The 2,000,000th post game

Monica: My motto is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.

Chandler: [to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey's Apple.
Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.

woo!

[Monica knocks]
Chandler: You can't come in.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her I was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does anyone have to be naked?

Originally posted by BakaXero
woo!

Joey: And you call yourself an accountant?
Chandler: ...No.

Originally posted by Sanctuary
wave

Joey: And you call yourself an accountant?
Chandler: ...No.

[Chandler's key broke in Monica's door]
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: I love you too.
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now?
Monica: Um... no?
Chandler: Uh... yeah, yeah, me neither.

Monica: Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel: So cute I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.

Rachel: Finally. I get to see what Joey Tribianni is like on a date. So, you got any moves?
Joey: No. I'm just myself, and if the girl doesn't like that then-
[breaks down laughing]
Joey: I'm sorry, I couldn't even get through that.

Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.
Ross: Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.

Originally posted by BakaXero
wave

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
[everyone stares at Chandler]
Chandler: ... Did I say that out loud?

Joey: Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact "homo sapiens", could that be why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey! I'm not judging here.

[Rachel complaining about her father]
Rachel: Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady".
Chandler: Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that.

Susie: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
Chandler: Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it.

Rachel: See? Unisex.
Joey: Maybe *you* need sex. I just had it a few days ago.
Rachel: No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.
Joey: I wouldn't say no to that.

Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.

Dizzy,

I know you want whats on my mind
I know you like whats on my mind
I know it eats you up inside
I know, you know, you know, you know
jam

Tummy ache nuts