The Eleventh Sense: Dark Secrets
You may have read my last attempt at this story, and honestly, it was pathetic. 🙁 but now i'm trying again, this time paying attention to what people actually sound like. Please help me with constructive critiscsim, though if it is horrible and i should throw it off of a cliff, you might want to tell me. Also, this is a fantasy with a bit of sci/fi story, so if you don't like fantasy, i suggest you get out 😛 Well, here I am, trying again, hope you like.
Prologue:
Charles kneaded his weary eyes with his aching knuckles. With a cry of frustration he pounded his fist against the cedar wood desk until his fist was numb. Four sleepless nights of fruitless searching can do that to a person. He gained control of himself again, cracked his fingers and took a long sip of crystal clear water. Charles then buried his head inside his arms. I need to sleep, he thought, and mussed his light brown hair. Just a quick nap…
BANG! BANG! BANG! A loud rap on the door interrupted the silence in the room. A girl of about seventeen stormed in. It was Charles’ two years older sister, Erin. She had her raven black hair tucked into a sleek ponytail and her honey-golden eyes that matched his, glared around the room. Her porcelain skin was flushed with excitement.
“I found it! I found it! The place where they’re at! We just need you to look at it, and make sure it’s right,” Erin exclaimed breathlessly, clutching a sheet of paper and waving it in his face.
“No Erin, I haven’t slept in four days! Just let me get some rest…” Charles wearily closed his eyes.
“NO! Charles we need you right now. This is probably it! Please Charles, we, I need you!” Erin pleaded. This surprised Charles because Erin never pleaded with anyone, especially her two years younger brother.
“Fine,” he grumbled, and like a computer-geek would, snatched the piece of paper from her hand.
He read the paper at lightening speed. Charles eyes widened and his hands shook as he spoke. “Get Drew.”
“But shouldn’t we wait for Sam and Nichole?” Erin stuttered.
“No. This information not only gave us where Jake and Adriana are, but where Jennifer and-” Charles was interrupted.
“Shhh. Not now. If we are going to capture the other three by ourselves, we have to go soon, before she finds out. I’ll get Drew. You find out exactly where they’ll be.” Erin instructed.
“I’m on it,” Charles announced, much more awake, and began to type.
Drew strode in with Erin a few moments later. Drew was Erin’s twin brother, so he was also seventeen. Like every other sibling in his family he too had golden eyes, though his were dark and intimidating in a freeze-your-heart sort of way. His coal black hair was sort of short and windswept. One look of him in a bad mood and you’d be running in the other direction. Now however, he appeared smug and confident.
“I’ll go get Jake and Adriana,” Drew offered with a grin on his face. Erin rolled her eyes in disgust.
“Fine,” she replied resentfully.
“I’ll be off then,” Drew told them with a dramatic wave, “Get the room ready while I’m gone.”
And with a smirk on his face he summoned a swirling blue and black portal of some sort and vanished.
“Show off,” Erin muttered, and left to prepare the room.
* * *
That's the end of the prologue, hope you like it! Comment if you want me to keep going. Chapter one is next. 💃 💃
Chapter One: Capture
A scream ripped from my throat, echoing throughout the house, icy beads of sweat poured down my brow, and I thrashed wildly, entangled in the bedcovers. They’re coming to get me. The thought ricocheted in my mind like the tiny white ball in a pinball machine until every particle in my body filled with dread. Then, a second thought came to me.
“Just a dream,” I murmured to myself over and over again, “Just a dream.”
I cradled my head inside my hands, pressing the palms against my eyelids, blurred colors and a cool darkness filling me. This was what always happened before… anger, uncontrollable, unfathomable, out of nowhere anger, until fresh shrieks let forth, though muffled by the pillow I stuffed my face into. My shoulders heaved up and down and my breathing slowed. The anger had stopped. Whether the dream was just a dream, and the anger just a hallucination, I needed to be with people and escape from my thoughts. I kicked my pale legs over the side of the bed and shuffled down the stairs towards the buzz of TV voices; my parents still awake.
Eyes half-closed, adjusting to the light, I nearly rammed into my brother, Jake, who was headed downstairs as well. He flashed me a knowing look and continued down. Jake and I always had the same kind of dreams, and the odd thing was that they were always at the same time. Finally my thoughts caught up with my feet and I stood in front of my parents as they gazed expectantly, as if waiting for an explanation for why I was down here. When I didn’t give one my mom spoke.
“Bad dream, Adriana?” she asked hazel eyes sweeping me with concern.
My brother interrupted. “I’m going for a drive!” He declared, swinging car keys on the tip of his finger. Ever since he had turned sixteen, which had been about two weeks ago, he took the car for a drive as often as possible, even if it was one o’clock on a summer night.
“Get in here right now! You can’t go for a drive this late? Right John?” She glanced at my dad for support.
“Um… well, I guess if he-” my dad was severely cut off by my mom.
“RIGHT John?”
“Oh c’mon…” Jake tossed the keys down angrily, strode into the living room, and brooded in a chair in the corner.
After a while of staring mindlessly at the TV, we went back upstairs. Maybe my dream was just a dream and nothing was going to happen after all. Inside, a tiny part wished that something, anything exciting had happened, but as always, my wishes were ignored as I turned over and fell into a dreamless sleep.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! As my hand touched down on the snooze button, the first thought I had was how much I hated the alarm clock. The second mingled with butterflies in my stomach at the thought of a place where I never fit in.
I pulled on a light blue t-shirt and some ripped jeans, brushing back light brown hair and rimming my hazel-green eyes in black eyeliner. My friend’s voice rang through my head as I dabbed on some lip-gloss; I don’t even get why you bother, no one notices losers like us.
“Because I’m going to try,” I whispered, “Because I’m going to try.”
Tears blurred my vision as I snatched a piece of toast, slung my backpack over my shoulder, and boarded the bus that led me to a hell people called school.
* * *
That was part one of chapter one, im going to divide chapters into 3, 4, or 5 parts because they are about real length. please comment or criticsize, or else! muahaha 😈 😛