My short story...

chroinicle 1
The Chronicles of the Fallen Apprentice
Introduction
“Through the blood of the weak I find strength….”

The Force has preyed upon my body for many years. It has eaten my flesh and made my blood curdle; it gave no mercy to my conscience. I was a slave to the power I could not touch, it was uncontrollable, and I discovered myself lingering in constant neutrality, unable to pursue the tremendous power that I felt inside of me, and unable to know where it would lead. But now I see the passions that it longed for. It searched inside me looking for the true Jedi underneath the lies the council had bestowed upon me. I will not fight it any longer, for it has found the strength that it seeks in me. The strength of the dark side. I will use it to my advantage only and will not aid others in need, because the Force found me and me alone. I alone have the power and strength to pursue the great wisdom it has given me, no one else is as strong as I. I have become powerful, so powerful that the force now bows down to me, and serves me at my pleasure. There is no greater reward than striking down your opponent mercilessly without hesitation, and bathing in the glory that reigns down upon you through the blood that was spilled in the process. The weak and innocent will naturally be wiped out by the strong, which is the way of the universe. They will grovel, begging for mercy at the hands of the willful and strong, and they will be struck down in the process and the dark will continue to soar through the galaxy, killing off the tender-hearted souls that infect the bordering systems, and I will continue to fill the worlds with terror and death until my own death has come. Sky Vendor, was a strong Jedi. He led countless assaults on the Sith across the far reaches of the galaxy. His experience made him wise in the ways of war and his saber had met the demise of many dark Jedi. The elder council looked upon him as a passionate and willful leader of the Jedi. Throughout his career he commended the deeds of the light, constantly claiming that the Force will discover the true strength within every Jedi, and only through the light and with patience will you discover its full potential in the end. That is where his weakness overran him and pulled him down into the depths of near insanity. A whole life cannot be wasted finding the true glory of the Force, there will be no time to use the tremendous power that you have discovered in the end. Only through the dark can you achieve the complete stability of the Force in enough time to use it to your advantage. His strength soon diminished into a fragment of what it was in his prime, and he became weak.
At the time when his sanity was slipping was when I became his apprentice. In the beginning stages of my training, I became more knowledgeable about the Force than my own master, yet I could not defeat him with my saber, for his skills were more advanced then mine, and oh how I longed to defeat him one day. The first time I battled him was a powerful one. I remember the flickering lights of the sabers clashing together and whirling around as if independent from our control. So many battles within our minds had been executed, yet I could feel his weakness. I pushed his mind to the most extreme circumstances through the power of the Force, but somehow he managed to distract me with his lightsaber, but I continued to attempt to halt his mind. Eventually, I got too focused on his mind and lost patience with the battle attempting to strike him down, but in the midst of doing so, I lost my weapon.
“Good…… good.” he said to me.
“That was very good Raydan, but you needed to focus more on your saber and defense skills for the time being. Your weakness lies in your determination to dominate the mind while your saber skills are lagging behind you. You must use your saber skills and your mind powers to defeat your opponent, not one primarily. When using your mind, you must learn to use high defense levels with your lightsaber, otherwise you get distracted and you have opened up a weakness. Once you have accomplished these skills, then you are naturally able to defend yourself while using your mind to push your opponent to defeat.”
“Yes Master Vendore. I will try.”
“Good, you are making great headway my young apprentice.”
I remember the utter disappointment I felt, but I knew at the time he was more skilled then I. I couldn’t help to dwell on the instance I gained near domination of his mind during the duel, wondering how powerful I had become to achieve such power, I soon realized that I was almost more powerful than my master even at early apprenticeship. We traveled together for many years along the Outer Rim fighting many creatures of the dark by order of the Jedi Council. I loved battle. I loved feeling the force rushing through my body, but I didn’t like being on defense all the time, I liked to strike first, yet I knew that a Jedi would never do so. The beginning of the Clone Wars meant that the Jedi Council found themselves in a difficult position. Soon the council was focused on keeping the Republic in order rather than keeping a close eye on the development of the new generation of Jedi. I found myself on countless missions, destroying the Separatists in surrounding systems under close watch by Master Vendor. Each mission made me more powerful and cunning in battle, and through the efforts of the light, I achieved greater darkness.

Part 1: The Assault on Sancton

The Council instructed us to travel to Sancton, a world completely crawling with murderers, bounty hunters and other scum. The city of Granteiien, the evil heart of Sancton, was suspected of illegal trade with the Separatists. In exchange for a hefty sum of credits they would export munitions and weaponry, making them all the more powerful. Tarragon Wiezser, a Twi’lek from Coruscant, was the city’s biggest crime lord. His main export was battle droid sensory enhancers, which increased the battle droids ability to target enemies. We were ordered to go to Granteiien, and bring down the crime lord, also destroying the factory where the B.S.E.’s were constructed. On the loading deck of the Coruscant landing bay, Master Vendore and I prepared for departure. The entire docking bay was crawling with life. Droids, bounty hunters, aliens, humanoids-all were present in this particular bay for it was publicly shared. We walked towards our ship and stood in front of her, wallowing at her beautiful yet beat up likeness.
“Ah, the Crimson Eagle, she hasn’t let us down yet has she?” Vendore spoke with a triumphant tone.
“She’s quite a ship I must agree.”
“She can outrun any vessel in the galaxy……”
“Oh I know master; she has quite unbeatable records I must say...”
“Yep, she can make .8 past light speed.”
We both wallowed in the beauty of our ship for awhile, when a quirky protocol droid with maroon-colored outer- plating approached us. “Master Vendor!” he said with his rustic voice.
“Yes?”
He waddled up to us with his little joints screeching to his movements and stood in front of my Master.
“I am DW-57, protocol droid at your service. I’ve been instructed by the council to travel with you to Sancton under your grace.”
“What is your primary function?” Vendore asked.
“…To be your informant on the distant world of Sancton that you plan to venture to. I am fluent in over six million forms of communication; I will be your primary translator.”
“We don’t really need a droid do we……?” I asked.
“Can you speak the ancient Lidian language Broteiie?” Master asked.
“Why yes sir, like I said before, I am fluent in over six million forms of-”
“-Well if it is instructed by the Council then so be it. All right D-W, you may board at
once.” He said to the fidgety droid.
“-Yes master.” The droid left and ran off to enter the ship.
“That’s great, another droid to worry about.” I said
“Well… he might help us in the long run.”
“But Master…they agitate my very soul. They are the scum of the galaxy and I completely disagree with the council!” I joked.
Before boarding the ship, I spotted an old man across the way lurking underneath the ship as if looking for something. He had an enormous scar that dominated the front portion of his face, not very pleasant to look at. He looked curiously angry at something, unless it was that disfiguring flesh that made him appear that way, but nevertheless I was spiteful. “Master Vendor, who is that stark man under the ship?”
“Him? Um…oh, h-he’s the new pilot of our ship, his name is Dock. Interesting fellow, he was a bounty hunter for the republic years ago, excellent flying skills.”
“He’s very……odd, not to mention He looks like his bad news.”
“Well I wouldn’t worry about him, he’s very much on the Republic’s side. I wouldn’t approach him with to many questions though; he’s very reserved about things.”
“Why?”
“--Don’t know. I suppose he’s seen a lot of death in his life, one who finds them self in those kinds of situations often tend to push their feelings aside, making them very independent and easily irritable.”
“I see.”
I looked at the man once again as he disappeared behind some cargo. We boarded the ship and lifted off towards the stars. Before long we arrived in Granteiien. The droid,
Master Vendore and I headed for a nearby hidden Republic base called ‘the bantha’s layer’. We had to make our way through the turbulent streets of the underworld in order to reach our destination. “We should be extra cautious on these streets, there’s no telling what might happen, so stick together.” Sky said to us as we left the hangar bay, heading towards the streets. Agonizing moans filled the atmosphere, both distant

and close by. The streets were covered in darkness and filled with musky air from the high concentration of scum and sickness surrounding the entire area. We walked down the slimy corridor filled with evil creatures and menacing laughter, I felt like the space was closing in on me. Deadly stares from the strange creatures passing by and sitting in the alcoves of the street would fill my heart with hatred; I wanted to slash them all down. “The dark side thrives in this area; I can feel its presence.” Sky said to the three of us. “Sir, it seems as though we have several creatures following us, be wary.” D-W spoke softly.
I looked behind us subtly, noticing three dark shadows in the distance; I kept my hand in close proximity to my lightsaber and turned back front ways. I looked behind me once more to see that they had disappeared completely. By that time we had ventured into a dark alleyway with no one in sight.
“Stop, be still. I sense a disturbance in the Force.” Sky said to us softly. “D-W, what do your sensors pick up?”
“My sensors are scrambled sir.”
“We should keep moving I will not fight here.” Sky said to me under his breath.
“But Master what if they plan to attack?” I asked.
“Trust me. We need to keep moving…”
I stayed in my place as the rest walked further down the dark path, when I felt a dark presence behind me. I turned around quickly to spot the three hooded figures again just standing at the end of the ally, as if waiting for something. Then, one by one, three bright red blades appeared in the darkness and their hum echoed through the alleyway. The three figures raised their blades above their heads ready to strike. I reached for my saber and its bright blue blade extended itself from the hilt. They waited there for a few moments while I stood with my saber drawn when suddenly, the middle figure stretched his arm out above his head. Bright lightning came at me with tremendous speed. The bolt fed itself into my energy blade before it could reach me. Master Vendor came running back to me with his saber drawn.
“Dark Jedi, master…”
“The Force is strong within them, be cautious.”
“We are stronger master…”
“We must not underestimate our opposition.”
The middle Jedi jumped up with spectacular force high above us landing in front of me, striking me continually with his saber. The two other Jedi leaped towards Sky. The Jedi that I battled was incredibly strong, throwing hard blows with his saber, flipping all around me and attempting to push me into the wall with blinding force strength. It was a spectacular display of great flashing lights whipping around and blasts of energy coming off the blades that lit up the entire alley. The Jedi stretched his hand out and violently pushed me to the ground. He then pointed the end of his blade towards my upper neck. I starred at the end of h saber and then glanced up at the Jedi, his eyes were a flaming yellow color and I could see the strength that enveloped him, I could feel the hatred inside of this man, and I admired it tremendously. A huge blaster discharge caught the attention of the Jedi, and an entire squad of Republic Commandos swarmed the alley, firing at the dark menaces. The three Jedi jumped high in the air, blocking every blast coming at them, and disappeared into the dark rooftops above. One Commando approached me and helped me up.
“Are you okay?” He asked through his helmet.
“Yeah I’m fine.”
“Master Vendore do you know who those assassins were?” the Commander asked.
“Some kind of dark Jedi I believe. Whatever, or whoever they were are strong in the Force. We must be cautious.”
The commando led us down a narrow corridor that led to ‘the bantha’s lair.’
The entrance was guarded by plasma turrets hidden under toppled stone from buildings and statues. The commando then guided us through the mammoth doors that led to the main chamber. Everything was bustling with activity. Different commanders of ARC trooper squads and huge screens displaying different parts of the city were on the walls. The entire place totally contrasted the rest of the city. We entered another room which looked like some kind of conference or briefing area. There, sitting at the end of the long table in the middle of the room sat Obi-Wan Kenobi himself. He got up from his chair and greeted the both of us.
“Ahh, Master Vendore how are you.” He asked.
“I’m good Master Kenobi.”
“Is this your apprentice?”
“Yes, Master Kenobi I would like you to meet Raydan Sqarr. He will be joining in on the assault.”
“Good, the Force is strong with you, young one.”
I couldn’t stand the fact that he called me ‘young one.’ Still I admired his strength. I could feel the force multiply when I entered the room, I knew he was very powerful. I hated him for that.
“We have issues to discuss.” Sky said to him.
“Yes we do, let’s sit down and discuss the situation at hand.” We then sat down around the table with him. General Waken entered the room at that point and sat next to us. “Good day Commander Kenobi.”
“Good day general, I’d like you to meet the Jedi that will be the leaders of this mission; Master Sky Vendore and his apprentice Raydan Sqarr.”
“Glad to meet you Master Jedi.”
“Yes, thank you.” Vendore responded.
Obi-wan then began his opening statements.
“As you all know there is great dispute among this city. Illegal trade of supplies and weapons has been troubling the Republic Army ever since the war began. We must bring these illegal actions to a halt. We will take a team of troops guided by Master Vendore and his Padawan and breach the B.S.E. factory. General Waken, what’s the status on your troops?”
“We have six ARC troopers ready for assault sir.”
“Good, we will execute our mission shortly. General Waken, get your men assembled at wait on the command deck until further notice.
“Yes Sir.” He left the meeting to go assemble his troops.
“Master Obi-Wan we have an issue to discuss.” My master said.
“Yes we do…a disturbance in the Force…I have recently felt it.”
“We were attacked in an alley outside of the base.” “Attacked by what-?” “Three mysterious cloaked figures…trained with the Force.” “Three figures did you say?” “-Yes…” “Sounds like the Rogue Jedi…”
“-Rogue Jedi?”
“The Rogue Jedi are Sith trained as assassins with means of wiping out the Jedi completely. We have had reports in the past of attacks by these dark assassins. They swoop in without any warning and brutally kill anyone related to the republic or the Jedi. Severed limbs and weapons are the only thing left by the Rogue. We must find away of destroying them before they turn more ravage upon the city of Granteiien.”
“I will take any means necessary in destroying these savages!” I said filled with hatred. “Subside your anger Raydan, if they can be turned to the light, then they will be.” Obi-wan said to me passively. I knew that if I came across a chance to kill a Sith, I would not hesitate to do so no matter what Obi-wan said.
We entered the command deck where General Waken was waiting for us with his ARC squad. Obi-wan was then went through the briefing on the mission objectives.
"As you all know, there are gigantic underground tunnels that run through the city. One of these tunnels leads right underneath the B.S.E. factory. The tunnels are filled with water, so we'll have to travel by submersible. Once inside of the factory, General Waken’s squad will journey through the factory until they enter the main housing area. There they will place explosives on key points around the warehouse and then meet Master Vendore and his Padawan on the command deck. Master Vendore, your job is to find any information and evidence of these illegal trade franchises, as well as information on the Sith. Any questions? Good, lets fall out men."

We followed Obi-wan down the corridors of the base and entered the docks for the underwater ships. The ships were small three men vessels that. We took the vessels down the tunnels and rose above the water line to reveal a small landing with an entrance to another tunnel. Are squads gathered together on the shore line and gathered our gear. I looked around me seeing...darkness and nothing but. Weird and unsettling noises echoed throughout the cave. Droplets of water bounced off my head. The ARC troops led the way down the rest of the tunnel, killing off hungry animals that lived in the small caverns. We arrived at a small opening in the cave. Towering high above us, a metal door blocked our passage. The ARC troopers sent our demolitions to cut a hole in the door with an open welder. The hole cut by the demo trooper was only big enough for one man to enter at a time, so one by one we went through the tiny hole. On the other side was the factory. Huge amounts of steam prevented us from seeing anything a few feet in front of our faces. The ARC squad led the way with their sensors through the main factory into a clear hallway. As we entered a few puny little factory workers ran off in fear. We didn’t blast them because we didn’t think that they cause any harm or alert anyone to our presence. We split up from there. The ARC team headed down towards the main warehouse while Master and I voyaged towards the command deck. We followed the hallway down to a storage room where they kept a lot of the defected B.S.E.’s. In a quick instance I felt something sinister enter the room.
“Master, do you feel that?”
“Yes, I do. It is the dark side lurking around us. Be cautious.”
“Yes Master.” Suddenly the alarms went off and red lights lit up all around us.
“They know we’re here, lets move.” Master said softly.
We ran down the rest of the hall that lead to a doorway. It opened in front of us and there stood two droid dekas with their two rapid firing arms ready to fire and there shields up. The droids fired a spray of blaster fire at us, but we were too quick for their guns. We jumped through a small hole in the wall that landed us right in the middle of the control deck.
“BLAST THEM!!” A droid commander ordered his troops.
I quickly threw half of the droids to the ground with my powers and faced the commander. He threw a thermal detonator at me and I swiftly kicked it back at his face. It blew him straight through the window directly behind him.
“Commander Vendore….come in Commander Vendore.” A voice called over the communicator.
“This is Commander Vendore.” He answered.
“General Waken here, we’ve deployed the charges and are ready to pull out.”
“Alright, you have permission to extract.”
”Yes Sir!”
“We can’t waste any more time here, we have to get out before the-…”
A dark voice caught our attention;
“….So Jedi, you think you could get away with this little assault did you…?” I turned around to see the Rogue Jedi standing at the rear of the room. My heart started to beat faster, for I couldn’t wait for the fight ahead.
“…You were wrong for coming here Vendore; this is none of your business.” He said to us.
“You will soon learn that punish Jedi like you will rapidly be crushed…” I shouted at the hooded figure.
”What’s this? A Padawan learner? HA! Your pathetic and childish taunts aren’t even worthy enough to be heard. Master Vendore, why do you travel with such putrid filth?”
“So what you’re saying to me is that you want the end of my saber through your skull?”
“Oooh, such mighty words coming from the baby Jedi, well you’ll soon learn some respect!”
“There is no need for a fight.” Master said to them.

“Oh, but there is!”
The three Jedi leaped forward and started striking at me and my master. Sky was defending against two of the Rogue Jedi while I battled with the leader. He was a lot stronger than the last time, this time he was attempting to penetrate my mind with his powers. I couldn’t stand the fact that he was powerful. Then I felt rage stream through my veins, I could feel my self getting stronger. As soon as I found a weakness in his saber technique I kicked him in the torso. He fell to the ground and his saber rolled towards my feet. I walked over him and raised my saber above my head.
“NO! Wait…please don’t kill me, I was hired, I beg of you!” He yelped.
“It’s too late for you SITH!”
“Raydan STOP!” Master yelled.
I felt overcome by my rage, I couldn’t hold on to my pureness and lunged my lightsaber right through his forehead.
“You will hear from us again Jedi!” one of the Sith yelled as he and the other ran off like cowards.
I stood looking at the impaled head of my opponent and smiled lightly. I had defeated the strong Sith that had killed so many in the past, I was the only one on this planet strong enough to defeat him.
“…I fear for you young one. You were empowered by the darkside and struck down your opponent when he begged mercy helplessly. The council will hear from me about your actions today, I will not cover for you this time!” Sky said to me with anger.
“We didn’t have time for him; we needed to finish our mission.” I ranted.
“Your right, this is not the time to discuss side issues. Check the dead Jedi for any clues leading to whom he was employed by, I’ll look through the system computer.”
“Yes Master…” I replied.
I bent down and opened the Jedi’s cloak to find a small pouch with a rectangular shaped object in it. I pulled it out and looked at it more closely. It had small markings on the side of it, like some sort of language.
“Master do you know what this is?”
“I have no idea, perhaps Obi-wan will.”
I continued to search the dead Sith, nothing was left except for his lightsaber which I took as a keepsake. We ran out of the command deck and passed through the rest of the factory. The front entrance door opened up for us and General waken waited for us with speeders ready.
“Let’s go!” Sky said to us.
We whisked away on the speeders as I watched the spectacular explosion of the factory behind us. The entire factory was engulfed with flames and it slowly but steadily crumbled to the ground. I felt a sensation once again from the destruction.
Back at “the bantha’s lair,’ Obi- wan debriefed us on the successful mission.
“Good work men; our mission was fulfilled to the fullest degree. Tarragon Wiezser was killed in the explosion, no more illegal trade will be heard of from him again. Master Vendore, what information did you locate whilst on the command deck?”
“We traced the trade records to Count Dooku, head of the Separatists. He has managed to keep these shipments alive for some time now, almost ten years. We encountered the Rogue Jedi and slaughtered it’s leader, you the city of Granteiien will not be bothered by them any longer. While searching their leader, we found this unusual piece, it looks like some sort of artifact.”
“Yes, I will tell the council and have them examine this piece. As for you and your Padawan, you shall be commended for your good deeds.”
“Thank you Sir.”
That was to be the end of that adventure for Master Vendore and I. Soon new developments that would lead to new mysteries would continue my story further, and my master, would soon find darkness about him that would eventually lead to his destruction.

Nice storys 🙂

its one big story.....its not complete though, its a first draft. any ideas?

Break it into more defined paragraphs which are seperated by at least one empty line.

It makes it seem like there is less there and you'll get more people who are willing to read it.

i had it that way originally, but the transition was to much to handle.

SWEET! but I agree that you should have more definded paragraphs