Duke Nukem vs Lara Croft

Started by Onikirimaru3 pages

You know, its a bit funny, talkin bout Duke and Lara, in Shadow Warrior, another 3d realms game in the same vein as Duke, Lo Wang comes across Lara chained to a wall in tattered clothes in the back of some caves. He makes a wise crack.

What was that wise crack?

He said, "Ha ha, you raid last tomb. Ha Ha" He speaks in a extremely bad asian accent, he sounds like Mr Myagi kinda. Admittly, this wise crack is uncharacteristaclly lame.

Its too bad, Shadow Warrior caught alot of heat from racism groups because they thought he represented asians poorly or something like that. The game was great, kind of a spiritual sequal to Duke. Thats a big reason why you dont see anymore of those games with that character. Sad thing was, it really didnt make fun of Asians or anything, he was about as racist a character as Mr Myagi, he was lewd and stuff, like Duke, but was a ninja and spoke with an accent. He even had a rap song at the end of his game, now thats cool. Anyway, enough about Lo Wang.

Ok, not enough, one more thing. Lo Wang beat the rabit from Monty Python's Holy Grail. You know, the one that kills people. Yeah, Lo Wang had to take it out. Now THAT is a feat you can take to a debate.

lol, yea I miss games like duke, it had so much spirit.

new shooters might as well have a robot for a character...

Serious Sam at least tried, and the game had some good points, but Sam came off as a Duke knock off. They didnt try to invent someone knew, like Lo Wang. Lo Wang still had the tough hero with one liners, yet was a entire different character from Duke, were as Sam is pretty much Duke. Though, in my book, thats not too much of a bad thing.

Im sure eventually we will see the fabled Duke Nukem Forever, or whatever it was called when it was last rumored. Someone will cash in on the nostalgia factor, like Doom3 did, and a slew of other remade games.

has anyone ever played postal? or postal 2 running with sissors? now theres a game that hates everyone the same.... Wrong on so many levels yet its soo much fun kicking cats...

Never played postal, they have another one right?

Duke should be on next gen.

Has anyone played killzone?

I played a little Killzone. Didnt like it.

theres just too much thats policticaly incorrect about postal to start. but anything thats badass about duke, postal guy has it in spades..... most of the time your just killing people for fun!

yep!

Duke Nukem

M-80 Pulse Blaster: It can hold 280
shots

CLAW-12 Shotgun: is one of the better shotguns.
It can take out a Lizard with one shot(usually two for an armored Captain)

Sawed-off Shotgun: At close range it does quite well but the farther back you
get, the wider the ammo spread

Peacekeeper .45: A fairly strong gun. It needs to be reloaded after every six
shots.

Special: Magnum rounds. These rounds are incredibly powerful and can kill most
enemies with one shot.

Lever-action .30-.30 Rifle: A mildly slow-loading weapon, the .30-.30 does
quite a good bit of damage at even the longest
of ranges.

MP-10 SMG: A machine gun that runs out of ammo fast but can kill most enemies

Gatling Gun: Slow fire rate is more than made up by its ability to do serious
damage in a short time.

AGL-9 Grenade and Radium Cyanide Launcher: The grenade launcher is best used
for blowing up enemies that are from a distance to you.

Pipebombs: A very useful weapon for when you know an enemy will show up at the
location you drop a bomb at

Dynamite: A stick of dynamite. It has a short fuse time so it's best used on
long distances.

Bomb: A small, round bomb...kind of cartoonish in appearance. It has a short
time delay fuse. Just light it and throw.

Alien Freeze-Thrower: A bizarre alien weapon which freezes anything it hits.
Once frozen, the intense cold causes the
target to shatter into icy shards.

Alien Gamma Cannon: This bulky laser weapon utilizes strange alien crystalline
technology to deliver searing laser blasts.
Pulling the trigger on this weapon results in a barrage of reflectice laser
bolts, spraying fire over a wide area. Even the
high-capacity, power patch fitted cannot sustain this rate of fire for long,
but while working it is a fearsome weapon.

Volt Cannon: Inspired by the work of several Victorian scientists, and eager to
fight the bizarre creature now stalking the
streets of London, a brilliant inventor has produced the Volt Cannon. A bulky
and noisy weapon, it harnesses a large
number of Voltaic Cells to create large voltages which can be discharged at
enemies, frying them in a barrage of raw
electrical power.

Havoc Multi-Launcher: A cluster of mini-missile tubes fitted with the latest in
smart targeting technology and a convenient
carrying handle. The Multi-Launcher fires small missiles with armor-piercing
explosive warheads, each one capable of
destroying all but the toughest opponents. Each trigger pull unleashes three
mini-missiles, and the targeting system
automatically guides these for optimum results. Faced with a number of
enemies, the mini-missiles spread out to hit as many
targets as possible, while all three projectiles will be targeted as one
against a single opponent.

CTX-2000 Tripbomb: A powerful anti-personnel charge Duke deploys on walls. The
CTX-2000 creates a laser tripwire directly
in front of itself, and detonates when anything breaks the laser beam.

BMF Thunderstike: Designed by the Earth Defense Force to combat the alien
menace, this is another weapon utilizing alien
technology. The BMF is a phased particle pulse cannon which fires blasts of
transmagnetic forces capable of obliterating
whole crows of enemies.

Unreal 2

Dispersion Pistol: While the Dispersion Pistol is a fine weapon for a law
enforcement officer, it was not designed for military use and is not
effective in high-intensity combat. Us it only as a last resort.”

Primary Fire: “A fairly low-power, slow moving quantum energy pulse.”

Alt Fire: “A pulse with a higher energy level. The weapon charges up
over time, stores the charge in the capacitor, and releases a higher-
power blast.”

CAR: The CAR is the standard infantry weapon for the Terran Military
grunt. Very effective overall, you can hose down an area using the
primary fire mode or deliver a lethal single punch with alternate
fire.”

Primary Fire: “Very high rate of automatic fire.”

Alt Fire: “A cluster of 5 shards packed together to form a single,
slower moving slug. The slug will break apart on impact, allowing you
to bounce the shards of walls and around corners.”

Grenade Launcher: The Grenade Launcher is an amazingly versatile and effective
piece of military hardware, perhaps the best all around portable weapon
in the Terran arsenal.”

Primary Fire: “Tapping the primary fire lobs out a grenade that
explodes on contact. Holding down the Primary Fire button engages the
timing mechanism so the grenades do not explode until a few seconds
have passed.”

Alt Fire: “Switches to the next grenade type if you have any in your
inventory. In an XMP game the Alt Fire control releases a second type
of grenade.”

1. Fragmentation: “Enormous explosive power and needle sharp carbon
steel fragments. Absolutely lethal in close quarters.”

2. Toxic gas: “Sprays a cloud of neurotoxin gas that is so caustic it
eats through metal armor.”

3. Incendiary: “Sprays burning phosphorus that sets almost anything on
fire.”

4. Smoke: “Lays down a smokescreen to help you escape from enemies.”

5. Concussion: “Sends out a shockwave that will knock out most
enemies.”

6 “Massive electro-magnetic pulse that will instantly disable
almost any electrical system.”

Shotgun

Primary Fire: “A single shell containing 16 pellets.”

Alt Fire: “Incendiary slugs with a wider spread and shorter range.”

Flamethrower

Primary Fire: “A jet of flaming gas”

Alt Fire: “A spray of unignited napalm that will stick to almost any
surface, and which can be ignited by several of your other weapons.”

Magnum

Primary Fire: “A standard single shot. Very accurate and powerful.”

Alt Fire: “A three-round burst with an even bigger punch.”

Rocket Launcher

Primary Fire: “Four missiles bound together as one rocket.”

Alt Fire: “Releases the four component parts of a rocket as individual
missiles. They are unstable in flight and hence are called drunken
missiles.”

Sniper Rifle

Primary Fire: “Fires a single shot.”

Secondary Fire: “Toggles the scope on and off.”

Energy Rifle

Primary Fire: “ Generates two fast moving plasma bolts that do
relatively small amounts of damage. The rate of fire is very high
allowing you to put many bursts into a target into a short period of
time.”

Alt Fire: “An EMP (Electric Magnetic Pulse) burst that detonates on
impact. The EMP burst is particularly effective against machinery.”

Singularity Cannon: it fires a mini black/green hole which sucks anything within a
certain radius into it. This instantly kills anything that gets sucked in.

Quake 3

Gauntlet: Extremely powerful weapon. Dealing 50 damage for each swipe. However... it can
only do anything at close range.

Machine Gun

Shotgun

Rocket Launcher

Lightning Gun

Plasma Gun

Grenade Launcher

Rail Gun

BFG10K

Doom 2

Fist: You'll forget it in the 3 level(DoOm I) or in the first one(DoOm II).
This sucks. However, if you manage to find a Berserker sphere, then it
should be automatic to select it, and you'll do a hell of damage(Zombiemen
will blow up

Chainsaw

Pistol

Shotgun

Super Shotgun

Chaingun

Rocket Launcher

Plasma Cannon

The BFG9000

Serious Sam

Shofield .45 w/TMAR

Military Knife

12 Gauge Pump Action Shotgun

M1-A2 Thompson Submachine Gun

XPML21 Rocket Launcher

Double Barrel Coach Gun

MKIII Grenade Launcher

XL2 Lasergun

XM214-A Minigun

SBC Cannon

Serious Bomb

Good god...

"I'm an ass kicker, not an a aviator." Duke said this in Zero Hour. Just wanted to say this.

I like...

"Its locked. And I'm an asskicker, not a safecracker!!!"

Lara would win

She's got the looks. Duke, as all straight men are, is a sucker for babe's. I know i would. Lara wins because she's a woman. (Supposedly the inferior one)

Duke Instant PWN lara!!!

Originally posted by Tha C-Master
I like...

"Its locked. And I'm an asskicker, not a safecracker!!!"


😂

I now use "eat" as a "owned/pwned/pwnt" word so Duke eats Lara

Duke nukem? omglol1

Originally posted by Spelljammer
Yes, more likely the two do a horrible pornography video rather then fight. But I could see a plot where they fight..

For one, Lara Croft doesn't take kindly to Duke Nukem treating her like a peice of meat.

Secondly, both Lara and Duke Nukem are in search for the same cosmic item. (Perhaps the cosmic cube?) Where Lara will swim, tumble, climb, and decipher hiroglyphics to find it, Duke will simply shoot anything with two or more legs and grunt alot hoping someone will turn it up. One alien tells both that it's inside one of thier bodies because they knew they could hide it there and no-one would find it. Lara gets it out of the alien by diplomacy and the alien learns to sympathize for infirior beings, Duke threatens to kick his ass and chew bubblegum, and he's all out of gum..

The two square off, Duke uses alien technology he finds along the way, and alot of top secret weapons even the CIA scratches thier head at, but Croft has martial arts to help her avoid ceartain defeat, and has the best tools money can buy. But despite her skill and her money, we have seen in-game she can easily be killed by a gang of thugs or a grizzly bear. Nukem's massive amount of testerone is too much for Croft to handle. And he brings her dead corpse to the secret goverment base to extract the cosmic cube. (We won't ask how the semen got in there..) and come to find out, there is no cosmic cube in there and it had to be in Duke Nukem. The aliens were smart and new to put it in the ape-man who would not only kill the only other decent threat, but be idiotic enough to walk around till time was up. Duke Nukem says "Oh sh--" and is cut off by a massive implosion of the universe. The alien terrorists win. And Duke Nukem 64's music plays as it all rolls the credits..

The semen part sucked.

lara would seduce the mofo then poision him after they have sex i mean come on that would be a good way to die after f*kin her id die a happy man