Jingle Hells
From childhood we learn that Christmas is a time to cheer and goodwill to all. During the festive season we are expected to be thankful for all we have, to count our blessings and to show our gratitude by putting on a happy face and by giving generously to worthy causes. But while most people are able to either raise their spirits or at least to hide any negative feelings for the holidays, there remain a large number of men and women for whom the festive season also brings emotional pain.
The reasons can be varied:
[list]People who have pre-existing emotional difficulties, family and social stresses, financial problems, and mental disorders
Men and women who already suffer from cycles of clinical depression
People whose families are going through a rough patch, newly separated people, widows
Bereavement
People with hectic schedules (Christmas disrupts routine and time management easily becomes a problem)
People with financial constraints
Those who suffer from alcoholic addiction [/list]
PRESENT TENSE
Is it always obvious to recognise people who are struggling during the holidays? In a word no. The way people show their distress depends on the size of their problems and on their normal way of behaving. The better we know someone, the more likely we are to notice when they are not doing well. Now most of us would recognise that our sister was in trouble, if she were avoiding her friends, locking herself up in her room, ignoring her appearance, crying most of the day and missing work. But there are many other signs that are less obvious.
Some people become more irritable, that is they become increasingly touchy and start having several arguments. They often express their anger mostly within the home, even while they continue to appear their normal self outside the house. Others neglect their hobbies but do not appear to be using their energy in any other way. Still others begin behaving increasingly dangerously, in an I-don’t-care fashion, such as by driving recklessly, drinking excessively, or by having multiple partners without caring for their own safety. Sleep is often interrupted, and food often loses its appeal. Almost always, there is an inability to fully enjoy oneself or to feel fulfilled or satisfied.
Anyone familiar with the excesses common during the Christmas season will recognise at least one of these behaviours in himself or herself; in fact one needs to be careful not to jump to conclusions on the basis of only one behavioural change, or of one single unusual occurrence.
A HELPING HAND
If you know that your relative is under stress before the holidays and is now starting to appear strained, a simple statement to that effect, would be enough to indicate that you are both aware and available for him or her should he or she want to talk. It will not help anyone if you try to force your friend to speak about any problems you feel they might have; It often backfires. Instead, the important people in your friends life can let him or her know that they can approach you when they are ready or comfortable to do so. Due to the stresses that are associated to the Christmas lifestyle, you can let your friend or family member have a big say in where you go out: they may choose a less boisterous party, a more intimate restaurant or to miss an event where it would be very hard to avoid becoming drunk.
When possible, try to avoid the common social habit of pushing people to drink more if they indicate they have had enough.
If financial concerns are the main problem then the expenses of the entire group, be it family or friends, could be limited to help the individual without singling him or her out.
And while a broken family cannot be made whole for Christmas, it can be helpful to encourage all willing family members to spend as much time together as possible, not only for official meetings such as meals.