Read This And Rate!!!!

Started by hpfanatic1234562 pagesPoll

How is this story?

Read This And Rate!!!!

First of all, anyone who doesnt like fictional stories, get out now!!!

Okay everybody who doesnt want to be here, are you gone? Good.

This is a story i sometimes write in my spare time and i was wondering if any of u would like to read it. i'd like tips, suggestions and constructive critiscim. PLEASE DO NOT JUST DOWNRIGHT DISS THE STORY, i need to know exactly what is wrong with it, or what i did good.
yes i know my sn is hpfanatic, but this is not related to harry potter at all. so read rate, and help me out!!!

this gonna get closed

The Eleventh Sense: Dark Secrets

Prologue:

Charles kneaded his weary eyes with his aching knuckles. With a cry of frustration he pounded his fist against the cedar wood desk until his fist was numb. Four sleepless nights of fruitless searching can do that to a person. He gained control of himself again, cracked his fingers and took a long sip of crystal clear water. Charles then buried his head inside his arms. I need to sleep, he thought, and mussed his light brown hair. Just a quick nap…
BANG! BANG! BANG! A loud rap on the door interrupted the silence in the room. A girl of about seventeen stormed in. It was Charles’ two years older sister, Erin. She had her raven black hair tucked into a sleek ponytail and her honey-golden eyes that matched his, glared around the room. Her porcelain skin was flushed with excitement.
“I found the right information! We just need you to analyze it,” Erin exclaimed, clutching a sheet of paper and waving it in his face.
“No Erin, I haven’t slept in four days! Just let me get some rest…” Charles wearily closed his eyes.
“NO! Charles we need you to be your computer geek- I mean genius- self right now. This is probably it! Please Charles, we, I need you!” Erin pleaded. This surprised Charles because Erin never pleaded with anyone, especially her two years younger brother.
“Fine,” he grumbled, and snatched the piece of paper from her hand.
He read the paper in one minute and thirty-three seconds. Charles eyes widened and his hands shook as he spoke. “Get Drew.”
“But- but- shouldn’t we wait for Sam and Nichole?” Erin stuttered.
“No. This information not only gave us the whereabouts of Jake and Adriana, but the whereabouts of Jennifer and-”
“Shhh. Not now. If we are going to capture the other three by ourselves, we have to go soon, before she finds out. I’ll get Drew.

why?

RP section. This should be in the General Fiction Forum.

(has no permission)

sry im new at this, y would it get closed? ppl do this all the time from wht i read and this is generally fiction so i dont get yd they close it down

how do u get permission?

oh ok im sry ill change it

(AND UR TRIPLE POSTING)

huh? ok now im really confused, idk about any of this.... and isnt this the general fiction forum???? 😕

no it isn't u might get banned

**panics** how do i delete the thread then?

Oh, this happens all the time. Don't worry, if you accidently posted it in the wrong forum, then Ush won't get pissed. You can't delete threads, but Ush will close it.

(u can't)

could someone tell me how to delete the thread and put it in the right place, i just joined a week ago and i dont wanna get banned...

oh... great...

(only the mods can delete it)

how do i tell them to delete it, or do i just wait for them?

thx espio