First thing you should do is stop listening to the Pumpkins! 😂
Just Kidding, The Smashing Pumpkins are my all time favorite band - of all time.
This thread was closed because suicide threads are not allowed.
No one here is qualified to deal with this sort of thing anyhow.
You should contact a suicide prevention hotline, they can direct you to professional help.
If you dont know the number, dial your operator and they will connect you.