The Red Ruby
Read this extract of a story I am writing at the moment and tell me what you think about it.
THE RED RUBY BY Scarecrow 756
CHAPTER 1: THE MIDNIGHT ATTACK
It was 10.00 at night and a very late time for some. But for one man named Max Dueller it was an early, and his working time. He was the owner of one of the first and best casino in London. At this time of the night Max was getting the Casino ready for its midnight opening. Loads of people from different classes came from far and wide to visit this casino. Max was a nice, friendly man on the outside but on the inside he really was a competitive, sharp and hardworking man. His casino had the best security in the biss. It was not just money and huge fortune he guarded but also one of the most world rarest Ruby’s. There were only three of these Ruby’s in the world, one he owned, the second was in the most top Les Veges casinos in America and the third was in the hands of the American President. Tonight Max was just expecting a quiet night in his casino, one or two odd drunks trying to kill someone. But no tonight was going to be a life changing night for him and casino. At exactly 12.00 midnight he turned on his lights for his casino and many people coming in. now the first 10 mins ran smoothly and everything was normal. But then at 12.10 intruders entered through all the floors of the giant casino. Max Dueller was of course on the top floor watching the cameras of all the floors. But then all the cameras to all floors got knocked out. Then Max called for back up to deal with these intruders and his right hand man Carver Docks got two shotguns from Max’s personal safe and then went to deal with these intruders. Max and Carver had managed to fight their way through the ten floors and were now on the ground floor of the casino. When Carver and Max got the ground floor the stir they had came from was filled with bodies, some had their eyes taken out as well tongues. Who ever these intruders were they were brutal. Now guns in hand Max and Carver made their way through various doors, lights had gone out bodies piling up, and it had only been ten minutes since the cameras went.