Top 25 Lamest Super-Heros. by MAXIM MAGAZINE

#30:. Silver Surfer
Status: Member of the Defenders
Secret identity: Norrin Rad
Origin: In exchange for planet-eating Galactus sparing his home world of Zenn-la, Norrin Rad became his lackey, the Silver Surfer. Eventually, he defies the gargantuan planet hog and starts using his power for good.
Power: He has superstrength, invulnerability, and can shoot beams of the “power cosmic.” Also has great balance.
Why so lame: More like a living billboard for sports drinks, the Silver Surfer always looked like he was traversing the cosmos buck naked. And why would an alien space traveler have a surfboard anyway?<---wtf surfer owns

#29: Blue Beetle
Status: Member of the Justice League of America
Secret identity: Ted Kord
Origin: Ted Kord, former chairman of the board of KORD Inc., uses his electronic genius to fight crime as the Blue Beetle.
Power: He’s got none, but he does own a buttload of giant beetle-shaped gadgets and vehicles.
Why so lame: He’s a little too in love with his whole bizarre “Beetle” motif. It’s not as if beetles are extraordinary bugs or anything. Now, Crimson Caterpillar—that’s a name! <---hehe he does suck

#28:Green Lantern
Status: Member of the Justice League of America
Secret identity: Multiple; currently Kyle Rayner
Origin: One of over 3,000 members comprising the Corps, Green Lantern of Space Sector 2814 protects Earth, the surrounding cosmos, and the Diamond District.
Power: A ring that can create force fields, cast destructive beams, heal the wounded, and make the gals at the parlor positively green with envy.
Why so lame: His superpowers come from battery-powered jewelry. Most degradingly, he’s defenseless against the color yellow. If you should encounter the Lantern, shower him in spray butter. While he obsessive-compulsively polishes his ring, run.<---he doesn't suck...much

#27: Darkman
Status: Probably lurking somewhere—watch behind you!
Secret identity: Peyton Westlake
Origin: Hideously burned by gangsters who were ransacking his laboratory, Darkman lurks in the shadows, fighting injustice and changing his face more often than his underwear.
Power: Synthetic skin enables Darkman to assume different identities but only for brief amounts of time. He’s also—what’s the term? —totally ****ing nuts.
Why so lame: A walking plastic surgery disaster? What kind of hero is that?!

#26: The Phantom
Status: Former member of the Defenders of the Earth
Secret identity: Kit Walker
Origin: After witnessing his parents killed by pirates (arrrh!), the mysterious Phantom, um, shakes his fist and threatens bad guys from his jungle hideout.
Power: He’s got no powers to speak of. He is known, though, to carry handguns, and he sports a ring with a skull on it. He also wears purple tights. Or would that be “eggplant”?
Why so lame: A pair of six-shooters and a trusty steed are fine if you’re Clint Eastwood. But if you’re a hermit in a unitard, it sucks.

#25:25. SHE-RA
Secret identity: Princess Adora
Origin: He-Man’s twin sister.
Power: She has superstrength, a flying pony, and ’roid-rage-fueled PMS.
Why so lame: When bad guys are hunky, she must remember to tape over her supernipples before getting into costume or they’ll slice through the fabric, traumatizing children.

#24: DAREDEVIL
Secret identity: Matt Murdock
Origin: Blinded by radioactive waste, Murdock swore to fight crime after goons murdered his boxer dad. Is also a lawyer.
Power: He has batlike radar sense that makes up for his lack of seeingness…sort of.
Why so lame: He’s. A. Blind. Superhero. What’s next? Quadriplegic Stone Deaf Man?

#23:CAPTAIN MARVEL
Secret identity: Billy Batson
Origin: A subway-dwelling wizard (yeah, sure, buddy) gave young Billy the ability to turn into an adult superhero.
Power: By saying “Shazam!”, Billy can fly and is invulnerable.
Why so lame: Is he a little boy who can become a grown man or vice versa? Either way you slice it, it’s icky.

#22:THE FLASH
Secret identity: Barry Allen
Origin: Simultaneously struck by lightning and doused with chemicals (What sign was this ******* born under?), Barry Allen became the fastest man alive—the Flash!
Power: He can run really fast. Also…no, wait, that’s it.
Why so lame: When a curb can defeat you, you’re lame.

#21:INVISIBLE WOMAN
Secret identity: Sue Storm
Origin: On a rocket designed by her future husband, Reed Richards, Sue took a radiation bath that gave her superpowers. Which is…super!
Power: She can turn invisible and set up force fields.
Why so lame: Now, Inaudible Woman is something we could all get behind…

#20:MOON KNIGHT
Secret identities: Marc Spector, Steven Grant, Jake Lockley
Origin: Marc Spector gave up the soldier-of-fortune biz and invented several new identities, including Moon Knight.
Power: None.
Why so lame: What kind of “nocturnal avenger” wears all white? Why not just put blinking lights on your head, dork?

#19: PUCK
Secret identity: Eugene Judd
Origin: Soldier of fortune (that’s original) Eugene fell victim to an evil spirit that transformed him into a beefy midget. D’oh!
Power: He’s very strong and can somersault ferociously.
Why so lame: He’s a midget in a leotard named for a chunk of rubber that gets slapped around by Canadians. Any questions?

#18:HOURMAN
Secret identity: Rex Tyler
Origin: Rex developed an addictive miracle drug named Miraclo (duh!), which gives a person momentary superpowers.
Power: Strength, near-invulnerability, and speed…for an hour.
Why so lame: His powers can be nullified by a traffic delay. When taken in the bedroom, he becomes 30-second Man.

#17:MAN-THING
Secret identity: Ted Sallis
Origin: A lab accident in a swamp turned biochemist Sallis into a lumbering heap of vegetation.
Power: Photosynthesis. His touch burns anyone who fears him. Looks pretty in the den, by the window.
Why so lame: He looks like something a vegan vomited up.

#16. BLACK LIGHTNING
Secret identity: Jefferson Pierce
Origin: Jefferson acquired an electricity-generating superbelt to help him fight crime and dispense justice in the ghetto.
Power: Can generate electricity—enough to power a small black-and-white television for up to 20 minutes.
Why so lame: Judging by Black Lightning’s credentials (disco tights and funky belt), Bootsy Collins could be a superhero.

#15. WONDER WOMAN
Secret identity: Princess Diana (no, not that one)
Origin: Chosen by the Amazons to serve as their crime-fighting champion in the world of Man.
Power: Superstrength, a pair of bullet-deflecting bracelets, and a gold lasso that makes people tell the truth. In other words, the girlfriend from hell.
Why so lame: PMS. See this star-spangled stripper in the parking lot, feeling around for her invisible jet? Back off.

#14. SHE-HULK
Secret identity: Jennifer Walters
Origin: The Mob tried to rub out Jenny with a shower of bullets…Little did they know her cousin was Bruce “the Hulk” Banner. After an emergency green-blood transfusion, Jennifer became the She-Hulk.
Power: She has superstrength; can pulverize any johnson between her mighty she-labia.
Why so lame: Basically, she’s just a hot green chick. Yawn.

#13. FIRESTORM
Secret identities: Ronny Raymond and Martin Stein
Origin: An accident fused the minds of student Ronny and professor Martin into one hero: Firestorm.
Power: He can fly and phase through solid objects.
Why so lame: Imagine trying to fight crime as a voice in your head corrects your grammar…

#12. THOR
Secret identity: Donald Blake
Origin: The son of the Norse god Odin, Thor was punished for his arrogance and forced to assume the part-time identity of a crippled medical student.
Power: He has superstrength, flight, and a magic hammer; has amazing blond hair with body and bounce!
Why so lame: Any superhero who’d be played by Fabio should quit and start hitting the mead.

#11. GREEN ARROW
Secret identity: Oliver Queen
Origin: Stuck on a deserted island, Oliver taught himself the hunting skills that he’d later use to fight bad guys.
Power: He has incredible aim—also uses trick arrows that wear cute boxing gloves.
Why so lame: Archery skills were long ago left in the dust by more advanced weapons…like, oh, say, clubs.

#10. SUPERMAN
Secret identity: Clark Kent
Origin: Kal-El, an orphan from the planet Krypton, was adopted by farmers the Kents.
Power: He can fly, and he possesses superstrength, invulnerability, X-ray vision, heat vision, freezing breath—and two clanking balls of steel.
Why so lame: He’s a cornfed, holier-than-thou Boy Scout with a lame disguise. C’mon!

#9. CAPTAIN PLANET
Secret identity: Sting (um, we think)
Origin: Summoned when five multiethnic kids combined the power of their rings, Captain Planet helps thwart ecovillains.
Power: He can fly, and he sports a green mullet; weaknesses include littering, toxic waste. Can never enter New Jersey.
Why so lame: He’s Greenpeace’s own Superman!

#8. APACHE CHIEF
Secret identity: Token Native American
Origin: Apache Chief was given his superabilities by his tribe’s medicine man.
Power: By saying a magic word, Apache Chief can grow 50 feet tall—but as his costume’s a loincloth, the view ain’t pretty.
Why so lame: Seems like more of a Mohegan Sun attraction than a superhero.

#7. DR. HENRY PYM
Secret identity: Lessee, there’s Yellowjacket, Ant-Man, Goliath…
Origin: After thugs murdered his wife, Pym assumed a number of different superhero identities, all pathetic.
Power: Can become big or little. Has Napoleon and reverse-Napoleon complexes.
Why so lame: One awful identity is bad enough, but Pym has struck out four different times.

#6. BANSHEE
Secret identity: Sean Cassidy
Origin: An Irish member of Interpol, Banshee actually got his start as a bad guy before Professor X sought him out to join the X-Men. Been fighting the good fight, downing Guinness, and pestering ’N Sync with his résumé ever since.
Power: His scream can shatter and destroy things, and he can fly. Banshee does not, however, have the gift of the blarney.
Why so lame: What? You mean besides the fact that he’s known to villains as Shrieks-Like-a-Girl Man? Couldn’t they come up with something better? Shillelagh Man would’ve been 10 times cooler.

#5. DAZZLER
Secret identity: Alison Blaire
Origin: Using her hush-hush abilities, Dazzler became a famous disco singer, but the mirrored ball stopped turning when a boyfriend persuaded her to reveal to the world that she was a despised mutant. Typical.
Power: She can convert sound into brilliant displays of light and color. “Ooh!” “Aah!”
Why so lame: OK, you’re a hardened crook, and what’s that in the distance? A shining chick in a silver jumpsuit on roller skates zooming to irritate your corneas! Dazzler should have gone down with the disco ship. Fun fact: Is the only hero ever to have been spotted at Studio 54.

#4. MATTER-EATER LAD
Secret identity: Tenzil Kem
Origin: Matter-Eater Lad was born on the toxic planet Bismoll (no word on its companion star Pepto), where the locals evolved superguts that enabled them to eat any substance—even British food. Was allowed to join the Legion of Super-Heroes, who will apparently take just about anybody.
Power: Can consume any matter—animal, vegetable, or mineral. Is a big hit with the ladies.
Why so lame: Let’s say Matter-Eater Lad was trapped in a steel-reinforced concrete vault. He could eat his way out of it. But those bowel movements…

#3. DOCTOR STRANGE
Secret identity: Stephen Strange
Origin: After a car accident impaired his abilities as a surgeon, Stephen Strange moved to N.Y.C.’s fabulous West Village, hired an Asian manservant, and became a…sorcerer.
Power: He wears the fashionable “Eye of Agamotto” necklace that can do all sorts of plot-convenient things, like open up dimensional gateways. Also has a Swedish-porn-star mustache.
Why so lame: Dr. Strange is Dr. Ka-ray-zee! Looks like he’d be comfortable in a kimono, sipping a martini before asking you to play strip Jenga with the rest of the hepcat swingers.

#2. AQUAMAN
Secret identity: Arthur Curry
Origin: Aquaman was born to a mixed marriage: His father was an average Joe, and his mother was the deposed queen of an advanced underwater civilization. Devoted himself to crime fighting to avenge the death of his childhood sea monkeys or some shit. Currently playing comic relief for a number of different supergroups.
Power: He can breathe underwater, swim fast, and, best of all, communicate with fish. Plus, his fingers never, ever get wrinkly.
Why so lame: “I’m trapped in…frigging…tuna net again. Swordfish! Hear and obey! Stop laughing and cut me loose!”

#1. ROBIN
Status: Sidekick
Secret identity: Dick Grayson
Origin: Dick watched helplessly as his circus acrobat parents got whacked by some Gotham City gangsters. (Hey, we just figured out why!) Adopted by Bruce Wayne/Batman and vowing revenge, he became the fearsome, um, Boy Wonder. Evil—snicker—better beware!
Power: He can swing from ropes, ride shotgun, tidy up the living room, and peek out from behind Batman’s cape.
Why so lame: Robin isn’t just lame—he’s hands-down the most embarrassing, useless, and completely ridiculous superhero ever. No powers, a femmy nickname, a figure-skater costume, and no actual responsibilities of his own. Why he wasn’t super-wedgied a long time ago is beyond us.

Hey, Darkman is cool. At least Raimi's movie series on him is...
Daredevil. I guess I'm the only one who liked the concept of a blind super hero... 🙁

http://www.geocities.com/marvel_villains/oops.html
http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/spideyvillains.htm

Daredevil is quite possibly a great superhero! Credit to Stan the Man, who would think of a blind hero? Daredevil owns! The Invisible Woman, um....just Jessica Alba!

I saw that list on a site before. Some i actually agree but others....its more a matter of opinion than anything else.

True, it's matter of opinion. But, on a lot of that, you can easily tell whoever put most of that together doesn't know jack sh*t about most of those characters.😂

true and the only lame Robin was the second one 😄

I disagree with most of the list, and Robin is not lame.

I think matter eater lad, hour man, she ra are the only truly lame, I mean Firestar can rearrange non living objects he's a god!! why isn't Jubilee on this list...is she so lame she didn't make the list?

I will cancel my Maxim membership thanks to that list.

Originally posted by Sentry
I will cancel my Maxim membership thanks to that list.

Aquaman was lame...but he should be on the "was lame but now pretty cool list"

you wanna know who's really lame.....the guys who made this list.

These guys don't know a shit about anything...they've listed Daredevil, Silver Surfer, Flash, Invisible Woman, Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, Doctor Strange, Aquaman, Superman, Thor and Green Latern who are one of the greatest heroes ever. What a bunch of idiots.

If they would have listed Namor, their heads would be resting on my table now. 😠

lame heroes......Jubilee, Sammy the fish boy, Squirrel girl, doorman, most of their list was bullsh*t!

Originally posted by Tron
True, it's matter of opinion. But, on a lot of that, you can easily tell whoever put most of that together doesn't know jack sh*t about most of those characters.😂

yup... another great article by the people at Maxim..... i say we all send them 100 e-mails that simply say "DO SOME RESEARCH YOU DUMB F**KS"

or maybe something less offensive

🙂

That was 30 😐