Shorter Batman: I Am Suicide
Batman: I’m going to form my own Suicide Squad to fight Bane and arrest Psycho Pirate. And I’m doing all of my recruiting here in Arkham.
Arkam Director: Well given our reputation is on the line… I’ll allow it.
Batman: I’ll take these guys…
Arnold Wesker: I’m alive in this continuity? Sweet!
Bronze Tiger: Three Suicide Squad re-launches, a animated movie, and a live action film and NO-ONE has used me in six years until now? REALLY!
Punch: Hi there, Jewelee and I are what people who design Joker/Harley Quinn merchandise for Hot Topic think the Joker and Harley Quinn are actually like.
Jewelee: That’s right puddin!
Arkham Director: Wait wouldn’t you want one of our more… super-powered criminals. I could loan you Killer Croc, or Clayface…
Batman: No these will do. Also I need Catwoman.
Arkham Director: No not her… anyone but her. She murdered like 237 people…
Catwoman: That’s right. I totally murded 237 terrorists! I’m like the Punisher now… a sexy, sexy Punisher!
Superfriends Narrator: Later at Santa Prisca…
Bane: So as you can see with Pyscho Pirate’s help I’ve kicked my venom addition and I have now turned Santa Prisca into a functioning micro nation. I mean check out this tropical paradise. I mean look at this room I repainted and added some some new curtains next to my skull throne.
Batman: Give my Pyscho Pirate or I break your back… and I demand you wear some pants!
Bane: No man forces Bane to wear pants!
Batman: Put on some pants, turn him over I go away. Refuse to turn him over or remain naked and I break your back!
Bane: I don’t wana! Now go away you’re ruining Mimosa Monday…
Catwoman: Surprise! I’ve double-crossed everyone!
Bane: Ha ha! Never again shall I wear pants!
Catwoman: Actually I was pretending to double-cross everyone. Fingers crossed!
Bane: How could I have not seen this coming.
Batman: Now Ventriloquist do that thing we planned on.
Wesker: You mean this? *punches Pyscho Pirate*
Batman: Yes clearly only you could have done that.
Bronze Tiger: Awwww… c’mon. Punching people is like my whole thing…
Superfriends Narrator: Later back in Gotham…
Catwoman: So it turns out I actually didn’t kill 237 terrorists… I was taking the heat for a friend.
Holly Robinson: That’s right I was the super deadly mass murder of terrorists the whole time… I’m like the Punisher now. A sexy, lesbian Punisher!
Batman: Wait… but you’re a beloved supporting character from the Brubaker/Cooke Catwoman run?! That… that… that’s so New 52.