Fill in the <Blank> game

Basicly fill in the blanks and put your own sentence with blanks in

I went to the <Blank> and <Blanked> all over the <Blank>

I went to the store and jizzed all over the produce.

When I think about <blank> I can't help but <blank> myself and think god I'm glad I'm not <blank>.

When I think about crap I can't help but crap myself and think god I'm glad I'm not crap.

Whenever I <blank> someone, I get all <blank> and start <blank> all over myself and nearby bystanders.

Whenever I hit someone, I get all beaten up and start crying all over myself and nearby bystanders.

i'm such a <blank>

Closed on request of Spooony.