK. Both AK and Switch hadn’t caused them any more trouble than your average teenager. Then I came here; I was nothing like AK or Switch. From the first moment I had stepped inside their home I had caused nothing but trouble, not going to school, or if I did then starting fights and getting into enough trouble that Cas had to go speak to my tutor at least once a week. Then when I was thirteen someone had introduced me to heroin and I felt like I had found the one thing I had been looking for all my life. I finally fitted in. It didn’t last very long though, pretty soon I was causing even more trouble than I had been previous to that and did a lot of stupid stuff. I started stealing from Cas and Dozer, one of the things I regret most because they had both been great to me. I remember once stealing from Jade, she had even been in the room with me at the time, I can remember the look in her eyes as she begged me not to. As much as I felt remorse for doing it, I still had to, sounds strange doesn’t it? I can’t say that any of that stuff actually stopped me from using the stuff, but it did help. Cas and Dozer didn’t know what to do. If I were to be honest about I’d say that I didn’t know what to do either. I felt like a lost little child who’s all alone in the world. And then about a year ago Cas, Dozer and Roland (the captain of the Hammer) had sat me down to talk. I thought they were going to kick me out, and to be honest I wouldn’t have blamed them. Then Cas said that they were really worried about me. They talked and I sat there saying nothing. In the end Cas went away, leaving me with Roland and Dozer took over. He told me that I was the only one they had fostered that had caused them so much trouble, I knew that already, but I guess he was getting a little pissed off every time he came home from a stint on the Neb he had to deal with whatever shit I had caused for Cas. Since I had started using it my emotions had disappeared, and I was left with only two; anger and indifference. And then I started talking to him, I told him that I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t turn out like AK and Switch, both of whom had good enough jobs, that I only had one outlet to get rid of that fear to use drugs. He sat down, and I could see the relief on his face that he was finally getting through to me. We talked long into the night. He told me that all anyone expected of me was to be myself, to do something that I wanted to do. Then he asked me if what I was doing was making me happy. Deep down I knew it didn’t, I was looking for a substitute. The next day I went cold turkey, an experience that I never want to repeat. And then I started looking at the jobs that I could start training for, with my qualifications there weren’t many. In the end I decided to start training as an operator, I didn’t have the right school qualifications for that either, but they had started a new program there that if you got another operator already working a ship or a captain to sponsor you then they would accept you. I didn’t want to ask Roland, because he had already helped me a lot, and I wanted to prove that I could this on my own so I asked AK, I was expecting him to say no, so I was very surprised when he said yes. Operator training on this program is for one year, then another year/year and a half as an operator’s apprentice on the same ship as the captain/operator that sponsors you. That’s what I’ve been doing for almost a year now.

“You’re not in anymore trouble are you?” Cas interrupted my long rambling thoughts. I looked back at her and shook my head.

“No, just something Drake was telling me.” I replied.

“Xistenz, he’s going to get you into more trouble.” She said exasperatedly. I didn’t know what to say to that, she was probably right.

“Anyway, we have to get this dinner up. They should be home soon.”

*********

Don't want your hand this time

I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)

Not tormented daily defeated by you

Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again

*********

“They?” I asked. She smiled at me.

“Two ships came in today. Dozer and Tank are coming as well as Switch, AK and Roland. I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it.” Cas told me.

“Been to busy studying for that test tomorrow.” I said.

“What test would this be little sister?” I turned to see that they had old come in. Switch grinned at me.

“The test see if I can kick your butt.” I replied. Immediately the two of us got into a mock fight.

“Not a change, baby sister.” She said putting emphasis on the word baby. She got me in a headlock, just as Jade pushed her way between us.

“How old are you two? Can’t you at least pretend to act your age?” She asked seriously.

“We could, but that’s no fun.” I told her. Jade stared at us until Switch released me. Then Jade ran to dozer allowing her father to scoop her up in her arms.

“You two clowns can help me.” Cas said to Switch and me.

“Do we have to?” I whined. Cas turned to me a smile on her face.

“No, of course not.” She said. I grinned at that.

“That is assuming that you don’t want to eat.” She continued.

“Dammit.” I muttered.

“What was that?” She asks over her shoulder.

“I said I’d love to help.” I replied.

“That’s what I thought you said.”

I sat down to dinner, we had to drag two tables together and we’re still all squashed together, Cas calls it ‘cozy’. I’m stuck in between Tank and AK, who are arguing back and forth about something. I’m not listening to busy thinking about what Drake has, and wondering what I should do about it. He’s starting something and I don’t know what to do.

“Xistenz.” A voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I glance over at Roland.

“What?” I asked.

“I hear your final test is tomorrow. If you pass it you could be heading out with us when we leave in a few days.” He says. Despite my thoughts I grin at him. I’ve always looked on Roland as the father figure I guess, even though Cas and Dozer fostered me, everytime the Hammer is docked Roland always makes sure to check up on me, make sure I’m doing okay.

“Yeah, I think I already have it.” I said. he raised one eyebrow.

“Counting all your eggs before they’ve hatched?” He asked.

“Not really, Roland. She’s already taken the other five tests and passed with the tops marks in each one. I hope you have a spare cabin onboard the Hammer.” Cas said.

“Top marks, I didn’t know that. Good work.” Roland compliments me.

“Wasn’t to hard once I stopped acting like an idiot.” I said.

“Hey, Cas can I be excused?” I asked. Cas looks up from her conversation with Dozer.

“You don’t want desert?” She asks me. I stand up, one hand pushing the chair back in.

“I’ll admit that I’m not afraid of much, Cas. But I made that desert, remember?” I said. I hear Tank snicker from beside me, my culinary skills aren’t great and everyone knows it.

“Even you can’t screw up that desert, Xistenz.” Cas tells me.

“Wanna bet?” AK mutters. I kick him under the table and smile at Cas.

*********

I'm going under (going under)

Drowning you (drowning you)

I'm falling forever (falling forever)

I've got to break through

I'm going under

*********

“Nah, gonna do some study before I sleep. That test is at six.” I said.

“Okay, if that’s what you want.” Cas says.

“See you guys later.” I said and left for my room. But I couldn’t concentrate, after about two hours I decided to go for a walk. Maybe when I came back I’d be better able to focus. I walk out of my room and I’m not really surprised to see that the others haven’t left yet. Dozer glances up as I come in.

“Going to join us for a while?” He asks. I shake my head and point at the door.

“Gonna go for a walk. Then come back and study some more.” I tell him. AK stands up; I find this a little strange because AK and I have never really gotten along all that well.

“I’ll come with you. Get away from these old guys.” He says.

“Hey, who you calling old?” Switch says. AK just grins at her and says nothing. He pulls the door closed behind us. We walk in silence for a while, until we get to the end of the walkway and start going up.

“So, what’s bothering you?” AK asks me. I look over at him.

“What makes you think something’s bothering me?” I ask.

“Oh I don’t know, the way you’ve been all evening at dinner, like you’re thinking of something else.” He says. I stop walking and lean on the railing, and I decide to tell him, well not everything but some of it.

“If you know someone’s doing something that could effect the whole of Zion what would you do?” I ask him.

“Doing something like what?” He asks. I look up at the fake stars imbedded in the ceiling, then back at him.

“You could say it’s a computer program. I told him that this ‘program’ could lead the machines right here to Zion and he doesn’t seem to care. He’s going to keep working on it, he wanted me to help him but I said no. Now he thinks that he can do it himself, and if the machines come here then it’s no big deal.” I say. AK’s expression doesn’t change, after a moment he turns to face me.

“Would you have a problem telling all of this to Roland?” He asks me. I think about it for a moment, then shrug.

“It might be best. I don’t know what the **** to do about it.” I tell him.

“I’ll go get him. Be right back, don’t go anywhere.” He says and jogs back the way we came. I stare up at the stars again, and I wonder what the sun would look like. When I had been in the Matrix I hadn’t taken much notice of anything except my computer. I had tried to hack into the Hammers main computer that was why Roland got me out, because I wouldn’t stop. I had been ten at the time.

“Interesting choice of words there, Xistenz. But you know I can’t let you tell them, don’t you?” I whirl at the sound of Drakes voice. Before I can ever react he slams his fist into my stomach; it is only when he pulls his hand back that I realise he is holding a knife. He stands over me as I slowly sink to the floor, my hand pressed to the wound in my stomach.

“By the way. It works properly now, I didn’t need your help anyway.” He tells me. He turns to go then glances back at me.

“It’s been fun, Xistenz. But I gotta run, don’t want to get caught, do I?” Then he fades into the darkness. I’m left there sitting on the floor trying to keep my stomach from spewing all over the floor.

*********

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

(I don't know what's real and what's not)

Always confusing the thoughts is my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again

*********

“Decided to take a rest while I was gone did you?” AK asks. I look over at him tiredly, behind him is Roland. Neither of them knows that I’ve been stabbed. There’s not much light here, so they can’t see that dark liquid pouring onto the floor beneath me.

“He said he already has it set up, he has to be stopped.” I say. AK looks down at me confused, and he sees the blood.

“Jesus Christ!” He’s instantly crouching next to me, his hand pressing into mine to help stop the bleeding. Roland is beside him now.

“What happened?” He asks.

“Drake, he heard us talking.” I reply.

“We better get her to the infirmary.” AK says. He removes his hand and pulls of his sweater, pressing it back to my stomach.

“Listen to me.” I say desperately. AK doesn’t even look up from what he’s doing.

“He has it set up already. You have to stop him before it’s to late.”

“What do you mean?” Roland asks, as AK scoops me up in his arms.

“He’s created something like you use on the ships to go into the Matrix. He says he can use it on everyone here, send them into the Matrix permanently.” I tell him.

“Goddammit! Are you sure?” Roland asks.

“I’ve seen some of it. It’s down in the lower levels, 109c.” I say.

“AK, can you…?”

“Yes, go!” AK says, Roland run back down the walkway. I finally fall asleep, I’m just glad I got to say what I had to before I did.

I wake up in the infirmary, and for a moment I can’t remember what happened, then it all comes flooding back, Drake stabbing me, Roland going to stop him and AK bringing me here. I sit up a little and instantly I can feel the pain radiating outward from my stomach, but it’s forgotten when I see Maggie the medic onboard the Hammer and AK lying on the floor, legs and arms splayed, as if they had just dropped. What’s happened to them? I wonder. I get off the bed, grabbing onto it when my knees buckled; I went over to AK and started shaking him, trying to wake him up. Nothing happens, now I’m really confused. Has he been drugged? I wonder.

“Shit!” I say aloud. I know now what has happened, Drake has used his invention. I freeze for a moment trying to decide what to do, if he’s used this invention of his that would mean that only him and me are still out here. I have to do something, I go to get one of the gurneys, and slowly, painstakingly I load first AK onto it and then Maggie and strap them in. I push the gurney towards the door and down the corridor towards the lift, I hit the button for the docks and the lift starts to move slowly upwards. It stops on the dock level and I push the gurney out, heading in the direction of the Hammer, no matter how I try though I can’t push it up the ramp. I unstrap them both and then drag them into the ship, then I go back and close the hatch, from the outside changing the code to open it. Then I make my way to the other four ships docked here; the Nebachadnezzer, the Gnosis, the Vigilant and the Brahma. The ramps on them are already closed, but I change the code to get them open, the last thing I need is Drake coming down here and setting off one of the EMP’s.

I make my way back to the Hammer; I have to work fast. I tie a rope in a loop and sling it under AK’s arms and then climb up the ladder, there are four levels on this ship and I haul him up level by level, once I get to the main deck I jack him in, then I go back for Maggie and do the same with her. I’m not even sure if this will work, but I have to try. I put the Matrix on a search for both of their minds; the computer will beep to let me know when it’s found them. Then I turn my attention to the communications system and start looking for the ships outside. This could take some time and they definitely need to know what’s going on here in Zion. Finally one by one they come on, first Niobe, then Thadeus, Ajax, Ballard, Tirant, Sift and Tremor. I know that they can all see and hear each other.

“What’s wrong?” Asks Tirant, the captain of the Novalis.

“There are four ships in Zion at the moment, The Hammer, Neb, Gnosis, Vigilant and the Brahma. I’m onboard the Hammer at the moment and I have AK and Maggie with me, I have them plugged in already and am doing a search of the Matrix for them.” I tell them all.

“There’s more?” Says Ballard the captain of the Caduceus.

“Yes, a few,” I suddenly remember I don’t know how long I’ve been knocked out.

“Some time ago a man called Drake sent everyone here in Zion into the Matrix, he created some kind of system that would do that. In other words the only people in Zion at the moment who are still awake are Drake, and me unless he’s sent himself in as well. I need you to do something for me.” I say.

“How is it that you’re not in the Matrix as well?” Niobe asks suspiciously.

“Before Drake did this he attacked me, stabbed me in the stomach. I’ve been out of it for a while, how long exactly I don’t know. But they probably had me fairly heavily drugged, maybe that has something to do with it.” I reply. The monitor beeps loudly just as I finish, I swing the chair around to face the monitors.

“I have a lock on Maggie and AK, they’re together. Give me a second and I’ll be right back with you.” Both AK and Maggie are in a hotel lobby at the moment, I ring the main reception desk at that hotel

*********

I'm going under (going under)

Drowning you (drowning you)

I'm falling forever (falling forever)

I've got to break through

I'm going under

*********

and ask the person working there to tell them to wait for a call in the third phone in the lobby. I know that it’s fairly well hidden, so hopefully no one will notice when they disappear.

(The Matrix: Hotel lobby)

“Would Maggie and AK please come to the reception desk please.” A pleasant female voice said over the intercom. At the sound of both their names Maggie and AK look at each other and then hurry in the direction of the desk.

“We need to be careful, this could be a trap.” AK tells her. Maggie nods in understanding.

“I’m Maggie, this is AK. What is it?” Maggie asks the woman behind the desk.

“Someone rang up a moment ago looking for you. She said to go to the third phone over there,” The woman points in the direction of the phone booths.

“And as soon as you get there to expect a call from home.” The woman went back to work. Maggie glanced at AK. The unspoken question of ‘who could it be?’ written on their faces. As they approached the phone started ringing.

“You first.” AK says to Maggie. She picks up the phone and presses it to her ear, she disappears.

(The real world: The Hammer)

Maggies eyes open and she’s on the Hammer. From behind the monitors I smile at her, feeling relief pour through me, it’s worked. I set the phone up again and soon we’re joined by AK, Maggie has already plugged herself out and is now doing the same for AK. I turn back to the communication monitor.

“I need you to do something. The people here in Zion haven’t had training in the Matrix; they need people to protect them. That’s you, they’re all set up in various different groups so it should be easy enough to get to them. I’m sending you the…” I see the looks Niobe is giving me.

“Or if anyone has a better idea?” I say for her benefit. Tirant, Ballard, Ajax and Thadeus shake their head.

“Your plan sounds like the best we have.” Ajax says. I’m joined by AK and Maggie as each of the captains’ log off to go to work in the Matrix.

“What happened?” AK asks. I look back at him and Maggie.

“Drake started it up. It seems to be working as well as he thought it would.” I told them.

“Where is everyone?” Maggie asked. I spread my arms, encompassing the whole os Zion.

“They’re strewn around everywhere. I’m not sure how we can stop him though.” As I spoke I was busily typing away at the keys.

“Got it.” I grinned at them.

“Got what?” Maggie asked.

“The jack ins from the ships that are here, I just sent them weapons and phones. Now all we need to do is find their bodies and get them out.” I said.

“Where are they?” AK asked. I shrugged.

“Your guess is a good as mine. But you might want to find them soon.”

“What’s the rush?” He asked.

“An operator all this time and you still forget. While they’re plugged in they can’t eat, if they stay in there for long enough then…” I shrugged.

“Oh.” He said quietly. I spun around in the chair.

“So go start finding people for me to unplug.” I waved my hands in the direction of the ladder. AK looked at Maggie and they both headed away after grabbing a headset each.

“And if you happen to be passing by the infirmary grab me something that will get rid of this pain.” I called over my shoulder.

“You’re still in pain?” Maggie asked.

“I’ve been stabbed in the stomach. And that is kinda painful yeah.”

“We’ll make a detour.” Maggie promised and they left. I went back to finding out where people were in the Matrix. A moment later AK came back.

“Did you change the code for the ramp?” He asked me.

“Oh, yeah,” I blushed slightly and mumbled something.

“What did you say?” He asked.

“I said ‘AK is a drag’.” I said quietly. He stood still for a moment and then started laughing, I blushed even harder.

“It is. That’s the code. I had to come up with a code fast and I was just after dragging you onboard. Close it up again when you leave.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to laugh. We’ll let you know who we find, when we find them.” He told me. I nodded but didn’t say anything, the pain was getting worse. Nothing I couldn’t handle but it was a little distracting.

*********

So go on and scream

Scream at me, so far away

I won't be broken again

I've got to breathe

I can't keep going under

*********

“We’re bringing in Switch and the Captain.” Maggie’s voice came over my headset.

“I’ll be ready for you.” I told her. A few moments they came back, AK plugged them both back in and then he and Maggie left again. I rang Switch’s phone first.

“Hey, sis. Got an exit for you, Eldrid St south.”

“Got it.” She said. Then I contacted Roland and gave him the same exit.

“What happened, Xistenz?” He asked me.

“I’ll explain whe - Shit! You got two agents behind you. Keep going I have another exit ready, end of Marcola road.”

“I’m on it.” He said and hung up. I pulled the spike free from Switch’s head and she stood up.

“Go help the others find people I can unplug. Code to open the ramp is ‘AK is a drag’.” I told her. She nodded and hurried away. I turned to go back to the monitors and collapsed. I came around a few moments later to the sound of Maggies voice through the headset.

“Yeah, I’m here.” I said as I dragged myself back to my feet.

“What happened?” She asked.

“I must have passed out.” I told her. I looked down at my stomach; my sweater was stained with my own blood.

“Shit!” I murmured. I grab one of the sweaters that Roland has left here; it’s red so hopefully no one will notice the blood.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Nothing, just remembered that I left the captain in there and he’s got agents after him.” I said. I hurried back to the monitors and saw that Roland was already at the exit, but so were the agents they were shooting at him. I hit a few keys and the phone started ringing, he grabbed it and all the agents managed to shoot was the falling phone as Roland disappeared. Then his eyes blinked open, I pulled the spike free and he sat up.

“Goddammit! I had agents on me, where the hell were you?” He snapped at me.

“Passed out on the floor.” I replied.

“He did it didn’t he?” He asks.

“Yeah. AK, Maggie and Switch are out there now looking for more people I can unplug. I contacted the other ships outside and told them what was going on here. They’re going to try and protect them until we figure out what to do.” I tell him.

“Good job.” He says.

“I need to take a break from this, AK…” I gesture to the monitors. AK nods and takes my place. I head down the ladder. I meet Switch as she’s returning with someone else. There is almost a ten-year gap between her and me, so you could say that we have never been that close, but she has always been like an older sister to me. I walk over to her and hug her tightly to me, before releasing her.

“If I don’t come back tell Roland that I’ve saved something for him on the computer, there’s also a disc for Cas, Dozer, AK and you. Goodbye, Switch.” I tell her, moving down the ramp quickly I hit the button at the bottom and the ramp closes rapidly, before it has closed fully I tap in a new code in the keypad at the bottom.

“Xistenz, what are you doing?! Don’t-” Switch tries to get out over the closing ramp, but doesn’t make it. I know what I must do and I don’t want any of them following me and stopping me. I go down to where I know Drake is, he hasn’t loaded himself into the Matrix at all, and as I come in he turns to face me.

“You’re not dead.” He says.

“No kidding. This ends now.”

“This is better than the real world.” He says.

“Yeah it’s so great you never bothered to put yourself under. Nor did you ask any of these people if they wanted to go in there.” I tell him. He leaps at me, but what he doesn’t realize is that as a plug-in operator I have received training. It is something they do with all plug-in operators, in case there’s an emergency and they need to go into the Matrix themselves. I duck under his swing and shove my elbow into his midsection; he falls back gasping for air. But I’m injured and I know that I need to make this fight quick or else he’s the one who’ll win. I sweep my leg out in a roundhouse kick, catching him on the jaw. He doesn’t take it without a fight though, he jabs his fingers into the wound on my side and I fall back hissing in pain. Then I’m on him again, fists pummeling him and eventually he goes down and doesn’t get up. I hurry to the console and start familiarizing myself with the controls, and then I do what will hopefully bring everyone back. After a few moments I hear people moving about and voice and I know that I’ve done it right, I pick up one of Drakes many tools and start to smash the console and his instruments with it. Once I’m done I turn to go back up and that’s when Drake slams into me from behind. Shit! I knew I should have made sure he was dead. I hear other voices now, shouting, I assume it’s Roland, or Commander Locke. Drake slams me back into the console and I can feel something, I look down and see something sticking out of my chest. I look back at Drake who’s grinning maniacally down at me. But he stops when I smile at him.

“You loose, Drake.” I tell him. He growls in frustration, and moves towards me again.

“Hold it!” That’s Locke’s voice. Already my vision is going black though, it’s cold, but not uncomfortably so.

“Hang on, Xistenz.” Says Roland. I can’t see him anymore, I can’t see anything.

“Wanted to say thanks to you.” I tell him.

“Thanks? For what?” He asks.

“No one I knew in there wanted to know the truth but I did, thanks for showing me that. Doesn’t matter anymore anyway, I’ve done what I was supposed to.” I say. I can hear him as he tries not to cry, and I wish that I didn’t have to do that to him, but I know if I was given the chance again I’d do it the same way.

“Freedom is what matters, Zion is free.” Those were my last words.

And when your fears subside. And shadows still remain I know that you can love me. When there's no one left to blame. So never mind the darkness. We still can find a way 'Cause nothin' lasts forever. Even cold November rain... (Thanks to Korri for this)

W. BROS SAID IT WAS THE END AND THEY SAID THEY WANT TO DIRECT ANOTHER TRILOGY.

...and this has what to do with my fic?

I dunno, maybe Solo id saying it's extremely good, which it is.

yes good fan fic

thanx guys🙂