rewriting LOTR

So some of my friends sat down and decided to write their own version of the Lord of the Rings...cause theyre cool like that. Here are some quotes from their script.

Elrond: Destroy it, Isildur!
Isildur: …No. Bling bling baby!
Elrond: Isildur!!! Son of a….

Gandalf: VODKA! Vodkavodkavodka!

Gandalf: BILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS! I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU!...I’m trying to rape you.

Gandalf: Frodo, you must maintain homeostasis.

Gandalf: DIE B!TCH DIE!

Mr. Butterbur: Hullo there little masters! If yer seekin accomodations we’ve got some cosy hobbit sized rooms available, Mr., er, uh….
Frodo: Um…Pimpdaddy. Mr. Pimpdaddy.

Frodo: What do you want?
Aragorn: A little more caution for you. That is no trinket you carry.
Frodo: I carry yo momma, hoe!

yeah 😮‍💨

Galadriel: The world has changed, i can feel it in the water, i can smell it in the air, and it's gross! Gimli, i've told you to try and control that

Gimli: sorry

Galadriel: along long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, also known as mordor, the lord sauron decided he wanted to be a jewler. But he sucked. 9 rings of tin, he gave to the men, 3 made of stainless steel to the elves and seven of paperclips he gave to the dwarves. but for himself he made a pretty gold one, which made the others jealous(sauron: i feel pretty, oh so pretty). they all banned together (except for the dwarves, because they're weird) and marched to mordor to take that gold ring for themselves. Not to destroy the ring or sauron because he's evil, they just wanted to be the prettiest ones in middle earth. history became legend, legend became school material, and school material became forgotten, so a new quest was invented. one of valour and the 'destruction of evil' few who live now remember it as it was, a big catfight.

OH GOD NICE ONE MUSE

hysterical

Please use the fiction area in future.