If my departure from this world is meant to be because of a gunshot, I couldn't think of a cooler guy then J Brown to inflict it.
Imagine standing in line before Petrus, talking to the other people:
'Hey, how did you end up here?'
'Aah man, my wife accidentally drove me over cause she couldn't tell first gear from reverse'
'Hahahahaaa, sucker! I got shot by James Brown!!'
Originally posted by Pandemoniac
If my departure from this world is meant to be because of a gunshot, I couldn't think of a cooler guy then J Brown to inflict it.
Imagine standing in line before Petrus, talking to the other people:
'Hey, how did you end up here?'
'Aah man, my wife accidentally drove me over cause she couldn't tell first gear from reverse'
'Hahahahaaa, sucker! I got shot by James Brown!!'
hysterical...............
shot by James brown..vs...Run over my Mini being driven by wife....😕...
😆... ok fair enough...
How about this one, by the fabulous Bloodhound Gang?
"I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks"
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy
Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon I'd become
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he talks like this
And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny
Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
LMFAO ...Hoooray for boobies!! 🤘...
how about this one
one feirce beer coaster albumn...
Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny"
You came twice last year like a Sears catalog,
Cause your last boyfriend makes love like Boss Hogg,
Well now you're seeing me but soon I'll have you seeing God,
Cause girl I'll get you panting like you're Pavlov's dog,
Like a DC-10: guaranteed to go down,
But baby your black box is the one that I found,
I'll give you the gift that keeps on givin' it won't cost you any money,
Then she grabbed me by the ears and said kiss me where it smells funny.
So down I go like I'm 2000 Flushes,
I can tell I'm doing something right by the way that she blushes,
She's one that's speechless, I'm the one that's tongue tied,
She's thinking holy mackerel I'm thinking tuna on the side,
There must be something wrong with Al Pacino's nose,
Cause the scent of a woman is like rotten tomatoes,
Yeah I'm snorkeling for clams and it doesn't matter if I wanna be,
Don't come up for air until you kiss me where it smells funny.
Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base,
I can tell that the cherry's ripe by the way it tastes,
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties,
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty,
Drop my face below her waist and stay on third base,
I can tell that the cherry's ripe by the way it tastes,
Yeah I could make a lot of wine with the yeast I find inside her panties,
And then drink it while eating out down at the Seafood Shanty.
Lipstick by GUTTERMOUTH
On a tuesday afternoon
My mom came into my room
And said get the **** up outta bed
And get a God damned job
So I told her hey **** you mom
And I threw the phone at her head
But I missed and hit her in the ****
So I slammed the door in her face
And said don’t ever barge in my room
Or ill kick your ass and call the cops
And tell them I’m abused
And you’ll wind up in jail
While I snowboard in vail
No one to post your bail
Cuz daddy loves me more
He says that your a
Your worthless your lazy your stupid
A little over weight
Now give me 20 bucks
Mommy your so
Worthless your lazy your stupid
A little over weight
Now give me 20 bucks
No make it 50 bucks
Now mom writes me letters
I write return to sender
Let her rot in her cell
I watch the dogs mate on her bed
So sorry mommy I had to pawn
The china, silver and all your jewelry
I had to eat and rent a bunch of prostitutes
Like you
Bloodhound gang
"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying"
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
And how about this naughty song by The holy Guns N Rosessss!
"Anything Goes"
I been thinkin' 'bout
Thinkin' 'bout sex
Always hungry for somethin'
That I haven't had yet
Maybe baby you got somethin' to lose
Well I got somethin',
I got somethin' for you
My way-your way
Anything goes tonight
My way-your way
Anything goes
Panties 'round your knees
With your ass in debris
Doin' dat grind
with a push and squeeze
Tied up, tied down,
up against the wall
Be my rubbermade baby
An' we can do it all
My way-your way
Anything goes tonight
Weird Al's Lyrics....all of them
A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and qui-gon jinn
Could talk the federation into
Maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn’t thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met jar jar and boss nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to theed to see the queen
We all wound up on tatooine
That’s where we found this boy...
Oh my my this here anakin guy
May be vader someday later - now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ soon I’m gonna be a jedi
Soon I’m gonna be a jedi
Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn’t even old enough to shave
And he can use the force, they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he’s just nine and she’s fourteen
Yah, he’s probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I knew he built c-3po
And I’ve heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it’s true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin’ ace
And the minute jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singin’ ...
My my this here anakin guy
May be vader someday later - now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ soon I’m gonna be a jedi
Soon I’m gonna be a jedi
Now we finally got to coruscant
The jedi council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the force?
They interview the kid
Oh, training they forbid
Because yoda sensed in him much fear
And qui-gon said now listen here
Just stick it in your pointy ear
I still will teach this boy
He was singin’ ...
My my this here anakin guy
May be vader someday later - now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ soon I’m gonna be a jedi
Soon I’m gonna be a jedi
We caught a ride back to naboo
’cause queen amidala wanted to
I frankly would’ve liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn’t long at all before
Little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some gunguns died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin’
The battle droids were broken
And the jedi I admire most
Met up with darth maul and now he’s toast
Well, I’m still here and he’s a ghost
I guess I’ll train this boy
And I was singin’ ...
My my this here anakin guy
May be vader someday later - now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ soon I’m gonna be a jedi
Soon I’m gonna be a jedi
We were singin’ ...
My my this here anakin guy
May be vader someday later - now he’s just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin’ soon I’m gonna be a jedi
Sir Mix-a-lot;
I like big butts!
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got
Make Me so horney
Ooh, rump of smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my benz
Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's Sweat,Wet, got it goin like a turbo vette
I'm tired of magazines
Saying flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So Fellas (yeah) Fellas(yeah)
Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)
Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
Baby got back
(LA face with Oakland booty)
I like'em round and big
And when I'm throwin a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And UH, double up UH UH
I aint talkin bout playboy
Cuz silicone parts were made for toys
I wannem real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mixalot's in trouble
Beggin for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Knockin these bimbos walkin like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won't cus or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --
Til the break of dawn
Baby Got it goin on
Alot of pimps won't like this song
Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So ladies (yeah), Ladies (yeah)
Do you wanna roll in my Mercedes (yeah)
Then turn around
Stick it out
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back
(LA face with the Oakland booty)
Yeah baby
When it comes to females
Cosmo ain't got nothin to do with my selection
36-24-36
Only if she's 5'3"
So your girlfriend throws a Honda
Playin workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that
Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin
And I'm thinkin bout stickin
To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You aint it miss thing
Give me a sista I can't resist her
Red beans and rice did miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
Cuz his girls were on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And pulled up quick to get with 'em
So ladies if the butt is round
And you wanna triple X throw down
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT and kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back
Baby got back
Little in tha middle but she got much back x4
More easy tunes:
Afroman
"Because I Got High"
It's Like, I don't care about nothin man,
roll another blunt, Yea (ohh ohh ohh),
La da da da da da La, Da Daaa,
La da da da, La da da da, La da da daaa
I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
my room is still messed up and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]
(La da da da da da da da da)
I was gonna go to class before I got high
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
(La da da da da da da da da)
I am taking it next semester and I know why, (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]
(La da da da da da da da da)
I was gonna go to work but then I got high
I just got a new promotion but I got high
now I'm selling dope and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]
(La da da da da da da da da)
I was gonna go to court before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high
they took my whole paycheck and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]
(La da da da da da da da da)
I wasn't gonna run from the cops but I was high
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high
(La da da da da da da da da)
Now I am a paraplegic and i know why (why man?) yea heayy,
- because I got high [repeat 3X]
(La da da da da da da da da)
I was gonna pay my car note until I got high
I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high
now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- because I got high [repeat 3X]
(La da da da da da da da da)
I was gonna make love to you but then I got high
I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high
now I'm jacking off and I know why, yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]
(La da da da da da da da da)
I messed up my entire life because I got high
I lost my kids and wife because I got high
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]
(La da da da da da da da da)
I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm high
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high
and if I dont sell one copy I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I'm high [repeat 3X]
La da da da da da, La da da da, Shoop shooby doo wop.
Get jiggy wit it, skibbidy bee bop diddy do wahhh
- cause I'm high [repeat 3X]
(hey where the cluck at cuz) [clucks]
Well my name is afroman and I'm from east pomdale (east-pom-dale)
and all the tolweed I be smokin is bomb as helllllll (excelent delivery)
I don't beleive in Hitler, that's what I said (oh my goodness)
so all of you skins (skins) please give me more head