Originally posted by heavenablaze666
twist and turn
my life so wicked
live life like there is no tomorrow
burn with love and passion
die only to be reborn again
the key is to burn
life is not a toy
to wind up and let go
hold close to you and never let go
burn like a fire a candle a torch
never extingush
what you have rejoiced
remember to burn
to live and let live
to love and let love
to burn like a candles wick
May I offer a suggestion? Hm? Okay. It's minor really, have you ever thought of breaking up your work into quatrains?
Normally a quatrain is like a mini-book. A beginning, a middle and a climax to a thought. A general to be sure, but not necessarily absolute, as it normally follows a train of thought.
Ex.:
(Yours)
my life so wicked
live life like there is no tomorrow
burn with love and passion
die only to be reborn again
(Revised)
My life, so wicked.
Live life for there is no tomorrow.
Burn, with passionate love.
Die.And be born again.
It's only a suggestion and an example, your work is your own. I do not claim to know your thoughts and feelings. But the revision, though the idea is the same, adds resonance when punctuated properly for the reader to know and feel what it is you are conveying for us apt observers of your inner soul.
Take it or leave it, yours to make really.
Originally posted by NunYahBidness
May I offer a suggestion? Hm? Okay. It's minor really, have you ever thought of breaking up your work into quatrains?Normally a quatrain is like a mini-book. A beginning, a middle and a climax to a thought. A general to be sure, but not necessarily absolute, as it normally follows a train of thought.
Ex.:
(Yours)
my life so wicked
live life like there is no tomorrow
burn with love and passion
die only to be reborn again(Revised)
My life, so wicked.
Live life for there is no tomorrow.
Burn, with passionate love.
Die.And be born again.It's only a suggestion and an example, your work is your own. I do not claim to know your thoughts and feelings. But the revision, though the idea is the same, adds resonance when punctuated properly for the reader to know and feel what it is you are conveying for us apt observers of your inner soul.
Take it or leave it, yours to make really.
Originally posted by heavenablaze666Really? 😱...er, um your quite welcome. (caught me off-guard) Don't do that again, or I'll be forced to be not nice. A joke by the way.
thankies ill do that 😊 so how are you ?
I'm doing very well. And in ten minutes I am off for either a late breakfast at Ihop or an early lunch. Care to join? Don't answer that, it was rhetorical.
But keep up the work...you're actually doing fine. I'll keep my eye on you though.
Originally posted by NunYahBidness
Really? 😱...er, um your quite welcome. (caught me off-guard) Don't do that again, or I'll be forced to be not nice. A joke by the way.I'm doing very well. And in ten minutes I am off for either a late breakfast at Ihop or an early lunch. Care to join? Don't answer that, it was rhetorical.
But keep up the work...you're actually doing fine. I'll keep my eye on you though.
i would love to join.....i had to answer
thankies love have a nice lunch...brunch...whateverglare
Originally posted by NunYahBidness
Really? 😱...er, um your quite welcome. (caught me off-guard) Don't do that again, or I'll be forced to be not nice. A joke by the way.I'm doing very well. And in ten minutes I am off for either a late breakfast at Ihop or an early lunch. Care to join? Don't answer that, it was rhetorical.
But keep up the work...you're actually doing fine. I'll keep my eye on you though.
Originally posted by NunYahBidness
Yes you did, didn't you. Just to spite me I suppose. Eh, had it coming I guess.And your sincerety is much appreciated. But what's with that glare smilie? Eh? Eh?
so ask me
if its ok
and tell me you lied n my face
and i wish you'd just go away and leave my here
alone again
im tierdof hearing the same old song over and over again
just tear my heart out and stay here alone with me tonight
i missed you
so long ago when we were nothing more then frineds
i hurt you and judge you and now im alone again
i cant say
that i was wrong
it wouldnt be like me to sing this song
i hate my insides and
all that i am is just a mistake
i missed you and hurt you its my fault that you left me
im sorry you wont try
to see how i am on another side
Originally posted by heavenablaze666crytis beautiful
so ask me
if its ok
and tell me you lied n my face
and i wish you'd just go away and leave my here
alone again
im tierdof hearing the same old song over and over again
just tear my heart out and stay here alone with me tonight
i missed you
so long ago when we were nothing more then frineds
i hurt you and judge you and now im alone again
i cant say
that i was wrong
it wouldnt be like me to sing this song
i hate my insides and
all that i am is just a mistake
i missed you and hurt you its my fault that you left me
im sorry you wont try
to see how i am on another side