Smallville:the Dark Knight

THE RAIN WAS POURING DOWN THROUGH THE CRACKS OF THE OLD ROOF ECHOING LIKE BOMBS THROUGH THE EMPTY BUILDING AND WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY FOOTSTEPS OF A MAN RUNNING AND LOOKING ALL AROUND LIKE SOMETHING WAS AFTER HIM. HE ROUNDED A CORNER AND CAME TO A WINDOW,HE WAS THREE STORIES UP SO HE COULD NOT JUMP SO HE DECIEDED TO LOOK FOR ANOTHER WAY BUT WHEN HE TURNED AROUND A MAN IN HIS EARLY TWENTIES LANDED IN FRONT OF HIM. THIS MAN WAS KIND OF TALL WITH DARK HAIR NEATLTY CUT AND HE WAS WEARING WHAT LOOKED LIKE SOME FORM OF SPANDEX WHICH REVEALED HIS TONED PHYSIQUE,"HEY DONT HURT ME MAN"THE GUY SAID LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW BEHIND HIM,"YOU KILLED A HOMELESS MAN FOR THE COUPLE OF DOLLARS HE HAD IN HIS POCKET"THE MAN REPLIED HITTING WITH ENOUGH FORCE TO KNOCK HIM TO THE GROUND."I DID THAT PIECE OF TRASH A FAVOR,I PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY"THE GUY SAID PICKING HIMSELF BACK UP AND WIPING THE BLOOD FROM HIS MOUTH, "YOU DID NOT KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT HIM,TO YOU HE WAS JUST AN EASY TARGET"THE MAN SAID AS HE NAILED A QUICK SPIN KICK WHICH KNOCKED OUT A FEW TEETH. THIS TIME THE GUY DID NOT GET BACK UP SO HE LIFTED HIM UP,"PEOPLE LIKE YOU MADE ME THIS WAY"HE TOLD HIM AS WITH EASE HE THROUGH HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW.

CLARK YAWNED AS HE MADE HIS WAY TO THE BATHROOM DRESSED ONLY IN HIS BOXERS,"SORRY SMALLVILLE,NOT THIS EARLY"LOIS SAID AS SHE DARTED PAST HIM AND INTO THE BATHROOM. IT TOOK A MOMENT FOR CLARK TO REALIZE WHAT JUST HAPPENED AND HE WALKED INTO THA BATHROOM,"I ACTUALLY LIVE HERE AND YOUR THE GUEST"CLARK TOLD HER MOTIONG TOWARDS THE DOOR,"YEP,THATS GOING TO DO THE TRICK"SHE REPLIED LAUGHING,"FINE"HE SAID GRABBING HER SHOULDERS AND CARRYING HER OUT OF THE BATHROOM."YA KNOW SMALLVILLE,I COULD GET USED TO LIVING WITH YOU"SHE SAID SMILING AT HIM,"THE DAY WE LIVE TOGETHER IS THE DAY HELL FREZZES OVER"HE TOLD HER LAUGHING AS HE SHUT THE DOOR.

LIONEL AND LEX SAT TALKING IN THE OFFICE ON THE TOP FLOOR OF LUTHORCORP,"WELL SON I AM FINALLY GLAD TO SEE YOU TRUSTING ME AGAIN"LIONEL SAID AS HE TOOK A SEAT,"DONT HUMOR YOURSELF FATHER,SEVERAL ATTEMPTS ON MY LIFE MEANS I WILL NEVER TRUST YOU"LEX REPLIED SITTING DOWN AND POURING HIMSELF A GLASS OF BRANDY AND SLOWLY SIPPING IT."I ASSUME YOU CALLED ME HERE FOR SOMETHING MORE THAN A CHAT"LIONEL SAID AS HE POURED HIMSELF A GLASS OF BRANDY AS WELL,LEX FLASHED HIS COCKY SMILE AND SAT HIS GLASS DOWN,"I WANT TO OFFER YOU A JOB WORKING WITH ME AND JASON BECAUSE YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT THESE CRYSTALS THAN BOTH OF US"LEX SAID HANDING HIM A FILE AND WHEN LIONEL OPENED IT HE JUST SMILED.

CLARK WALKED INTO THE OFFICE OF THE TORCH AND SAW CHLOE WORKING AWAY ON THE COMPUTER,"THAT MUST BE A BIG STORY"HE SAID AS HE PEEKED OVER HER SHOULDER AND READ THE SCREEN,"IT IS CLARK,IT SEEMS A CORPORATION WITH ENOUGH POWER TO COMPETE WITH THE LUTHORS ARE COMING TO METROPLIS"SHE SAID MOVING AWAY SO HE COULD READ THE ARTICLE.

JASON SAT ON THE EDGE OF THE BED WATCHING LANA SLEEP,HE STILL FOUND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT DEEP WITHIN HER WAS THE SPIRIT OF A WITCH BURNED AT THE STAKE GENERATIONS AGO AND COULD ALSO BE THE ONE TO KILL HIS ENTIRE FAMILY,HE SHOOK THE THOUGH OFF AND WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN."WHERE DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING?"LANA ASKED SITTING UP SMILING,"I WAS GOING TO COOK YOU BREAKFAST"HE SAID SMILING AS HE WALKED BACK TO THE BED AND KISSED HER,"EGGS AND BACON"SHE SAID TO HIM AS HE WALKED BACK TO THE KITCHEN,"THE ONLY CHOICE IS APPLEJACKS AND MILK"HE SAID AS HE GRABBED TWO BOWLS AND SET THEM ON THE COUNTER AND SHE JUST LAUGHED.

LEX WALKED BRISKLY ACROSS THE STREET TO THE BUILDING THAT HAD SAT EMPTY FOR AS LONG AS HE COULD REMEMBER BUT THE NEW OWNER COULD BRING COMPETITON TO HIS COMPANY SO HE WANTED TO MEET THIS GUY FACE TO FACE. HE WALKED INTO THE BUILDING ONLY TO FIND IT DARK AND EMPTY BUT HE HAS SEEN THE LIMO OUTSIDE,"TO WHAT DO I OWE THE PLEASURE OF THE INFAMOUS LEX LUTHOR PAYING ME A VISIT"SAID A VOICE BEHIND HIM AND HE TURNED AROUND AND TO HIS SURPRISE THE MAN LOOKED NO OLDER THAN HIM."I LIKE TO MEET MY COMPETITION"LEX ANWSERED SMILING AS HE EXTENDED HIS HAND,"NICE TO MEET YOU LEX,I AM BRUCE WAYNE"HE SAID SHAKING HIS HAND.

"HEY COUSIN"LOIS SAID AS SHE WALKED INTO THE TORCH,"HOW YOU DOING LOIS?"CHLOE ASKED NOT LOOKING AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER SO LOIS SMILED AND SAT NEXT TO HER,"WAYNE ENTERPRISES,ARENT THEY FROM GOTHAM CITY"LOIS ASKED READING THE ARTICLE."YEAH,BUT THEY ARE OPENING A BRANCH IN METROPLIS AND THEY ARE BIG ENOUGH TO COMPETE WITH THE LUTHORS"CHLOE SAID AS SHE SHUT OFF THE COMPUTER."HES PRETTY HOTT"LOIS SAID LOOKING AT A PHOTO OF A YOUNG MAN ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE DAILY PLANET,"THAT IS BRUCE WAYNE"CHLOE TOLD HER SMILING AND LOIS SCROLLED DOWN TO THE BOTTOM,"STORY BY JIMMY OLSON"LOIS SAID LAUGHING,"SHUT UP,IT WAS ONLY ONCE"CHLOE SAID SNATCHING THE PAPER AWAY."SO HOW IS LIVING WITH CLARK GOING?"CHLOE ASKED HER,"WHEN WE ARE NOT EACH OTHERS THROATS ITS PRETTY NICE"SHE SAID SMILING,"SO WHY DIDNT YOU TWO EVER GET TOGETHER?"LOIS ASKED HER,"HE HAS A LOT OF SECRETS THAT MAKE HIM SO I UNDERSTAND NOW WHY HE TURNED ME DOWN"SHE ANWSERED SMILING,"ITS OK COUSIN,GIVE ME A HUG" LOIS SAID AS SHE HUGGED HER AND CHLOE STARTED CRYING.

LEX DIDNT QUITE KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF BRUCE WAYNE,"YOU LOOK A LITTLE SHOCKED MR.LUTHOR"BRUCE SAID SMILING,"I ACTUALLY EXPECTED YOU TOO BE OLDER"LEX REPLIED LAUGHING A LITTLE BIT. BRUCE WALKED AROUND FOR A FEW MINUTES,"I HOPE YOU ARE A BETTER MAN THAN YOUR FATHER"HE SAID OUT OF THE BLUE WITH A FAR AWAY LOOK IN HIS EYES,"I AM NOTHING LIKE MY FATHER"LEX SNAPPED BACK VERY QUICKLY,"YOUR FATHER IS QUITE THE CRIMINAL MASTERMIND,LIKE FATHER,LIKE SON"BRUCE TOLD HIM WITH A LITTLE SMIRK."WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?"LEX SAID TO HIM,"YOUR FATHER HAS SEEMED TO REFORM THOUGH BUT YOU DONT BELIEVE IT DO YOU LEX?"BRUCE ASKED,"MY FATHER IS DIFFERENT,I DONT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE,WHAT ABOUT YOU?"LEX REPLIED STARING HIM DOWN."I HAD TO WITNESS MY PARENTS GET MURDERED IN FRONT OF ME WHEN I WAS A BOY"BRUCE SAID AS HE LED LEX BACK OUT OF THE BUILDING AND WHEN THEY REACHED THE FRONT DOOR,"I HAVE NO DESIRE TO TAKE DOWN LUTHORCORP,I HAVE MY OWN AGENDA IN THIS TOWN"BRUCE TOLD HIM AS LEX WALKED BACK ACROSS THE STREET AND BRUCE TURNED BACK AROUND.

"MR.WAYNE,DO YOU TAKE HIM AS A THREAT?"ALFRED ASKED STEPPING OUT OF THE DARKNESS,"I TAKE HIS FATHER AS A THREAT AND IN MY HEART I BELIEVE HE IS WORSE"BRUCE SAID PULLING OPEN A DOOR TO REVEAL ALL KINDS OF ELECTRONICS AND A SLICK BLACK CAR THAT LOOKS LIKE ITS FROM THE FUTURE."MAYBE YOUR WRONG SIR,HE IS YOUNG,MAYBE HE WILL CHANGE"ALFRED SAID AS HE REMOVED BRUCES COAT,"I THOUGHT DR.CRANE WAS ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS TOO,I MADE A BIG MISTAKE THERE"BRUCE SAID AS HE SAT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER AND BROUGHT UP THE FILES ON LIONEL LUTHOR.

CLARK STOOD OUTSIDE IN THE RAIN STARING AT ALICIAS GRAVE,HE HAD BEEN UNABLE TO SAVE HER,HE KNEW THEY HAD BEEN MET FOR EACH OTHER BUT SHE WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM AND IT FILLED HIM WITH SUCH RAGE THAT HE NEARLY KILLED THE PERSON THAT DID IT BUT LOIS HAD STOPPED HIM SO NOW HE JUST SITS IN BELLE REEVES INSTITUTE. HE HEARD FOOTSTEPS BEHIND HIM AND QUICKLY WIPED HIS EYES AND TURNED AROUND AND TO HIS SURPRISE SAW LOIS,"I AM NOT INTERUPTING AM I?"SHE ASKED STOPPING IN HER TRACKS, "NO,WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"HE ASKED MOVING QUICKLY AWAY FROM THE GRAVE,"I WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE ALL RIGHT,YOUR HERE A LOT ANYMORE"SHE SAID NOTICING THAT HIS EYES WERE RED,"I KNOW I CAN NEVER KNOW WHAT YOUR FEELING WHEN YOU VISIT HERE"SHE SAID AS SHE WALKED TO THE GRAVE.

do yourself a favor. do not write your story in all caps.

sorry man its a habit,i write all my storys in capital

dude don't stop keep going I want to know what happens next!

"ITS NOT FAIR SHE HAD TO DIE"HE SAID HOLDING BACK TEARS,LOIS PUT HER ARM AROUND HIM,"I WAS WITH YOU WHEN YOU FOUND HER I SAW HOW HARD YOU TOOK IT,IT WASNT RIGHT"SHE TOLD HIM AS HE KNEELED DOWN AND LAYED A RED ROSE ON THE GRAVE AND THEY WALKED AWAY.

LIONEL WAS SITTING BEHIND LEXS DESK WHEN HE GOT HOME,"ITS NICE TO SEE YOU MAKING YOURSELF AT HOME FATHER"LEX SAID AS HE WALKED INTO THE OFFICE,"I KNOW YOU HAVE ONE OF THE STONES BUT I AM CURIOUS TO HOW YOU CAME TO HAVE IT IN YOUR POSSESSION?"LIONEL ASKED HIM GETTING TO HIS FEET AND POURING A DRINK."I THOUGHT YOU WERE REFORMED DAD?,WHATS YOUR SUDDEN INTREST IN THESE CRYSTALS?"LEX ASKED HIM,"I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU THINK YOU WILL FIND?"HE SAID WALKING UP TO HIM,LEX DIDNT ANWSER THOUGH,"BEST BELIEVE SON I WILL KNOW ONE WAY OR ANOTHER"LIONEL SAID AS HE WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM AND LEX THROUGH A GLASS AGAINST THE WALL SHATTERING IT.

LANA SAT AT THE TABLE LOOKING AT THE CRYSTAL WONDERING WHY THE COUNTESS INSIDE HER WANTED THEM SO BAD THEN SHE HEARD JASON COME IN AND QUICKLY HID IT,"HOW ARE YOU SWEETHEART?" HE SAID KISSING HER."I STILL CANT BELIEVE SOMEONE BROKE IN HERE FOR THAT CRYSTAL?"SHE TOLD HIM,"I THINK ITS BETTER YOU DONT HAVE IT AFTER WHAT LEX DID FOR ANOTHER ONE"HE SAID SITTING ACROSS FROM HER."WHAT DID HE DO?"SHE ASKED SOUNDING WORRIED BUT JASON JUST SHOOK HIS HEAD AND WALKED INTO THE OTHER ROOM.

"LIONEL IS GOING TO BE HARD TO GET TOO"BRUCE SAID AS HE PUT ON A BLACK OUTFIT,"YOU HAVE DEAL WITH SOME BAD ONES"ALFRED SAID AS HE ATTACHED A CAPE TO THE NECK OF THE SUIT."HE IS AT THE MANSION IN SMALLVILLE"BRUCE SAID AS HE SLID ON GLOVES AND ALFRED WALKED TO A DRAWER AND OPENED IT,"YOU WILL GET HIM"HE SAID AS HE HANDED HIM A MASK.

I can almost see this episode in my head..its freakin aswome...but keep going this is good...the people in WB..if they read this...would get like aswome standings if they do this episode

wow taking over for edf finally...................

"SO DAD WHY ARE YOU STILL IN SMALLVILLE?"LEX ASKED WALKING INTO ONE OF THE MANY ROOMS OF THE MANSION,"I HAVE MY REASONS SON AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD TELL YOU?" HE ASKED WITH A SLIGHT SMILE. LEX POURED HMSELF A DRINK,"NOW FATHER,YOUR OUT OF PRISON AND REFORMED WHAT DOES SMALLVILLE HAVE TO OFFER YOU NOW?"LEX ASKED HIM,"WHY DO YOU ASK ME A QUESTION TO WHICH YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANWSER" HE ANWSERED WITH A SLIGHT LAUGH,"YOUR AFTER THE CRYSTALS TOO ARENT YOU"LEX SAID PUTTING DOWN HIS GLASS AND GRABBING A GUN FROM HIS DRAWER AND POINTING IT AT HIS FATHER. LIONEL STOOD UP LAUGHING,"COME ON SON,DID YOU REALLY BELIEVE I REFORMED"HE SAID KNOCKING THE GLASS OFF OF THE DESK,"I WILL KILL YOU"LEX SAID BUT LIONEL HIT HIM FIRST AND GRABBED THE GUN.

If your story didn't make my eyes bleed, I'd say, "You need to work on your punctuation and the way you space your dialogue. Also, you change tenses at parts of the story. Finally, your dialogue has this pattern: '[Talking],' said [character], [action]."

Just so you know, I'm not bashing your story (I can see how someone might mistake the intent of my post).

"WHAT GAME ARE YOU REALLY PLAYING DAD?"LEX ASKED GETTING TO HIS FEET,"I WILL MAKE THE WORLD BOW BEFORE MY FEET AND KILL EVERY ONE WHO DARES STAND IN MY WAY"LIONEL SAID AS HE UNLOADED THE GUN AND THREW IT AT HIS FEET."FATHER,I WILL FIND THE CRYSTALS"LEX SAID THROUGH GRITTED TEETH BUT HIS DAD WALKED RIGHT OUT OF THE ROOM.

Originally posted by FeceMan
If your story didn't make my eyes bleed, I'd say, "You need to work on your punctuation and the way you space your dialogue. Also, you change tenses at parts of the story. Finally, your dialogue has this pattern: '[Talking],' said [character], [action]."