Army Recruitment Horror Story

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/4/11/125717/705

My Army Recruitment Horror Story
by Amazing Rando
Mon Apr 11th, 2005 at 09:57:17 PDT

Ok, I'm a teenager, and I do all of that crazy teenager stuff in my spare time. Going to malls (but only with friends, as those places drive me insane), check out the latest action flick at the cinema (on an unrelated note, Sin City equals great neo film noir!), engage in various activities that I likely won't be proud of in ten years, that kind of stuff. All things considered, I live a fairly normal life. Well, as normal as anyone's life can be.

So imagine my surprise and horror when a group of Army Recruitment goons try intimidate my and my friends, almost using physical violence, into attending some recruitment meeting.

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My story beings at the local mall. All names and places have been removed for my own protection and anonymity. I'm with three friends, just hanging out, thinking about getting a job application from the mall's bookstore. The four of us are approached by three very average-looking guys. They're dressed pretty casually, looking about in the mid-twenties. One of them notices my Green Lantern shirt and says to me, "Hey man, Hal Jordan was the shit."

We strike up a conversation on comics, the return of Hal Jordan, and the DC universe in general. It's nice and pleasant. I'm thinking, Hey, these guys are all right!, because anyone who thinks that Hal Jordan is the best Green Lantern is ok in my book. Anyway, this guy asks us where we're all going to college next year, as it came up in conversation that we're all seniors from the local high school, the same one they claimed to have graduated from. He sounded off our college choices, mostly liberals arts schools in the northeast.

Then, out of nowhere, one of them has a brochure in his hands. It was like a magician, pulling a rabbit out of a hat. First nothing, then brochure. He hands it to me and says that we could all get our college paid for and invites us to an informational meeting the next weekend. The brochure looks like a technical college kind of thing, mentioning "fun work" in "technology fields for the jobs of tomorrow." Then I realize that the brochure is plastered with the old Army slogans: "Travel the World!," "Have your college paid for!," that kind of stuff. Except the brochure doesn't mention the Army or ANY branch of the armed services at all.

I ask the guy if it's for the Army, and he just smiles at me and says, "College isn't the only option out there, dudes." Ok, I'm done with this guy, I figure. I smile, say No thank you, sir, and motion to my friends. The head guy says he needs our names, phone numbers, and addresses, so we can be put into the "Not Interested Database." Yeah bloody right. Again, I say no thank you and move off. They block us again. The head guy says, "We're getting your names, kid." I turn around, and two more Army guys have materialized out of nowhere, undoubtedly having moved in while we were talking. It's the four of us being surrounded by five Army guys that look like they tear phonebooks in half for light exercise.

We stand there, surrounded and scared shitless, for about ten seconds that feel like hours. Then, one of my friends, a girl, screeches, "RAAAPE! GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF OF ME!," and screams so loud that I'm certain glass cracked somewhere nearby. This distracted the Army guys long enough for me to break between two of them with my shoulder, and we ran through the hole like bats out of hell. We ran the ENTIRE length of the mall, through the parking lot, piled into my car, and peeled out of there in one minute flat. I don't even know if they were chasing us, but I think they didn't because there is NO way that I could have outran these guys.

What's the moral of the story? Simple. Many of you are parents. If you have kids who are my age, in their late teens preparing for college, warn them! These recruitment guys are going to stoop to some serious stuff to fill their quotas, even if that means roughing up someone. Now, I do not plan on revealing my name, my location, or this event to the authorities. First off, I'm scared these Gestapo bastards will track me down and try to lock me or my family up. Second, I know that if I do tell the local cops, they will NEVER go after Army recruiters, as conservative as this area is. By the time they were finished, I'd be accused of tearing up an official Army recruiting station and attacking two uniformed soldiers. Teaching is half the battle. Tell your kids to watch who they talk to and to be suspicious of everyone. They might not be as lucky as I was.

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very disturbing imho. it seems recruiters are becoming desperate and since there is nobody to bring their selling methods into question...how and where is the line drawn? i've been approached by recruiters and they are indeed worse than telemarketers in not taking 'no' for an answer.

so should this system of recruitment change? are quotas and commision the real problem? fact is, there are many recruiters who WILL lie through their teeth to get you to sign up...not for their country, but for that bonus on their paycheck.

so lets discuss.

Thats quite bad. I mean imploying intimidation isn't the way to get citizens to fight for the country, never mind respect it. The recruiters that I've seen in Middlesbrough are dressed as soldiers and have their own stall that people can approach if they want to.

A buddy of mine who now lives in Brooklyn got the whole "Not Interested Database" thing. And another friend once had a recruiter tell him that he "Guarantees great money and that you'll never have to go to a war zone if you don't want to".

There has never really been anything like this in the uk, its very scary, in films recruiters are always portrade as this, is this a new problem? has bush brought this about? They are effectivley salesmen so i guess they will try all kinds of tactics but goddamn its scary

The first and last paragraphs look like they were written by two totally different people. The first one reminds me of those KMC junior members whose first 10 posts include starting 8 new threads. The last one looks like it was written by a parent with triple the IQ of the aforementioned.

Where was this, anyways? And is Amazing Rando this freak's real name?

i dont know, check the link.
must i do a background check?

LOL

Sounds like their orders come straight from the top.

Seriously, I got a call one morning from an Marine recruiter. I recall thinking it was too early for them to wake me up. I cussed him and told him not to ever call back. I've never heard from another recruiter.

Besides, my mother told me that I wasn't allowed to join the armed services. She said she wasn't going to apologize to the American public for my attitude. Apparently, she'd had enough of that in school.

army recruitment huh....nice...real nice...I wouldn't join the army...try the marines or navy or something with class

dicator

The only problem we get is jehovahs witnesses...

well coming form a country that has a mandatory military service I think that the lot should stop being such f*ucking pouting whining chickens and join up. your country ask you too ............ 😂 😂 😆 🍺
sorry I just couldnt resist it 👿 😈 usaflag tank

screw that

Dont tell the police. I bet its like that South Park episode, where they are forced into buying a Condo.

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaape!

Fake

😂

ITS DEM DAMN LYING DEMOCRATS AGAIN I RECKON!!!!!! *spit*

Actually, I think it's exagerated. "two guys materialized out of midair and was blocking our path" as if he knows these guys were actually purposely blocking their path. Maybe that's just where they were standing.

well, im sure they didnt materialise as that technology has not been invented yet. 😛

really though, it seems he just exagerates in superficial ways to stylise, like the way the guy made the brochure 'appear' like a magician. i really dont think this is BS. i witnessed recruitmant officers at malls and even heard one call my friend a 'fairy' probably because he had long hair. he said it out loud to his buddy, clearly so that my friend would hear.

one time at the DMV (what a way to make a shithole even worse) this dickhead cornered me and gave me the whole sales pitch. i wanted to walk away...but where the hell was i going to go? i was stuck there. you would have thought i was being offered a free three month vacation at club med. those guys piss me off worse than telemarketers. i grit my teeth at the thought of all the less observant kids who got suckered into the military with lies from commision driven salesmen.

Hmmm, well I've never really encountered any of them, didn't know they were being assholes to people they're trying to recruit.