The Definition
Nazgirls: Terrifying creatures with high-pitched screams who are strangely attracted to young androgynous males. Once they spot their prey, they will never stop hunting him. (However the appearance of a boy-band member may distract their attention for a moment.) No one knows what happens to their prey once caught, but it's sure to be a fate worse than death.
The Story
"Stay off the road!" Ian McKellan had warned him. But Elijah was caught unawares. He looks up, and feels a grim foreboding. "I think we should get off the road," he tells Sean Astin, who pays no attention to him. "Get off the road!" cries Elijah, and they huddle beneath a tree. Then he hears them: their terrifying screams fill the air. "The Nazgirls! The teenage love-crazed Nazgirls!" Elijah faints; Sean tries to protect him, but to no avail. The Nazgirls are upon them. Elijah is carried off into the night. Sean Astin stands alone, calling out desperately, "So what am I, chopped liver?"
Well see at the time Merry and Pippin were off drinking a pint, but later on the Nazgirls caught up with them..................................
AAAAHH!!!" Their hearts pumping Dominic and Billy rush for the ferry! Just as they are about to hop on, the Nazgirls catch up and tumble them to the ground. Evil screeching pours from their mouths and Dominic and Billy are left, helpless and in pain...
Just as all hope was lost...... Orlando to the rescue! He scoops up poor Dominic and Billy and takes them to the Prancing Pony. Orlando thought it was safe but then the Nazgirls came pounding down the roads of Bree!!!!!
The young men bar themselves in The Prancing Pony, as the Nazgirls shriek "Billy, give us some of that lovely Welsh accent!" Orlando barely ducks in time to avoid a barrage of love letters and blown kisses. "Quick!" he says, "Get Liv Tyler to bar the door. Hopefully that will keep them off!"
But the Nazgirls break down the door and Liv, Billy, Dominic and Orlando are forced to run out through the exit. They run towards the river.
Arwen calls the power of the river to wash them away, but the Nazgirls use their tons of fan mail to dam the flood. Just when Arwen is about to be stampeded, Gollum pops out of nowhere and yells at Elijah (who managed to escape while the Nazgirls were drooling over Orlando) "Forget the ring! I'm taking the girl!" then he grabs Arwen and runs off. The hobbits and Orlando are left defenseless...
Just then, Viggo swoops in with Sean Astin and Gimli. The Nazgirls are momentarily distracted by Viggo's manly, dimpled chin. Dominic takes advantage of the situation and gives one of them a paper-cut with a piece of fan mail. Billy's Scottish accent rises above the fray: "The Eagles arrre coming! The Eagles arrre coming!"
Everyone looks around to see what the heck he's talking about...
Hearing that The Eagles are a rock band, the Nazgirls are momentarily distracted. However, when they learn that the average band member's age is over 50, they rapidly lose interest. However, this has given Viggo enough of a head start to lead Elijah, Sean, Dominic, Bill, Gimli and Orlando to Weathertop.
Viggo gives them all a set of restraining orders against the Nazgirls. Shortly thereafter, Elijah and the others hear the Nazgirls' ecstatic screams. Rapidly, Sean, Dominic, and Billy are carried off by the adoring crowd. Gimli is left behind. Orlando has hidden himself behind a statue of himself. Oddly enough, the hobbits don't seem that upset. A large horde approaches Elijah. He drops his restraining order and falls backwards. He thinks of the Ring, "Hey maybe if I put it on, they'll think I'm married and leave me alone." Just then, the Captain leans forward and plants her lips on Elijah's shoulder. He cries out in pain.
Viggo arrives at the last minute, and drives the Nazgirls away by spraying them with French perfume. While they pause to admire their new scent, he inspects Elijah's wound.
"This wound is beyond my ability to heal. He needs Liv Tyler's medicine. This my friends, is a hickey of Mordor."
As he is carried towards Rivendell, Elijah's wound steadily grows worse; the purple hickey is spreading over his body. Suddenly the Nazgirls are upon them. Orlando shields Elijah from their wrath but then realizes that the Nazgirls have stopped chasing Elijah, and our now about to envelope him. Bloom quickly runs to the river and washes the blonde dye out of his hair hoping that the Nazgirls wont find him as attractive without it, but it fails.
But all is not lost. Liv Tyler is on the banks of the ford, having escaped from Gollum and utters a few words in Elvish. The river overflows its banks, and drenches the Nazgirls in a cold shower. Utterly bedraggled, the Nazgirls go home to blow-dry their hair and apply fresh makeup. Liv presses the dying, hickey-covered Elijah to her breast, and wonders, "What on Middle-Earth do they see in this androgynous little boy anyway--I mean, heck, put a dress on him and he'd look prettier than I am!"
But then, freshly made up and dressed in sexy little dresses, the Nazgirls are back!
CUT!!!! BRILLIANT!!!! IT WAS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!!!! IT'S ALL WE NEED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE!!!!
Only to realize................................. this was no movie!