Things my mom taught me
My mom taught me lots of things.
She taught me religion "¡Better pray that this f*cking stain comes off!"
She taught me logic "¡Because I say so!"
Taught me how to predict the future "Next time you'll get an F you'll be at a hospital wing ."
Taught me irony "Keep crying and I'll give you something to really cry about."
Taught me how to save stuff and not waste it "¡Keep your tears for the next time you fail a test!"
Taught me nutrition "¡Shut up and eat!"
Gave me flexibility "¡Look at all the filth in you, turn around!"
Taught me will power "You'll be sitting until you finish your meal."
Taught me meteorology "¡It looks like if a hurricane went through your room!"
Taught me the circle of life "¡I brought you to this world and I can take you out you dumb f*ck!"
Taught me behavior patterns
"¡Stop acting like your goddamn father!"
Taught me envy "¡There's millions of kids out there that don't have a mom like myself!"
Taught me ventriloquy "¡Don't talk back, now answer me !
Taught me orthodoncy
"¡Talk back at me again and I'll knock your teeth out!"
I LOVE YOU MOM !