The Stella Awards
Something so wrong with this picture
The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired
the Stella Awards for the most uniquely successful lawsuits in the
United States for year. Actually, joint awards should be given to
the plaintiff attorneys and the flaming idiots on the juries who
awarded anything at all to these morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!
The following are this year's winners:
HONORABLE MENTION: A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won
$74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with
a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was
someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his
neighbor's hubcaps.
HONORABLE MENTION: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was
awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the
buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a
chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought
because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked
at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a
pellet gun.
FIFTH PLACE: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a
soft drink and broke her coccyx! (tailbone). The beverage was on the
floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier during an argument.
FOURTH PLACE: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued
the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from
the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth.
This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window
in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was
awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
THIRD PLACE: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded
$780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping
over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners
of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict,
considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms.Robertson's son.
SECOND PLACE: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving
a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not
able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener
was malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the house because the door
connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The
family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and
a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance
claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury
agreed, to the tune of $500,000.
GRAND PRIZE WINNER: This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv
Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a
brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home,
having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself
a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed
and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in
the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this. The jury
awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually
changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there
were any other complete morons buying their recreational Vehicles.