Hey this a cut out of something i've been working on. Umm heres a lil info of what ins't in the paragraphs i posted.

Vane is on a tree branch the tree branch extends all the way out to the middle ofa twenty foot span stream. Urber river. At that point in the river its not deeper then a foot .

Alright i want to know

is tell me what you dont like about it maybe how i could fix it
thnxs

***

This odd small noise was coming off from the left. It sounded like a very quick and repetitive but dull'CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’
Instantly Vane jerked his head left concentrating on the sound. It seemed like it was coming straight down the from the river. A forest frenzy of branch’s was crowded in over the river up ahead. You couldn’t see what was behind it. He could still hear clear enough 'CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’ It was becoming louder but this time a bit slower. Vane clutched the rope at his side as sweat poured into it of anxiety. He fixated his eyes on the branch’s covering the river. 'CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’ It was getting closer what was it.

The branch’s busted aside as strong brown short haired stallion ran right down the river. It had black glinting eyes. The high splashing water pelted up his long feet. With each splash his fur grew a darker shade of his perfect brown coat. He dashed down through the stream with a wild sense like a untamed rogue.
Vane seized up the rope at his side and stood up on the tree branch. He didn’t know where this horse came from but he was ready he been waiting for it. Keeping his balance Vane slowly walked down the end of the branch. Time was rushing past him he feared he wouldn’t be able catch the wild horse. Vane let the “O” shaped lasso hang down under the branch where he’d expected the horse would pass.
The soon to be Stallion was only a few yards away. It launched itself into the air with a loud neigh. Vane gently swung the lasso into the flying horse.
It’s head smoothly slid right into the lasso while it was still air borne. Landing down on the ground the horse stood still ripping his head back and forth trying to get out of the lasso.
Vane yelled while he pulled as far back as he could against the horse. It seemed like he had managed to capture the horse but only for a split second. Vane stood all the way up his feet sturdy planted into the branch. He looked at the horse but completely unexpected with a burst of speed it bolted forward. With that force it had been able to rip Vane off the branch.
“Ahhhhh!” Vane screamed. Clenching onto the rope he landed shoulder into the ground breathing rapidly. In front of him the magnificent beautiful horse stood up on It’s back leg’s neighing with excitement. The horse spared no time and jumped forward taking off directly through the middle of the Urber Stream. Dragging Vane face forward down the stream.
Each rock that was in the stream blistered right through Vane’s flesh as he continued to be dragged down the long trail of rocks. His body was soaked through the river he could barely see anything. His face was stuffed under the water he could barely hold it up long enough for quick breaths of air before he fell back into the water. Vane knew only one thing and it was to not let go of the rope. That rope meant everything. It meant the promise to his mother and ultimately it meant proving to King Gaddler what seemed impossible but was only improbable.

Every second longer he held the rope his palms burnt more from the rope burn. The horse was puling with such enormous power there was no chance of him being able to stop it with his own strength but Vane still refused to let go. Vane knew he couldn’t keep this up much longer. He had to manage a way to stop it. Barely able to breathe his lungs felt exhausted. So he pushed him self up onto his right shoulder and rolled onto his back. Holding his arms and the rope against his chest.

Finally he wasn’t in the water and inhaled several sobs of air. The back of his shirt was being cut apart from the edge’s of jagged rocks his back ran over. This is the longest river in Ellen so it wouldn’t be ending anytime soon. Vane couldn’t count on the horse getting out of it on it’s own free will. The only reason the horse would get out if it was getting deep and Vane was positive the Urber Stream doesn’t get much deeper until much further down. Panicking to think and yet still forcibly hold onto the rope. He got a idea.
Vane’s let go of his left hand holding it out in the air so not to be caught in the stream. He replaced it onto a higher area of the rope retightening his grip. Pulling himself up as much as he could with his left hand. He let go of his right hand and moved that up along the rope. Grasping the rope up higher he continued to pull himself backwards up the rope. Vane licked his lips unsure he knew he was going to loose a hold of the rope. His grips weren’t nearly as strong as before.
Something had urged the horse to run faster now probably the fact it was being pulled at even more. Vane knew he had to do something quick he wasn’t already cut up a lot and couldn’t hold on forever.
With all of his force he rolled onto his right shoulder again. Throwing his feet in front of himself he was digging his heels into the gravel river trying to pull the horse to a stop. His hands were sliding right down the rope at a fast pace. His mind was racing when the horse didn’t stop. Vane noticed a noise, a noise that had been there for a while he just never considered it. It was a lot more
CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’ CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’ CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’

Before he could depict it any better and think on it. The horse neighed taking a sharp turn left right out of the river. With the sharp turn Vane was loosely swung sideways. He completely lost his left grip on the rope.
Now out of the river Into the forest there was some quick hoof Cluck. Still being dragged full speed a black blur sped right towards Vane and the rogue horse. The blur leaped into the air. It was a man in black on a black horse he smiled at Vane for a lone moment. What Vane didn’t notice was the dangerous machete in his hand. With one swift swing from it he cut right through Vane’s rope. Vane fell flat onto his back. He heard the hoof beats of both horse’s running off.

CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’ CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’ CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK ,CLUCK’