LOTR Questionaires

all are rated G

NAME: Haldir

NICKNAMES: Haha

SEX: Male.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Out in the open under the gloriour trees..

HEIGHT: 7’2

EYES: Blue.

HAIR: Blonde.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: Animal documentaries.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Dwarves.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: The Archers weekly.

FAVOURITE SMELL: Nature.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Getting scolded by Galadriel.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Shooting dwarves…I mean orcs.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Wash my hair, Practice my archery (not that I really need it), practice my sneer in the mirror.

AVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Lotr

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: I never went to sleep last night.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Not recently.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: What is a Roller Coaster?

PEN OR PENCIL?: Pencil, I have not heard of this pen that you speak of.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: You have one of the Rings of power <draws bow>

FAVOURITE FOODS: Lembas

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Of course.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: Of course not! I am a Marchwarden, a guardian of Lorien, a protector of the person of Lord Cele…<voice goes on and on>

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla.
.
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Croutons.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: I have never driven a horse drawn cart. That is for the likes of men not elves.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: <Shifty look> No.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: An attack dog.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: Balrog…teach those nasty dwarves to mess with me hahahaha.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Scary…but if you tell anyone…

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: My parents (Tolkien didn’t even mention them. I mean seriously did he think I and my brothers Rumil and Orophin were just found under a cabbage?)

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: >.<

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Saggitarrius (the Archer I believe)

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: I always eat my greens…brocolli is green right? (I’m colour blind)

GUYS-WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: Of course. I would not leave a girl get cold.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I already have the perfect job. I am Haldir, Marchwarden Captain <Strikes heroic pose and falls of small mound of earth>

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I have perfect hair, why would I want to dye it?

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: Tattoos of orcs one for every orc I’ve killed…no wait I don’t think I have enough body space for all those orcs.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: No

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: I don’t want to get married.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: pictures of dwarves with darts in them.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: It’s empty. <Mutters under breath> stupid human.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: What is snapple?

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Either hand. What does ambidextrous mean?

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: of course.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: a grass cutter.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: Fluff.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: 6

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: never had one

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?: I don’t have one

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Hunt the dwarf.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: You are a nice person.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: My brother Rumil, he is so lazy.

Forwarded: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

From [email protected] to [email protected]

NAME: Elladen

NICKNAMES: Ellie, El

SEX: Male.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: I share a room with my bro

HEIGHT: 7’5

EYES: Black.

HAIR: Black.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: CSI Lorien.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Dead bodies.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Elf Maidens of ME.

FAVOURITE SMELL: Human Sweat.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Getting caught by Ada after I play a joke on Arwen.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Playing jokes on Arwen.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Play jokes on Arwen, plan more jokes to play on Arwen.

AVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Pinky and the Brain.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: Where the hell am I?

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Nope.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Exciting.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Pencil

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: Ada won’t let me have a phone…not since he found out I was the one making crank phone calls to his phone at 3am.

FAVOURITE FOODS: Sugar.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Depends.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: No, that time I spent in the Elf prison was just Ada trying to teach me a lesson…didn’t work though.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Both
.
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: I hate Salad!

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Only if that means driving Arwen insane.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: Nope.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Whatever scares Arwen.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: See above.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Do they scare Arwen? If yes then they’re cool.
IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Gil-Galad. I’d like to ask him what in the name of Sauron possessed him to give Vilya to Ada.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: whatever has the most sugar.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Gemini.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Blech!

GUYS-WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: Not if it was Arwen.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: The official tormentor of Arwen.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Blue. Arwen hates blue.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: a spider on my face.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Nope.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Girls are icky.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: nothing, I’m being punished at the moment remember?

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Ahhhh! I need more Coca-Cola!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: Coca-Cola flavour.

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Left.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Nope

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A sledge Hammer.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: Elrohir. Ada gave us bunkbeds.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: whatever Arwen hates.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: not old enough to have one yet.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?: I don’t know what a car is.

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Watch Arwen run and Scream.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: Haldir is cool!

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: Ada. He says he’s to busy to answer his email. (What is an email?)

Forwarded: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

From: [email protected] to [email protected]

NAME: Elrohir.

NICKNAMES: Ellie, El (you think that’s cool huh? See how cool it is when I don’t know if someone’s calling me or my bro)

SEX: Male.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: I share a room with my bro.

HEIGHT: 4’5

EYES: Black.

HAIR: Black.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: CSI Mirkwood

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Dead bodies.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Ultimate X-Elves.

FAVOURITE SMELL: Roses.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being mistaken for Elladen after he plays a joke on Arwen.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Getting revenge On Elladen after I get blamed for his jokes.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Torture my bro, sharpen my knives.

AVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: The Darth Vadar theme from Star Wars (works especially well when I’m sharpening my knives on Elladen)

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: Why does Elladen get the top bunk?

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Nope.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Exciting.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Both.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: We don’t have a phone…stupid Elladen.

FAVOURITE FOODS: Potatoes.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Yes.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: I haven’t. however I have been convicted for something Elladen did.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Bacon bits! Do you think I’m a pansy?

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: No.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: Yes. A stuffed Balrog that Haldir sent me.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Are you kidding?! Elladen is enough, I can’t take care of anything else until he grows up…at this rate I’ll never be able to get a pet.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: Anything that Elladen isn’t.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Cool.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Rumil. That elf was a genius, do you know he created the first written form of Elvish?

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: I’m not old enough to drink.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Gemini.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: I’m not overly fond of broccoli.

GUYS-WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: Yes.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I’ll let Elladen choose his job first then I’ll get anything he doesn’t.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I like my hair the way it is.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: Do you know who my father is?! He’d kill me if I got a tattoo.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Not yet, but some day I hope to.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Someone who is intellectual. With a lot of meat on her bones, none of these stick insects for me.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: The walls are bare at the moment. It’s Elladens fault, Ada found out he was using pictures of Arwen as target practice.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: what is Snapple?

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Right.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Yes.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: What is the most useful?

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: My knives.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: 1, 613, 789, 684, 654.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: Don’t have one.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?: Don’t have one of those either.

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Archery competitions.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: My brother is a very goodlooking person (well he should be shouldn’t he? Look who he has for an identical twin.)

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: Glorfindel. He’ll be to busy telling anyone who listens about how he killed that Balrog.
Forwarded: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

To: [email protected] from: [email protected]

NAME: Celeborn.

NICKNAMES: Lord, Lord Celeborn, Celeborn, Sir, Dear (screamed in a rather shrill voice…will my wife be reading this?)

SEX: Only with Galadriel…mores the pity.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: With my beleoved wife.

HEIGHT: 7’6.

EYES: Green/blue.

HAIR: Blonde.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: Smallville.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: A picture of my wife.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Famous Elven Lords.

FAVOURITE SMELL: My Wives perfume.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Having to sleep on the couch after an argument with Galadriel…you really think I would have learned after the first hundred years of marriage.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Making up with Galadriel after an argument.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Strut around Lorien lording it over everyone, aiding my wife with her many tasks.

FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Whatever the wife is listening to.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: Oh **** she’s still here.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Sometimes…I have a delicate tummy.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Deadly.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Pencil.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: I have aides to answer the phone.

FAVOURITE FOODS: Whatever the wife is cooking for dinner (I learned my lesson the first time I insulted her cooking…never again)

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Not since they died
(Are Celeborn’s parents dead? I can’t remember that part - Shifter)

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: Are you kidding I’m the Lord of Lorien I can pardon myself…I mean no of course not, I have to set the standard for the younger elves after all.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Chocolate.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Neither.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Only if Galadriel isn’t coming, she likes to tell me what to do…stop and ask for direction, go faster, go slower…theres never any end to it.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: Only my wife.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: My wife’s allergic to most animals…*Runs out to pet store*

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: heh see above.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Scary.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: The author of this, that would be so kewl!

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: whatever’s left in the drinks cabinet after last nights bender…hey you’d have the odd drink to if you were married to Galadriel.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Virgo.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Yes.

GUYS-WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: Not if it was Galadriel.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Something far away from here.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Violet. Except ‘She’d’ kill me.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: One of my mistresses name, on my butt, but then Galadriel would find out about her and I’d be in deep ****.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes…but then I got to know Galadriel, unfortunately that was after we got married.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: I had it already, once was enough.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Look at who I’m bloody married to! The walls are covered in scenic pictures of Lorien and Rivendell.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Half empty

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: what is Snapple?

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Both.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: No.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A hoe.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: I can’t say out loud, this is G rated.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: 0.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: N/A

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?: N/A

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Gaelic.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: My nephew is such a good elfling, one day he’ll grow up to be just like me: smart, intelligent, handsome and married to his worst nightmare.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: Galadriel.

Forwarded: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

From: Oh Great Lord of Lorien @ Lorien . net

To: Lord of the Prance @ Rivendell . net

NAME: Elrond.

NICKNAMES: Lord Elrond, Ronny, Ron, Ada.

SEX: Not since my moved to Valinor.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: With my two wonderful twin sons.

HEIGHT: 7¡¦0

EYES: brown.

HAIR: Balding.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: Casualty (for those of you who don¡¦t know Casualty is sort of like the english version of ER)

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Mouse footprints?

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Medical Journal.

FAVOURITE SMELL: Anteseptic.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Having no one to heal.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: ramapging disease, famine, plagues that sort of thing (more people for me to show of my talents you see).

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Heal injured elves/humans [shudders]

FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Flatliners.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: Who needs to be healed today.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: I¡¦m a healer, of course I don¡¦t get motion sickness¡KI just whip up a potion to sort my motion sickness out.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Deadly (one can always hope can¡¦t they)

PEN OR PENCIL?: Whichevers handiest.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: I got rid of my phone after I started getting crank calls from a person looking for Eileen Dover, or her husband Ben Dover.

FAVOURITE FOODS: Fresh meat, cooked rare (reminds me of my profession)

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: No.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: Not since I killed the last person¡KI mean they died of natural causes, I was there, unfortuently I couldn¡¦t heal them ƒ¼

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Croutons, I must keep the standards up.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Not particularly.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: Does a stuffed orc with pins stuck in it count?

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I have two sons. I think I¡¦ll wait until they grow up before I get a pet.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A mother hen.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Cool, someone might get struck by lightening and need me to heal them.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Myself.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Wine.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Capricorn.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Of course, I want to keep healthy.

GUYS-WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: I do that all the time.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I already have the greatest job im a healer.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Blonde. Blondes have it so easy.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: Knife intertwined with a snake, I don¡¦t know why but that sounds like a nice one.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: To a healer in a hospital.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: My stethoscope and healers bag.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: It just is

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: Peach

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: To be a healer you need to be multy talented.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Yes.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A Chainsaw.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: Nothing, being a healer I keep everything spotless, no germs.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: Whatever number of people I have to heal today.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: N/A

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?: N/A

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Hurling.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: My father in law is a saint (he¡¦d need to be being married to that witch)

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: My son in law.

Forwarded: Mangy Human Ranger @ Middle of Nowhere . net

Beloved Daughter @ Rivendell . net

Glorfy Balrog Slayer @ Rivendell .net.

To: Glorfy Balrog Slayer @ Rivendel . net

From: Best Elf Healer of All Times @ Rivendell .net

NAME: Glorfindel

NICKNAMES: Glorfy, It’s that Balrog slayer dude!, OH MY GOD! (screamed by my many admiring female fans).

SEX: All the time…oh I mean male.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Whoevers talon I get invited to for the night.

HEIGHT: 7’9.

EYES: Blue.

HAIR: Blonde.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: Buffy the Balrog Slayer.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Balrogs.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Balrog Slayers.

FAVOURITE SMELL: Balrog blood.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Finding out Arwen stole my horse.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Slaying a Balrog.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Go Balrog hunting, spend time with my fans, sharpen my sword and knives.

FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Lord of the Balrogs.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: Which Balrog will I slay today.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Hell no.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Exciting.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Pen.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: Twelve.

FAVOURITE FOODS: Balrog flesh.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Yes.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: Yes.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: For a slayer like me it’s got to be bacon bits.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Yes.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: A Balrog slayer like me does not sleep with stuffed animals. *quickly hides stuffed teddybear*

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: A pussy 🙂

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A cock 🙂

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Cool.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Sauron.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Balrog whiskey.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Leo! Hear me roar baby!

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: No.

GUYS-WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: Yes.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: What’s better than being a balrog slayer?

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Black.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: A balrog.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: No.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: I don’t want to get married. Unless you’re a woman asking these questions and are interested in me, then my answer is I want to get married to you baby.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Posters of Balrogs.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: It’s broken.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: Strawberry.

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Lefty.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: No.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A hoe.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: My sword, knives, bow, arrows and a family sixed pack of condoms.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: 3.

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Balrog hunting.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: Elrond is a wonderful role model, and anyone would be proud to have a son like Elrohir.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: A balrog becos I think I killed them all.

To: I Have the Greatest Elf of Them All @ Lorien . net

Dead Balrog @ Depths of Moria . net

Silent Marchwarden @ Lorien . net.

To: I Have The Greatest Elf of All @ Lorien . net

From: Glorfy Balrog Slayer @ Rivendell . net

NAME: Galadriel.

NICKNAMES: Gladrags, Hunny bunny, Granny.

SEX: Not recently (Celeborn can’t get it up).

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: With my husband.

HEIGHT: 7’0.

EYES: Blue.

HAIR: Blonde.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: Queen of the hill.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Me.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Good Housewife.

FAVOURITE SMELL: My husband.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Losing the ring of power.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Having…ummm…you know, with Celeborn.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Keeping house, spring cleaning, polishiung my Nenya.

FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Queens of the Stoneage.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: Which room will I clean today?

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: All the time.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Deadly.

PEN OR PENCIL?: Neither.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: I answer it before it rings (knowing things before they happen is always a help).

FAVOURITE FOODS: Salad.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Not anymore.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: No.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Chocolate.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Croutons.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: No.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: Does Celeborn count?

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: A cute fluffy bunny wabbit.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: See above.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Scary.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: My father.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Elderlower wine.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Scorpio.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Yes.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Celeborns Mistress.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I like my hair. Why what’s wrong with it?

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: my husbands name across my…

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: I still am.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Loads of Elderflowers, a billowy flowing white dress and Celeborn.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Beautiful pictures of Lorien and Rivendell, Celeborn loves them.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Yes.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: Elderflower.

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: I’m always right!

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Yes.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A shovel.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: Umm…nothing [blushes]

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: 48.

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Ballet.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: I can’t. I don’t even know how Glorfindel got my email because I never met him.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: The humans, they never like to do anything themselves.

To: Traitor of Rohan @ Sarumons seaside Resort . net

King of Gondor @ minas Tirith . net

Dead King of Rohan @ wherever dead people go . net

To: Traitor of Rohan @ Sarumons seaside resort.net From: house elf of the year @ lorien .net.

NAME: Grima Wormtongue.

NICKNAMES: Wormy, Snake and Traitor.

SEX: No one will have sex with me, in fact I’m still a virgin.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: Sarumon’s seaside resort.

HEIGHT: 4’0

EYES: Shifty.

HAIR: Greasy.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: All the King’s Men (that was me once).

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Mouse Droppings.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: I don’t have one.

FAVOURITE SMELL: That weird stuff Sarumons used to blow the wall of that place in Rohan.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being kicked out by Theoden.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being the King’s right hand Snake…I mean man.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Sit out on the balcony and watch the world go by.

FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Highlander.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: Another lovely day at the sea (for those of you who can’t tell I’m being sarcastic O.o)

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: On a regular basis.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: [vomits]

PEN OR PENCIL?: Pencil.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: We don’t have a phone, it was cut off by Eircom.

FAVOURITE FOODS: Seafood.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: I did until I killed them.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: only being a traitor to King Theodan, helping Sarumon try to destroy all of Rohan and kill of Rohans.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Croutons, but only if they’re soggy my teeth arent what they used to be.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: No.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: Yes, a stuffed horsey, reminds me of home.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: A dog (don’t they like to piddle up against trees or Ents I’m not fussy really).

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: Ditto.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Scary.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Sauron, I’d like to get a few tips from him about how he managed to betray everyone he knew.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Whatever I can get.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Haven’t you been reading?…Virgo

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: If I can get them.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: To be the Kings aide again…ahh those were the days, mein freud.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Grey.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: I wouldn’t.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Ever hear of Eowyn?

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Eowyn and a bed.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Squashed flies.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Half Full.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: Water.

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Lefty.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Yes.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A Wheelbarrow.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: All the stuff I steal.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: Green.

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Golfing.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: She reminds me of Eowyn.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: Everyone.

To: New King of Rohan @ Rohan . net

I hate Grima @ Rohan . net

Sarumon @ Sarumons Seaside Resort . net

To: New King of Rohan @ Rohan . net

From: Traitor of Rohan @ Sarumons seaside resort.net

NAME: Eomer.

NICKNAMES: King Eomer, your Majesty, your Royal Highness.

SEX: Not yet.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: The Palace.

HEIGHT: 6’3.

EYES: Blue Grey.

HAIR: Dirty blonde.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: Inside the Life of the Royalty.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Horses.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: Equestrarian weekly.

FAVOURITE SMELL: Damp horses.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Being kicked in the gut by a horse.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Riding a horse (I know most men might say a woman but…)

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Ride my wooden horsey (if it’s raining, don’t want to get a cold after all), ride a real horse, brush horses, clean out horse stable, polish my saddle.

FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: The horse Whisperer.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: I hate falling asleep while I’m riding.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: I am a Riddermark? Hello!!!

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Horse riding is better.

PEN OR PENCIL?: That is a sick question.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: Who needs a phone when we you have horse mail carriers?

FAVOURITE FOODS: Whatever I can catch when I go hunting.

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Yes.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: No.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Vanilla.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Bacon.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Yes.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: Not anymore.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: A horse…oh wait I have some already.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A horse.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: Cool, especially when you’re out riding your horse.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Whoever thought up horse riding.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: I don’t ride and drink, I might spill my ale.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Aries.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: No.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: To be First Riddermark, oh wait I am hahaha.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I’d be bald.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: A horse on my @$$.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Does falling in love with horses count?

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: I don’t want to marry, unless it’s a horse that’s been reincarnated into a woman.

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Posters of horses.

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Empty.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: Horse flavour.

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Both.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: Yes.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A Rake.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: Nothing.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: one.

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Horse riding.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: I’m glad he decided to relocate to a different area of ME.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: Eowyn, she won’t talk to me since I referred to her baby as an ‘It’.

To: I Have a SON u Moron @ Minas Tirith . net

Mangy Human Ranger @ Middle of Nowhere . net

My Eye Burns @ Dark Smokey Place . net

To: My Eye Burns @ Dark Smokey Place . net

From: I am the Horse Whisperer @ Rohan . net

NAME: Sauron.

NICKNAMES: My Lord, Lord, The Eye, Your Evilness, The Great Eye, Oh $$$$! (Screamed by my enemies just before I killed them)

SEX: Not in a few hundred years now.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: The top of this tower.

HEIGHT: Don’t you need a body for that?

EYES: Inflamed.

HAIR: No hair.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?: Pinky and the Brain (what’ll we do tonight , Brain?)

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Me.

FAVOURITE MAGAZINE: I cant read.

FAVOURITE SMELL: I have no nose.

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Realising I’m dead.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Cooling eyedrops.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Plan how to take over the world (maybe I should consult Pinky and the Brain, they have a few good ideas).

FAVOURITE SOUNDTRACK: Darth Vadars Theme from Star wars (that man was agenius, pity hes dead)

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?: I I don’t sleep.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: …

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING?: Ur really not listening are you?!

PEN OR PENCIL?: Pen.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: I miss my ring…

FAVOURITE FOODS: Oh for $$$$ sake!

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: I killed them, so I’d say that’s a definite no.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME: Besides kill loads of people, try to destroy ME and try to take over the world? No.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: …

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Grr…

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: No.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: I DO NOT SLEEP!!!

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: An Orc.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: Alive.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY?: There nice and cooling on my burning eyes.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Isilduir, I’d kick his @$$.

FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: No Body, No mouth…idiot.

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: A fire sign probably.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: see that alcholic qs.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: King of the World.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I have no hair either.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: on my eyeball probably O.”

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes…I really miss my ring [Starts to cry]

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: NO!

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: I don’t sleep. What the hell would I need with a bedroom?

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: What glass?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SNAPPLE?: [Sigh]

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: See above.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: …

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: A mosquito swater…always flying into my eye, I’ll show you.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: I don’t sleep.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE NUMBER?: One (ring)

FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH: Orc baiting.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: Who did send this to me? When I’m alive again I’m going to kill them.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: Elves, Men and all other free peoples.

To: My Father doesn’t love me @ Minas Tirith . net.

Holy Hobbit @ Hole in the ground Hobbiton . net

Mangy Human Ranger @ Middle of Nowhere . net