hey.... Spider I think that your writing is pretty good. I just found this page today.... I think that it's pretty cool that you're writing your own version of HP. I do think though that you should cut the love drama out for a little bit..... it's good but you should get some other things in there that don't have so much to do with this whole love thing. Don't get me wrong your story really caught my attention but just make something happen that's not so predictable. Don't be mad I just feel like it could get more interesting... like add a new character or something.
Originally posted by hawhee07
hey.... Spider I think that your writing is pretty good. I just found this page today.... I think that it's pretty cool that you're writing your own version of HP. I do think though that you should cut the love drama out for a little bit..... it's good but you should get some other things in there that don't have so much to do with this whole love thing. Don't get me wrong your story really caught my attention but just make something happen that's not so predictable. Don't be mad I just feel like it could get more interesting... like add a new character or something.
Thanks for your suggestions, yea I know what you mean!! There is going to be lease of that and more of other stuff when they get to Hogarts...
Originally posted by dark1365
Spider, try not to add too much alternating third-person views. It's usually all Harry, except for this one part in the first book(first Quidditch match). Other than that, it's all Harry.
But Im not following you!! Huh??
The next bit of the chapter:.......
For the rest of their trip to Hogwarts, talk and jokes were made about who their teacher was going to be and who the worse teacher could ever be. Harry was thinking about this alot; as everyone said that the possition was jinx and they hadn't had many good teachers. At his first year of Hogwarts he had the stumbling Proffesor Quirrell who happened to have Lord Voldermort plasted on the back of his head. Next year they had Proddesor Lockhart who happened to be a complete nut case and knowing nothing at all. Third year came around and they had the best DADA teacher ever; in Harry's Opninion, Proffesor Lupin. He tought Harry most of what he knows today but had to leave as he was a warewolf when the moon came out. Forth year came along and they were stuck with mad eye moddy who seemed really good. Untill he took Harry and tried to kill him and then they relised that he was an imposster and the real mad eye moddy was locked in a trunk all year. When last year came they had the worst teacher ever; Harry was pretty sure that everyone would agree, except for Draco of course. She worked for the Ministary when they thought that Dumbledor and Harry were lying; she made is her job to torture Harry.
But thats all over with, he thought. Everyone knows the truth now, so who is going to be our new teacher??
"Maybe they'll get back Lupin" Ron said, with hopes up. "He was the bestest teacher ever.
"Yes Ron, he was, except the fact still remains that he's a warewolf." Hermionie said, which made Ron's hopes disappear in the flash of a light.
As the sun went behind some hills, they knew that they would soon be at Hogwarts. They went and got into their robes, and this made a grin appear on Harry's face. He sat back down while everyone was still getting changed and looked out the dusty window. Even though that sun had gone down, he could still make out the tips of the hills. As they went around a few bends, which sent his trunk across the other side of the room, he suddenly saw lights. The Castle was now in full view now, and there were lights from the inside windows flooding out and rebounding off the lake, which Harry remembered breathing under 2 years ago. For some reason, he thought that this trip to Howarts was the bestest ever. He had never looked forward to it this much and as soon as he saw Howarts around the bend his heart missed a beat.
The train steamed on and on, and soon Ron, Hermionie, Luna, Ginny and Neville came back and as Harry did, they peared out the window; gazing at the now fully lit beautiful castle. Harry could think of no place he would rather be, and nobody he would rather be with. It took only a couple more mintues till he felt the train slowing down, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He was here! A sad thought came over Harry, he would only have one year after this. One more year to play quiddich for the school, one more year to hang with his friends, and one more year at the place where counted down for all summer holidays!
Soon enough the train came to a complete stop and everyone started pilling out in a hurry. Harry followed Ron through the pushing crowds and out into the open air, where he breathed it in and looked around, waiting for something firmilar. From not that far away a deep but friendly voice broke through the cold night air.
"First years, over here! Make way, make way! I want frist years over here, quickly now." Hagrid said, Harry could see him easily over the small first years. His scrathes and bruises had started to heal, and soon there would be no marks left. Hagrid was a full sized half giant, but was a friendly as a cat. He normally wore a huge drench coat which Harry was sure it would be able to spread out and cover the Dursleys whole back yard. Hagrid had let his hair grow longer then it had been, it made him alot more dark and scarier. But he was the same friendly man that Harry grew to like.
( please tell me your thoughts and suggestions.... )
And alittle bit more.....
Hagrid spotted Harry and they stared at each other. Harry didn't know weather he should go up and say hi, but soon was un-able to as he pulled in the opposite direction.
It was a clear night, and there was hardly no clouds in the skies, and the full moon shinned down on the lake. It looked more beautiful then ever, he thought. He followed the rest of the the crowd who somehow knew where they were going. As Harry worked, he passed many first years who looked like they were going to die of fright. They were smaller then ever, and Harry couldn't imagine himself being that small. He walked by a small kid who reminded him of himself a bit, Except for the falming orange hair; which would be Ron. He was small and skinny, he wore glass's that seemed a bit to big for his head ( they kept slipping off his nose ) his hair, although orange, was long and messy. Many other students walked past him stairing and he couldn't help but remember when that happened to him.
He soon bumped into the person infront of him, as he wasn't looking where he was going and was to busy looking at the first year kid. He turned and saw that they were right at the edge of the lake. Are we going to go across in boats, hw wondered. There was a large box infront which was looked, and it seemed huge enough which made him wonder what was inside it and how they were going to get to the other side of the lake. Suddenly out of nowhere Madam Hootch appeared and looked quite happy. Harry was thinking exactly what Ron was thinking, were they going to ........!
"Right, if everone could please step forward and take a broom each. You have already taken flying lessons and should know at least how to fly straight and over the lake without drowning." Everyone moved forward towards the box, and excited murmours begun. "Ohh Potter, please come here frist." She said, and he made his way over.
She handed him a broom and he straight away noticed that it was his Fire Bolt in his hand. He walked over to Ron and Hermionie, who had managed to grab some clean sweeps which weren't that exciting. Ron's eyes open as he relised that Harry had his broom. All three mounted them and kicked off, and soon the freezing cold air was rushing onto Harry's fast. As he speed off infront and circle back around, he remember the joy of flying, and soon enough he would be back on the Gryffindor team. He could think of nothing he would rather do, he could fly again!
As the lake glissend below them as they flew over, the weeds floating on the cerface, and the lights making the lake look magical. They soon flew over the edge of the bank and Harry landed with out even a thud. They were made to put their brooms back into the box, which was now on the other side and Harry gave his to Madam Hootch. All three of them made their way up to stone steps and in through the huge front gate. Harry was just about to open the door to enter the Great Hall, when Proffesor McGonagal appear to the side of him. Harry couldn't help but jump back a little and stear at her with un-be knowings of why she sneaked up on him.