HELL YEAH!!! IRELAND RULES!!!
i luv this joke sooo much!
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still.
He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm
worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey.
Just to calm my nerves."
So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before the
mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a
storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note
on his door:
1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Senior, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say
"He was stoned off his ass."
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this
and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks
for the grub, yea God"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick's,
not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
LOL!!! and if you cant tell by my sig, i absolutely luv ireland!!!!
After a heavy night's drinking, two Irishmen stagger home from their country pub, intending to take a short cut through the graveyard. Being much the worse for wear, they decide to
take a rest against a stone, where Paddy reads the inscription. "Do y'know, Michael, this fella here lived till he was 103!!" "And did he come from hereabouts then?" asks Michael. "No,"
says Paddy, reading the stone, "he was Miles, from Dublin"