AUTHOR's---I really hate slow internet, but I'll make do with what I have. Finishing off the chapter. Tell me (on a scale of 1-10, 10 highest) how close my writing is to the real thing, to Rowling's work.
Hermione was chatting to Tonks about the state of Hogwarts at the moment.
"...and Snape's been foul lately, he's been docking points from me for giving help to another student. Apparently, I was "cheating". Malfoy, on the other hand, was brewing away with Goyle and Snape didn't even give a damn."
"Yeah, well," Tonks said darkly. "Even though he's on our side, he's got the stink of evil all over him. I'm forced to trust him, but I don't like it."
On Harry's other side, the twins were discussing new ideas for the joke shop.
"You know, I think we should do another trick sweet," George said, thoughtfully.
"Yeah, but what? Steamy ears? Incredibly Sweaty armpits?"
"No, no," George sniggered evilly. "Those are all fine ideas, bro'. I was thinking something along the lines of making them need to go to the bathroom every few seconds."
"Excellent," Fred said, jotting it down on a little notepad, which magically flipped to a blank page as soon as Fred finished.
Lupin had caught on. "Rushing to the toilet every few seconds or so? Don't you think that's a little cruel?" For his credit, Lupin did not reveal this nasty bit of information to Ron's other brothers and parents.
"Nothing's too evil, other than torture or death, laddie." George said, doing a fair imitation of Moody.
"Hmm.." Lupin lapsed into silence, digging in absently.
"Harry!" Mrs. Weasley called. "Your hair's getting too long, dear. I'll take you to the barbershop in Diagon Alley. The head manager there is a very kind man, don't you worry."
He said a general thanks to Mrs. Weasley, and turned to Ron. "Have you had a haircut at the barbershop's?"
"Nope," Ron said thickly, chewing on a baked potato. "Mum's never taken any of the family out there. Too expensive. She just cut our hair herself, and mind you, she's not exactly an expert."
"What is it like?" Harry asked, nervously.
"Oh, not much," replied Ron. "Mum just usually tells me to hold still, and uses a severing charm on my head. The year before we went to Hogwarts, she nearly scalped me."
"Oh, well, that's all right then." Harry said, ignoring the incredulous look on his friend's face. He sat back. "Erm...Mrs. Weasley, may I be excused? I feel rather tired."
"Oh, of course, dear." she said.
Harry lay down on his bed a minute later, not bothering to undress. So far, his first evening of the holidays at the Burrow had been thoroughly enjoyable, and without a doubt, would get better. If only Sirius had been here...
Next thing he knew, he was lying spread-eagled on his sheets and Hermione was futilely trying to move him over.
"Move over." she yawned.
"Hugh?" he grunted sleepily.
"Move over." she repeated, and this time Harry rolled over.
"Hermione, when are you going to let me sleep a full night's sleep?"
She simply grunted aknowledgingly, but didn't reply.
"Wake me up at eight." she muttered, closing her eyes.
"Eight's kind of early. I don't even think I can wake up that early...Hermione?"
But she had already fallen asleep.
"Typical women." Harry mumbled.
Two minutes later he was fast asleep too.
aww... that's sweet, I'd give it a 9/10. your writing is extremely close to hers, but i can't imagine reading Hermione say "damn" and J.K. uses more detail, but a little less detail and using those words more freely isn't bad, i think it makes the story better. it's really close tho. like i said 9/10
Originally posted by HPfanatic
but i can't imagine reading Hermione say "damn" and J.K. uses more detail, but a little less detail and using those words more freely isn't bad, i think it makes the story better. it's really close tho. like i said 9/10
YAY! excitement, i'm sure it will be great! can't wait till you get there, but take your time. some ppl don't really like dark books, but they don't ever bother me, like LOTR those are dark and depressing books according to my parents, but i love them. and i get what your sayin about Ginny, now that i think about it more there growing more comfortable around each other, so i can see Hermione saying that in front of tonks.