Originally posted by Tired Hiker
Anyone have any new jokes?
I have one...
This guy was walking out of a bar and he was very obviously stumbling and tripping over himself, he pulls out his keys and tries them in 5 different cars before he finds the right one. He gets in the car and is fumbling about trying to get the car started. At about the same time the entire bar cleared out and all the patrons get in their respective vehicles and leave. A cop was watching the man ever since he first stepped out of the pub. The man gets the car started and drives two feet before the policeman has on the red's and blue's. He pulls the man out and gives him a breathilizer, the meter reads his blood-alcohol level is 0.0...the cop looks dumbfounded and says, "This must be wrong, you must be drunk, what's going on?" The man then looks completely sober and looks the cop in the eye and says "I know for a fact that it is correct, I am not drunk, I was the designated decoy." The cop then looks around and notices all the patrons are long gone.
ok, i'll give it a go...
A man got home from work and heard strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushed upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed sweating and panting. ''Whats up'' he asked her, and the woman said ''Im having a heart attack'' He rushed downstairs to the phone but just as he picked u the reciver his four year old sn came up and said: ''Daddy Daddy, uncle Ted is hiding in your wardrobe and hes got no clothes on!''
The man slamed the the phone down, stormed upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and ripped open the wardrobe door. Surely enough there was his brother totally naked cowering on the floor
and the man said : ''You rotten bastard, my wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!''
😮 yah i know, im really sorry..