JM's List

We are the knights who say Nih and we want a shurubary! 😂

Originally posted by Vampy
He's not the messiah! He's a very naughty boy!

BAAhahahahaaa!!!!

hysterical

I want a holy hand grenade.

Galahad
There it is!
Arthur
The Bridge of Death!
Robin
Oh, great.
Arthur
Look! There's the Old Man from scene twenty-four!
Bedevere
What is he doing here?
Arthur
He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions.
Galahad
Three questions.
Arthur
Three questions. He who answers the five questions.
Galahad
Three questions.
Arthur
Three questions may cross in safety.
Robin
What if you get a question wrong?
Arthur
Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
Robin
Oh, I won't go.
Galahad
Who's going to answer the questions?
Arthur
Sir Robin!
Robin
Yes?
Arthur
Brave Sir Robin, you go.
Robin
Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Launcelot go?
Launcelot
Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east that s--
Arthur
No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions--
Galahad
Three questions.
Arthur
Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray.
Launcelot
I understand, my liege.
Arthur
Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot. God be with you.
Bridge Keeper
Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Launcelot
Ask me the questions, Bridge Keeper. I am not afraid.
Bridge Keeper
What... is your name?
Launcelot
My name is 'Sir Launcelot of Camelot'.
Bridge Keeper
What... is your quest?
Launcelot
To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridge Keeper
What... is your favourite colour?
Launcelot
Blue.
Bridge Keeper
Right. Off you go.
Launcelot
Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Robin
That's easy!
Bridge Keeper
Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Robin
Ask me the questions, Bridge Keeper. I'm not afraid.
Bridge Keeper
What... is your name?
Robin
'Sir Robin of Camelot'.
Bridge Keeper
What... is your quest?
Robin
To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridge Keeper
What... is the capital of Assyria?
[pause]
Robin
I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
Bridge Keeper
Stop! What... is your name?
Galahad
'Sir Galahad of Camelot'.
Bridge Keeper
What... is your quest?
Galahad
I seek the Grail.
Bridge Keeper
What... is your favourite colour?
Galahad
Blue. No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh!
Bridge Keeper
Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name?
Arthur
It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
Bridge Keeper
What... is your quest?
Arthur
To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridge Keeper
What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Arthur
What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Bridge Keeper
Huh? I-- I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
Bedevere
How do know so much about swallows?
Arthur
Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

😆

😆

My grandmum was from England ✅

Ah Storm my favourite bit!

i really don't find that funny 😕

Originally posted by Tptmanno1
No one complains when we make fun or Tex or Yerss....

You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

😂 LOVE that one. And the Black Night is simply classic.

😆

😂

And the machine that goes 'PIIING!!'

It's only a flesh wound!

LOL, i cant believe raz made this thread! it's funny tho'

😱 are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

cry stop it.

😆

On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

...huh? dontgetit

😆

stop it.............. cry

Okay...I'm done...

Monty Python is awesome, though...😄

Sorry, Clovie, but I have to.

DAD:
There are Jews in the world,
There are Buddists,
There are Hindus and Mormons
and then,
There are those that follow
Mohammad,
but I've never been one of them...

I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before
I was born,
And the one thing they say
about Catholics,
Is they'll take you as soon as
you're warm...

You don't have to be a six footer,
You don't have to have a
great brain,
You don't have to have any
clothes on -
You're a Catholic the moment
Dad came...

Because...

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN:

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

CHILD:
Let the heathens spill theirs,
On the dusty ground,
God shall make them pay for,
each sperm that can't be found.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood.

MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

MEN NEIGHBOURS:
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,

WOMEN NEIGHBOURS:
If a sperm is wasted,

CHILDREN:
God gets quite irate.

PRIEST:
Every sperm is wanted,

BRIDE AND GROOM:
Every sperm is good,

NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed,

CARDINALS:
In your neighbourhood.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful,
Every sperm is fine.

FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's!

FIRST MOURNER:
Mine!

LADY MOURNER:
And mine!

CORPSE:
And mine!

NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs,
O'er mountain, hill and plain.

STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

EVERYBODY:
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is wanted,
Every sperm is good,
Every sperm is needed,
In your neighbourhood.