http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?ibpxt4mykmw
check my awful art
http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?ibpxt4mykmw
check my awful art
Originally posted by Nataku8188
And you are both my slaves, now back to making me dinner!::Cracks his whip::
*Pats him on the head*
You're TOO cute; I enjoy you TOO much; I'll have someone else for dinner. I won't "make you dinner" unless you get too impudent for my tastes, heheheh. Then it's in the oven...well, actually, I'd roast you over an open fire; but you know that, don't you? Delicious.
Orange, I'm perfectly confident they're all women when they tell me so. Especially the ones who are you!
Paola...my adorable, my delectable... Nataku's put me in mind of devouring someone. PM me! Oh- I can't see the paint page- it says I need to download a program...is that safe? I am such an INNOCENT. I'm just your Li'l Red Lamb of Love. An' you're my blood-sugar, mmm-hmm, yeh!
We're only playing, Robo, honest.
Next Venom, I just read your story- which is solid and exciting.
Couple things:
"He hadn’t seen her in years. {He had lost contact with her and pretty much everyone else that had meant something in his life up to that point when the Spider-jerk Parker had destroyed his life. When he screwed up that Sin-Eater article, fingering the wrong man as the killer.} He had not seen her since driven to desperation and despair he went to the church, seeking forgiveness before he killed himself. Not since he and the alien had found each other in the church and they had been reborn. The alien had likewise been forsaken by one it had trusted and loved. Together they found common sorrows—and common hatreds—that made them one."
I'd work a bit on this exposition. It's good that it's brief, and that it's presented as his thoughts, not as the author's/narrator's voice. That would be an intrusion. However, I don't think it will be understood by those unfamiliar with Venom. In such a short story, it's hard to develop a charactor's past. Let much of it remain a mystery. I wouldn't try to explain his vendetta toward Spidey, so I wouldn't even allude to it. Too little info is more confusing than none! It's just my opinion, but I'd snip those bracketed sentences.
__In a short story, every word counts and Spider-man is not relevant to this tale.
__I want to say I love the pivotal scene with Mary shooting at him! I'm glad you found that truly unexpected and delightful way for her to express her conflicted feelings!
__On the whole, this is fantastic. The charactorization is profound, complex- Mary isn't what she appears any more than Eddie. Less, actually. That's your point, isn't it? What a bold and clever use of Venom- making him a prop to establish, by contrast and comparison, the "alien world" inside any human's head. Excellent choice, putting Mary in a wheel-chair, and making her a single Mom, and her dying father's caregiver...all aspects that would typically be used to position a charactor as a "good-guy." However, profoundly unstable people fulfill these roles all the time. And that's because instability is pretty damn human.
I'd say the ending could benefit by a change... instead of narration that is unfixed in time, which abrubtly yanks us from our intimate kitchen scene, I'd suggest you end while continuing that scene. Show Mary calmly calling her daughter back in and asking her to set the table, and finish with them breakfasting, showing the different way each charactor is experiencing the meal and the situation. Only give us Eddie's thoughts, but let us see his observations of Mary and her daughter and let those observations prompt his fears and concerns, so they flow naturally.
And I realize something: Naomi and Christina have many things
in common.
😕
Firstly, they both have difficult childhoods;
Secondly, they have rivals (Malice and Paula);
Thirdly, they can't master their emotions and their inner demons.
😮💨 😆
But a another thing, Christina is part and could take
the symbiote down just by looking at it. 😛