A story....by Dan The Man.....
I recently purchased a brick from Artie's Bricks and More. I used the brick for good, instead of evil. I hit my neighbor's grandmother in the back with it while she was showering in a rain storm. She fell face first in a puddle of water and drown. So technically, I killed no one. I then continued on down the street. I saw some children about to cross the street. "Stop!" I shouted. I ran up to assist the children. "You kids can't cross at this crosswalk, it is too dangerous. Instead, why don't you cross at that busy intersection?" I pointed the children in the direction of the intersection and they were on their way. I then traveled to the nearest grocer's freezer and picked myself up a dish of potato salad. I unwrapped it, and placed my testicals into the dish to accompany the potatoes. An old woman asked me what I thought I was doing, and I replied, "Well I thought i was resting my sack in some potato salad, but now it looks like I'm murdering an old whore with a block of ice." I then smacked the old lady acrossed the face with a gallon of milk, lifted the ice block high, and threw it at the back of her head. The old lady was destroyed. Cashiers from lane 1, 2, and 3 tried to stop me, but I killed them all with some sharpened frozen yogurt....."I havent had bundt cake in 17 years."