(I’m positive I’ll get burned for this, but I’m just trying to have some fun 🙂 )
Let’s first take a look at our two competitions, we have one from Kansas and another from the city. Ma Kent probably has had experience working on the farm and therefore has built quite a beefy physical figure. On the other hand we have Aunt May, minimal physical exercise in the city but resulting in a more streamlined beautiful figure (when they were 17). On a normal day Aunt May would bench I’d say 25 lbs whereas Ma Kent would demolish that number with 35 lbs!!! In a fight they would start to scratch at each other, Aunt May would get to an early start due to her fake French nails she bought for $32.95 at whatever store she got it at. Then they would SLOWLY graduate to basic hand-held weapons. Example: Aunt May, being the strategist that she is, would pull out her fake teeth and use in a sort-of brass-knuckle type fashion, pummeling Mrs. Kent to the ground. While lying helplessly on the ground, May moves in for the kill…. the back-breaker!!!! But then quick thinking on Ma Kent’s part led her to take out her hair pin, screaming savagely, stabbing Aunt May in the neck, old-people blood just plain gushing everywhere!!!! Due to May’s poor platelet number in her blood (that stops bleeding) she knows she is done for, so she takes off her shoe and aims for Ma Kent’s hip…. a direct hit! Ma Kent screams $@#&! in agony and falls to the floor, breaking her other hip at the simultaneously, but they still go at it! Aunt May leans down with her hair pin but Ma Kent rips off her wig and gags Aunt May! Earrings get ripped off, hair in spots on Aunt May are brutally ripped out, gold teeth, fake teeth, real teeth lie strung all over the blood-stained sidewalk. Aunt May finally passes from the blood loss, and Ma Kent’s body just couldn’t keep up with they physical beating, she then expires shortly after Aunt May, sneaking in one last predatorial-victory laugh. 😈