"Nnooooooo, no…" I denied, embarrassed over her recollection of my phone-call phraseology. With a laugh, I returned her embrace with my good right arm, pointing out, "I’ve got YOU!" I squeezed her gently, and she squirmed, shivering.
"Ow! My ribs!" I had almost forgotten about our injuries in that moment of tenderness. She had a bandaged bruise where her forehead had met the cold concrete in the loading bay armory when she was dumped by the dastardly duo, and her right side--- her arm, ribs, hip and thigh--- had been first to strike the ground when we were thrown from our feet as the armory exploded and the deuce blasted by us.
"Oh!" I consoled, stammering in stupidity, "I…I…"
"Gotchya again!" Katy’s laughter would have really started to irk me, if I hadn’t been so enraptured by her mirth; like the first rains of Spring after a cold, cruel winter, I was invigorated, refreshed and revitalized in the gentle warmth of her beauty and grace.
"So…" I reopened our earlier conversation, never content to just settle for what all I had been given. "Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Hey! I’ll ask the questions around here, pal!" Katy’s voice sounded more gruff than her giggling expression indicated, and she continued. "Now, why is the sky blue?" Oh yeah! It was Tuesday! I was supposed to answer my riddle that night! Only I never did come up with a decent punch-line for my English Final… fortunately, I had been let off the hook from Finals; but, I didn’t think I’d get so lucky with Katy…
"I…. Good question…" I repeated my Final Answer, frowning and pouting, trying to think quickly. "I really don’t know!" I finally shrugged.
"Because!" Katy completed my joke without missing a beat. "If it was green, we wouldn’t know where to stop mowing!" Once more, I was speechless… that had to be the dumbest, sweetest, most wonderfully stupid joke I had ever heard! In less than 3.54 seconds, Katy had given me the perfect answer to my B- paper, an answer I could not come up with in nearly 90 minutes during the English exam…
"You are incredible…" I found my voice.
"Yes, I know…" she agreed.
"And modest, too!" I continued.
"Yes!"
"My kind of girl!" I reached the limits, and pushed on, leaping headlong into impending heartbreak once more…
"Yes…" Katy’s response was somewhat subdued, hushed, as if she was almost afraid to admit it; almost as if she didn’t mean it… or, as if she was being watched!
"What the **** are you 2 whispering about, huh?" Malcolm chuckled. "Get in the car!" My big brother!
"Home James!" Katy chirped quickly slipping into the back seat while I crossed over to the opposite side of the car.
"Whoa!" I cut in, slamming my door and sliding close to Katy. "Who IS this James guy?"
"Huh?" Katy crumbled. "Well, I…"
"GOTCHYA!" I cracked. HA! Then we were off, heading back to campus one last time that night. We were going to Independence Hall, so Katy could pack an over-night bag and return with us to my house.
"Wait here…" I requested to my big brother and Beth up front, as we stopped in the lot at Indy Hall. "Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!" Katy and I left quickly and quietly, not needing or wanting to see any more as Malcolm and Beth shared a tender kiss.
"You know…" I offered, once more stepping to the brink of sane security.
"You might want to pack more than just an over-night bag, maybe---"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" the roar from the bushes stopped my heart for an instant. It was a hideous, deeply demonic, gurgling growl, indicative of some grotesque creature that I could only imagine in my worst nightmares! There rose the Beast from the bushes, a grossly gushing giant, its chest awash in filthy slime, its face strikingly human in its features… it reminded me of some kind of half-man, half-monkey, and ape-man, like…
"Jesse?!" I gasped, and the creature sprung, thrusting forth from the brush, elbowing me forcefully to the sidewalk, and clutching Katy in his claws. Somehow, Jesse Graham had survived the cross-fire in the Computer Center at Behmler Hall. Somehow, he thrived, lurking in the shadows no doubt, biding his time throughout the long day we heroes had endured, of interrogation and accusation, and intimidation; through it all, Jesse waited and watched, wanting only revenge. Revenge upon me for trying to steal his fat hairy woman, and for nearly clobbering him that day on the softball field, not to mention my part in his apparent assassination, and he probably hadn’t yet heard about—
"I didn’t mean to kill Angela! It wasn’t my fault! Honest Injun!" my babbling only served to enraged the bullet-pierced bully further. But, he did not step toward me, as I expected. Worse, he gripped Katy in his gams, twisting her head sharply to one side, twisting, turning…
"Say goodbye, sweetie-pie!" Even in undeath, Jesse’s moronic poetry continued.
"NO!" I defied, leaping up and charging toward Jesse. At the last moment, I shifted my focus, grabbing Katy, and trying to free her from his hold…
"AUGH!" the cry came from Jesse, not Katy, as I first feared, and Katy fell away, spitting a chunk of Jesse’s flesh from her lips. Jesse stumbled back a step, clutching his bleeding hand. I pulled Katy to my side, and we faced Jesse together. But, what could we do against this undead, ugly oaf?! He was unstoppable! It would take a miracle to remove him from our path; a Mack truck, a deuce-and-a-half, or…
A white Mercury Capri, driven at full-ramming speed from the parking lot, over the curb and -CRUNCH!-
My new car slammed into the gargantuan goon, driving him further back, into the wall of Independence Hall.
"Oh well…" I sighed. "I never did like Indy Hall too much…"
Malcolm moaned from the driver’s seat, slumping against the door and stumbling onto the sidewalk, as Beth jogged up from the parking lot.
"Malcolm are you all right?" Beth vocalized all of our concerns. And, what about…
"My car!! You destroyed my---" Aha! Of course!
"Slick…" Malcolm smiled slyly, "NOW, we’re even!" I stepped from Katy and took Malcolm’s hand, shaking it confidently, then slapping him harshly on the wrist! Bad brother!
"Now then, you bastage…" Malcolm laughed, wrapping his whacked wrist around my waist, then scooping Beth into his other arm. "The question is: How the Hell are we going to get home?"
"Hey!" I slipped from Malcolm’s grasp, and returned to Katy’s side. "It’s a beautiful night, not a cloud in the sky… perfect for a moonlit, romantic walk…" The sky WAS perfectly clear, the stars sparkling, twinkling like jewels, like Katy’s eyes, and I—
"Walk?!" Malcolm gasped, interrupting my interlude, "Its gotta be 2 blocks to the house, and you want me to walk?!"
"Do it for me, my husband??" Beth moaned seductively, purring against her man lustfully.
"It’s only 2 blocks, my wife…" Malcolm’s tune and tone suddenly changed. "what I meant to say was: why walk when we can RUN!" He took off, Beth’s hand in his, in a rush of hormones, into the night.
"Shall we catch them?" Katy queried quietly.
"No…" I decided, " Let’s take it nice and slow…" Katy smiled at my gracious understanding, kissing my cheek softly, and we walked into the cool night, kept warm by our close embrace. If I had my way, I would never be lost or confused, cold or alone ever again. I was in no hurry this night; there was no way I was going to get tripped up and lose this incredible trophy. Ahhh, love is a many splendored thing…
"Omnia vincit Amor; et nos cedamus Amori…" I warbled in my best French accent—a pretty foolish thing to do when you consider I as speaking Latin!
"That’s beautiful…" Katy cooed warmly. "What does it mean?"
"It comes from Virgil’s Ecologues, and is translated as ‘Love conquers all; let us too yield to Love’ "
"That’s beautiful…" she sighed dipping toward me with longing.
"You’re beautiful…" I yielded, returning her gentle kiss.
"I know…" she giggled, adding, "…and modest, and kind, and considerate, and brilliantly intelligent, and funny, and bright…" Oh brother! I felt the beginnings of another long night ahead… but, at least this one would be fun!
I had learned a lot in my year away from home: about love and lust, life and death, friendship and family. I learned that Life was not what happens while you are making no other plans; life can be as exciting and fulfilling and full of adventure as you want it, but you have to want it! Boredom is strictly subjective; one man’s lazy, hazy afternoon of Nothingness is another man’s calm before the storm, a last-chance respite from whatever exciting adventure he would opt for next. After that first year, I could hardly wait to see what riveting escapades would greet me in the years to come. Whatever happened, I was certain my life wouldn’t be quite so boring and plain ever again. Through it all, I realized, I was never really alone, never really outside all the action as it swirled around me. I had finally come to reach out for all that Life had to offer, from the simple comfort of family and friends to something more special and complete, if uncertain and unfamiliar. Higher education has a way of changing a person forever, and I couldn’t help but ache to embrace the changes as they came… and that’s The Trouble With Being Me!
THE END