I wish it would rain/snow here.
When it rains and it's all gloomy, it matches me perfectly.
I don't have to see people stretched out on the grass and laughing and smiling and talking.
When it rains, everybody is quiet, if they are talking, you can't hear them over the rain.
It's all dark and everybody is own their way, isolated from everybody else.........by the rain.
When it snows, it's just so calm. The atmosphere can feel heavy, but the snow falls every so gently. It's cold...........like my heart.
I like walking in the snow and I use to like playing in it. Oh how my hands would freeze to the point where I thought I was experiencing frost bite. So interesting.
Looking out the window..........knowing there wouldn't be any school tomorrow. Another day spared from being thrown into that crowd of adolescent squabble and trash.
Solely in your own room, by yourself. Not mingled among those refugee brats. No stupids to deal with. No foul mouth drones. No teaching sh!t heads.
Just you, your room, your game, your tv, and the snow outside promising you a solitude filled day in which you can rejoice and contemplate what to do with your free time, unless you wanted to end it right there, b/c you know that as soon as the snow stops, hell starts.
Choosing to continue gets you in a sh!tload of hellish worries and situations as I find myself in now. Right choice. I think not. People would think so. Because they are blind to the fact that I just don't give a crap.
While they are out thinking what to give their love ones for christmas, I'm thinking of what they can give me.
While they are rejoicing in experiencing another birthday and living another year, I'm dreading growing older and still being of this earth.
While they have babies, I have disease riddled concoctions of the sort that some would wish not to have, but I embrace at times, b/c they promise a short lived life. Although painful, it'll be all worth it if it works out as I plan.
While they experience new levels of living, I experience new levels of solitary confinement, new levels of toleration, that are dwindling if not completely deceased already.
While you all type happily about your lives on a message board, I put on a front of a good, or at lease decent way of living, when really if you met me, you wouldn't recognize me. You wouldn't like me. You wouldn't know me.
Why?
Because I don't care to know you.
Don't speak, glance, look, wink, smile, laugh, walk, gesture, type to me.
In real life beyond this Vail, I am empty, with nothing to offer to anyone, not even myself.
Only one gift I could ever give myself. I have yet to do that. Why? Don't know. Am I willing to do something about it? Maybe.
Do I care what anybody else thinks? No.
In my mind, do you even exist? Yes. But in the lowest level of existence you dwell, for you are human and humans alike cannot hide the fact that they are nothing but fortunate animals with more means in which to belittle, flaunt, manipulate, hate, anger, kill, drug, drown, slander, and a slew of other things.
There is no end to their ways.
There is an end to my way though.
Because Of You.
Anata Wa Wakarimasu Ka.....
Originally posted by InnerRise
I wish it would rain/snow here.When it rains and it's all gloomy, it matches me perfectly.
I don't have to see people stretched out on the grass and laughing and smiling and talking.
When it rains, everybody is quiet, if they are talking, you can't hear them over the rain.
It's all dark and everybody is own their way, isolated from everybody else.........by the rain.
When it snows, it's just so calm. The atmosphere can feel heavy, but the snow falls every so gently. It's cold...........like my heart.
I like walking in the snow and I use to like playing in it. Oh how my hands would freeze to the point where I thought I was experiencing frost bite. So interesting.
Looking out the window..........knowing there wouldn't be any school tomorrow. Another day spared from being thrown into that crowd of adolescent squabble and trash.
Solely in your own room, by yourself. Not mingled among those refugee brats. No stupids to deal with. No foul mouth drones. No teaching sh!t heads.
Just you, your room, your game, your tv, and the snow outside promising you a solitude filled day in which you can rejoice and contemplate what to do with your free time, unless you wanted to end it right there, b/c you know that as soon as the snow stops, hell starts.
Choosing to continue gets you in a sh!tload of hellish worries and situations as I find myself in now. Right choice. I think not. People would think so. Because they are blind to the fact that I just don't give a crap.
While they are out thinking what to give their love ones for christmas, I'm thinking of what they can give me.
While they are rejoicing in experiencing another birthday and living another year, I'm dreading growing older and still being of this earth.
While they have babies, I have disease riddled concoctions of the sort that some would wish not to have, but I embrace at times, b/c they promise a short lived life. Although painful, it'll be all worth it if it works out as I plan.
While they experience new levels of living, I experience new levels of solitary confinement, new levels of toleration, that are dwindling if not completely deceased already.
While you all type happily about your lives on a message board, I put on a front of a good, or at lease decent way of living, when really if you met me, you wouldn't recognize me. You wouldn't like me. You wouldn't know me.
Why?
Because I don't care to know you.
Don't speak, glance, look, wink, smile, laugh, walk, gesture, type to me.
In real life beyond this Vail, I am empty, with nothing to offer to anyone, not even myself.
Only one gift I could ever give myself. I have yet to do that. Why? Don't know. Am I willing to do something about it? Maybe.
Do I care what anybody else thinks? No.
In my mind, do you even exist? Yes. But in the lowest level of existence you dwell, for you are human and humans alike cannot hide the fact that they are nothing but fortunate animals with more means in which to belittle, flaunt, manipulate, hate, anger, kill, drug, drown, slander, and a slew of other things.
There is no end to their ways.
There is an end to my way though.
Because Of You.
Anata Wa Wakarimasu Ka.....
so write poems AND sing?
Originally posted by amaya mooreI hadn't intended for it to be a poem with I started, but I guess it could pass for one.
so write poems AND sing?
For my eighth grade graduation into highschool, my poem, out of the whole grade won to be in the Graduation Ceremony Pamphlet.
Does that mean much? Up to you.
I've written poems that were submitted in books and I've had teachers come up to me and tell me how much they loved it out of all of the poems.
I wonder if I can find it??? Hmmm.....
I have a slew of poems in one of my Wallet Pockets..
What will I ever do with them????
They are quite personal...I don't know........I pray I don't loose this wallet as my others, this one has many things of value in it...should I take them out..........something to think about.
Well........I really should sink back into reality and do this work that I'm forced to do.
Why am I beginning to cry???
I don't know.
I never know.
anata wa wakarimasu ka.....