my story help....

okay guys im writing a short story for english, and i need some help...ive already asked what blood tastes like, but i figured ill be asking for help occasionally so ill make a thred about it, then whenever i need help ill just put it in here instead of making a new thred 😱
i guess ill write the story and update it as i write more so you can understand whats going on. (i added the bit after the stars today tho im not too sure if im too happy with it 😬

"Megan slammed the door shut and screamed. Crying, she kneeled on the ground and covered her bruised face with her hands. As she lay there on the ground, gasping for breath, the memories of the past five torturous minutes came flooding back to her. The cold, hard fist that belonged to her father making contact with her face; the touch of his fingers around her delicate neck; his harsh words echoing inside her mind; and the fear of what he’d do next. Immediately, Megan stopped crying, and brushed the hair out of her face with her hands, and stood up. Silently proceeding to the mirror, she gasped and let out a few more tears. The gorgeous teenager that usually stood before her was gone, and the beaten and bruised one had returned.
Her usual bright green eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were dripping with a mixed liquid of tears and mascara. The long, silky brown hair was messy and knotted, and bits of it were sticking up on end.
Licking her swollen lips, Megan could taste the sweetness of her own blood from where her father’s anger had made contact with her olive skin. Not bothering to brush her teeth, remove her makeup, or even get dressed, Megan slumped onto her bed and immediately fell asleep.

*****

Megan woke the next morning with pains all over her body. Her head ached as she tried to lift it off the pillow, but failing. The heavy weight, the bruises and the tiredness left her lying there, tears developing in her beautiful eyes. But the screaming of her mother’s shrill voice got her up. As she looked in the mirror, Megan pressed her lips together tightly to stop a scream escaping them. Her face was heavily bruised, along with her neck, arms and legs. Awkwardly, Megan stood up and stumbled over to her silver dresser where her makeup lay."

okay my question...which do you think sounds better.
a) first she applied a heavy layer of foundation
b) first she applied a thick layer of foundation
c) first she applied a thick layering of foundation

i reckon C

ok....ill make a tally on my draft 😱 (lol, geeky i know but i love english!)

i gotts to go soon babe 🙁

aw why?

ah well so do i i guess 😬

Originally posted by m!$hA

"Megan slammed the door shut and screamed. Crying, she kneeled on the ground and covered her bruised face with her hands. As she lay there on the ground, gasping for breath, the memories of the past five torturous minutes came flooding back to her. The cold, hard fist that belonged to her father making contact with her face; the touch of his fingers around her delicate neck; his harsh words echoing inside her mind; and the fear of what he’d do next. Immediately, Megan stopped crying, and brushed the hair out of her face with her hands, and stood up. Silently proceeding to the mirror, she gasped and let out a few more tears. The gorgeous teenager that usually stood before her was gone, and the beaten and bruised one had returned.
Her usual bright green eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were dripping with a mixed liquid of tears and mascara. The long, silky brown hair was messy and knotted, and bits of it were sticking up on end.
Licking her swollen lips, Megan could taste the sweetness of her own blood from where her father’s anger had made contact with her olive skin. Not bothering to brush her teeth, remove her makeup, or even get dressed, Megan slumped onto her bed and immediately fell asleep.

*****

Megan woke the next morning with pains all over her body. Her head ached as she tried to lift it off the pillow, but failing. The heavy weight, the bruises and the tiredness left her lying there, tears developing in her beautiful eyes. But the screaming of her mother’s shrill voice got her up. As she looked in the mirror, Megan pressed her lips together tightly to stop a scream escaping them. Her face was heavily bruised, along with her neck, arms and legs. Awkwardly, Megan stood up and stumbled over to her silver dresser where her makeup lay."

ok ive added this bit!! plz choose which you think sounds better to go in the blanks with the a/b's!!

first she applied a thick layering of foundation (might change that, not sure) to cover her bruises and a scar that had formed overnight. she spent .....
a) over an hour applying makeup,
b) the next hour applying other makeup,
.............styling her hair and finding the right clothes to wear - all to cover up.......
a) the pain she was going through
b) her pain
.........
a) but pain isnt always showed on the outside
b) but sometimes its what's inside that counts

misha i wud.
Awkwardly, Megan stood up and stumbled over to her silver dresser where her makeup lay." She sat there holding her foundation as the cld sting of tears ran down her face. She wiped them away with her back hand and started to apply her make up. The bruises were stilly clearly visible through the fondation so she added another layer ths time quite thick. normally she wud wear her upbut today she styled it down to make sure tht the bruises were totaly covered.

thanx sexy 😱 ill edit it a bit...firstly coz i dont wanna COMPLETELY steal your work,and im such an english freak that if something isnt written how i would write it i get a little paranoid!!!
thanx sexy, i really like it 😊

its okay