EU issues and complaints thread:

I've decided to open a thread devoted to basically spewing your venom or perhaps just mind distaste at stuff in the EU that you think was

* OOC
* Just plain ridiculous
* Taking focus off the Original Heroes
* Blatantly unoriginal use of them
* A dumb decission
* Unstarwarsy

Add infintum

This is a thread where you can vent your frustrations about everything from Mara the Shameless Hussy to Callista the Brain Sucking Nutter. Everyone will have hated something you love don't worry but here you can speak freely.

Also included as part of this thread will be "Continuity Spackle" requests where we Star Wars fans make requests in this threads to try and come up with an in-universe explanation for the worst mischaracterizations and erroneous failures of logic in the GFFA.

Carry on Folks!

My first issues:
Characterization....it tends to jump all over the place. In Dark Empire, Luke is dark and broody....in Thrawn trilogy, he's upbeat and outgoing. Jacen? He starts off as a fun joke teller, now he's a dark introvert. Jaina's done 180s....Mara? Don't get into her.
Mara Jade hates Luke Skywalker because she's a former diet joke Dark Jedi trained Assassin (I say Diet Coke evil because Jerec exudes evil and can rock worlds, Mara presumably exuded cultish behavior and can move pencils). She gets over it.

Han the drunk, Han the womanizer, Han the fat family man, Han the Robot Messiah (I made the last one up but you blinked for a second)

Really irritating 'We can top THIS syndrome" Forget about Vader, we have the EMPEROR'S HANDS! Palpatine? Look at these guys from the past! Luke? He wasn't so special, the order's been revived countless times. Vader live enslaved to the Dark Side syndrome? Look at EVERYONE and their mother who flirts with it and comes back!

Massively uneven timelimes: Sooo....we retcon the Big Schism....but wait.....if the Sith empire is exterminated 5000 BBY, why is Freedon Nadd, four hundred years later, leaving a Sith Order because he's mad about the new Dark Lord still being young? *Head explodes*

Can we PICK A LEVEL ON VADER and stick with it?!
Palpatine: Vader, do kidnap your son?
Vader: I get to go in a STARSHIP?!?!

Anakin: Noone can kill a Jedi..../EXCEPT ME!/

At the same time, the Force is really used in ridiculous ways...Palp destroying a fleet? People eating planets? Stars exploding? Luca wanted it small scale for a REASON!

No Attempt to Fix the Discontinuity of the Chosen One Bit with the Sith

Say, Vader was the one who finally dragged Palpatine into the Dark Side because right now han is the Chosen One...and the Sith survived! HAN BRINGS BALANCE TO THE FORCE!

Kill Luminya!

Stop stereotyping races! Duros are pilots, You will never meet a non-thugh Aqualish or a nice Zeltron! Trandoshans are vicious beasts! Wookies are noble and honorable, Twi'leks are sly'n evil or heroic.

And lastly, I conclude with this 'EU story in sixty seconds' of Jedi Vs. Sith (Attributed to where need be by my good friend on TFN🙂

*children's limbs goes flying*
"Oh, it must be Bane. Yes, Lord Bane?"
"I AM THE TRUE AND ONLY SITH!"
"Uh huh, do you DO anything in this comic?"
"I look badass and corrupt a 8 year old."
"Go away."
"FOOLS! Muahahhahahaha!"
"Yes, go drink some poison."
"Sure."
"You're an idiot."
"But I didn't die so whose the REAL idiot?"
"Not the guy who kills 1000 Jedi. The guy who runs with his tail between his legs."
"Ha! Wait til my NEXT appearences where I put salad on my face and kill MORE children who can't put up a fight!"
"Suddenly Ludo Kressh actually has some dignity."

"TOMCAT!"
"Hi! I'm worse than the Gungans and Ken Palpatine! (Ever read the Glove of darth Vader books? Count yourself lucky....there IS a Ken Palpatine.)"
"YAY!"
"In the last glorious stand of the Jedi, I'm a deciding factor."
"No you're not."
"Okay, so maybe I am totally worthless. I think I'll go cut down another kid and steal the lightsaber of some dying jedi."
"I'm not dead yet."
"Shuddap old man."
"Wow, I actually long for Gav and Jori Daragon as dignified additions to a titanic storyline."

"BREATHE fellow Jedi! We fight for glorious Scotl...Odi...err the Republic!"
"FREEEDDDDOOOM!"
"Why are we fighting solely as Jedi?"
"Who cares Lord Hoth!"
"When did Jedi become Lords?"
"And why are we fighting a fricking GROUND battle against the Sith?"
"On one planet?"
"WHO CARES! Pour out the ale and we die as Vikings!"

"Cooshballs!"

"How did the Jedi vs. Sith war start?"
"Who cares!"
"Why is the technology even worse than the lowest point of the Republic?"
"Doesn't matter."
"Where did all these Sith come from?"
"Who do you take me for? Kevin J. anderson? I don't think up things like that!"

Bane: Well...it appears I'm dead...
Marka: Welcome to the Dark Side
Bane: This is reserved for true Sith Lords? Seems rather...sparse...
Marka: Well, I'll be the first to admit the Sith aren't really batting a hundred....the others are over there...

Sion: BRAAAAINS! BRAAAAAAAINS!
Nihilius: GJNSNISLSKNSJSJKS<SKSK!!!!
Traya: You are a Jedi!....pay no attention to my evil cackling...
Ludo: But....But I should be the Dark Lord....Naga Sadow is so mean!
Naga: We will avenge our Sithy righteousness upon the evil of the Republic!
Simus: How do I manage to talk?
Kaan: KIIIIIIIIIIRK!
Bandon: Sidious is INSidious...Vader will INvade all you hold dear...Maul will MAUL you!....but I am Darth Bandon and I will ABANDON YOU! FEAR MY GOATEE!!!
Ulic: MY FORCE PENIS IS BIGGER THAN EXAR KUN'S!

Nice topic. I am actually a member of GFAQS as well. Good to know you are taking the fight to fanboys on mulitple fronts 🙂

My biggest annoyance is KOTOR fanboys. How the hell can we know how strong Revan, Exile, Kreia, Sion etc are when the user ?PICKS THIER DAMN POWERS! I am a fanboy of Sidious, Yoda but at least thier powers are defined(if not by lucas then by the EU authors) but in 10 different games, Revan could master 10 different force powers? WTF

....................................What in the name of the Force was that?

if we have to kill revan in kotor 3 im not doing it i doint care if i waste my money i will not kill my lord revan he is the best sith of all time because he reminds me of me (best sith of all time in my opinion) and im not a bloody fanboy cause i also like plo koon OH AND BY THE WAY ANAKIN SKYWALKER SUCKS I HATE HIM SO MUCH HE IS A BRAT THAT IS SPOILED HES TOO SENSITIVE HE CANT CONTROL HIS EMOTIONS WHEN THINGS DONT GO HIS WAY HE AIS A TOTAL REJECT I HATE HIM HE IS THE MOST IDIOTIC PERSON OF ALL TIME FALLING FOR THE DS SOOOO EASILY HE IS A RETARD I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I AHTE HIM

im done going on and on about a guy i hate now 🙂

NJO Luke, DE Sidous Nihilus and Sion I can't stand those guys...

"Look at EVERYONE and their mother who flirts with it and comes back!"

Actually, this has always been the crutch point for me.

All the over-exaggeration, revived characters and power trumping is simply good old fashioned bad writing. Star Wars IS exaggerated, but they overdo it; characters returning and more powerful bad guys showing up are cheap shots but work well if handled well; they have never, ever been handled well in the EU and were simply used due to laziness- and I understand this carries on all the way into the NJO with Luke over-powering.

But the area that really gets to the heart of being wrong in a Star Wars sense is the way they tend to bugger up the whole story of falling to the Dark Side by continuing to have characters that fall to it and return (and worse, sometimes the better for it).

Anakin's story, and eventual redemption, was a one-off, unique, never happened before amazing fantastical end to a huge saga in the form of the films... which the EU reduces to an event that is merely uncommon at best, with people actively hoping that characters will be redeemed, as if that is actually ever meant as a possiblity.

It cheapens the entire concept of the Light and Dark Sider to do this; the menace of the Dark Side and the true horror that is falling to it gets eroded by this revolving door policy. It's the Sith that teach that evil and good are just viewpoints you can mess around with. Any Star Wars hero has to be way above that kind of cheap thinking.

It is also likely that various reinterpretations of the Force I have heard about in the NJO are also guility of similarly messing up something very important to the heart of Star Wars, but I haven't actually read any of it.

Look before you make threads like this please research everything this is the stupidest thread ever if you hate star wars so much why dont you just go to another forum that doesnt involve star wars.

LLLLOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR

Nicely constructive post there. What on Earth made you think we are not Star Wars fans?

Just about everyone in this forum has some issue with the EU, whether it is its general style, or the direction that the NJO took. It's a very common Star Wars issue, so I think it might be nice to engage your brain before posting.

not you the one who wrote this thread it seems that he thinks everything is wrong i dont thunk he understands all of it he making fun of it

You've obviously never read the VS forum...

Oh, I hardly hate it....I'm just pointing out the issues I have with it. That doesn't mean I hate or despise it...

Originally posted by Lightsnake
Sion: BRAAAAINS! BRAAAAAAAINS!
Nihilius: GJNSNISLSKNSJSJKS<SKSK!!!!
Traya: You are a Jedi!....pay no attention to my evil cackling...
Ludo: But....But I should be the Dark Lord....Naga Sadow is so mean!
Naga: We will avenge our Sithy righteousness upon the evil of the Republic!
Simus: How do I manage to talk?
Kaan: KIIIIIIIIIIRK!
Bandon: Sidious is INSidious...Vader will INvade all you hold dear...Maul will MAUL you!....but I am Darth Bandon and I will ABANDON YOU! FEAR MY GOATEE!!!
Ulic: MY FORCE PENIS IS BIGGER THAN EXAR KUN'S!

Attributed also to TFN:

Dark Lords of the Sith:

Satal and Aleema: We're rich and bored.

Other Keto children: Let's play with our parents' credit cards.

Satal and Aleema: We were thinking more along the lines of becoming Sith sorcerers.

Others: Oh, okay then.

*****

Parents: Tutor, why are the kids here?

Tutor: Blargh!

Parents: Yuck, eels.

Satal and Aleema: We're taking over now.

Mining guy: No, I'm pulling the alarm switch.

Alarm: *CHOMP*

Mining guy: IT ATE MY HAND! *falls over*

Parents: Right, that's it, you're all grounded. Guards, get 'em.

Guards: Snakes... why did it have to be snakes? *fall over*

Satal: I will now invent carbonite-as-art.

Audience: Actually, the movies did that.

Satal: What?! But Kun invents the double-bladed lightsaber next book.

Audience: Yes, but he did that before the prequels. Your stunt appeared in the original movies, so they get the credit.

Satal: Drat. I'm going to suck, aren't I?

Audience: Yep.

*****

Ulic: Look, ancient artifacts.

Freedon Nadd: Greetings, puny Jedi.

Ulic: But we kicked your butt!

Nadd: No, you suck. I'm here to tell you that you're going to suck slightly less, but that you'll be overshadowed by this other guy whose awesomeness we'll foreshadow in a minute.

Ulic: What? Lies!

Cay: Of course, my brother would never turn evil!

Ulic: No WAY I'm getting beaten out by some other punk who hasn't even been in a comic yet.

Cay: ...

*****

Holocron: Naga Sadow was evil and did bad things.

Exar Kun: BadASS things, you mean.

Master Vodo: Bad Exar! No Sith teachings for you!

Kun: Don't you realize that makes me even more curious?

Vodo: I'm a Jedi Master. Our entire GOAL is to turn our students to the Dark Side by being "wise", which is a secret Jedi Master code for "oblivious".

Kun: Okay then. Let's go watch me kick butt with my lightsaber.

*****

Crado: I suck!

Kun: Yep.

Sylvar: Stop beating up on my boyfriend!

Kun: You suck too. Also, I'm racist.

Author: Because he's a BAD PERSON.

Audience: Shh, there are lightsaber fights going on.

Author: Sigh.

Sylvar: Have a cool scar. *scratches face*

Kun: Ow! Okay, die.

Author: See? Bad person!

Audience: Shhhhh.

Vodo: Stop, Exar! Violence is not the way.

Kun: And you're going to show me this by kicking my butt?

Vodo: Yes.

Kun: Bring it.

Vodo: *brings it* What's up now?

Kun: ... uh... hey look, two lightsabers!

Audience: Ooooooooh.

Vodo: ... maybe I shouldn't fight with a stick. Also, you have issues.

Kun: Look at how cool I am with two lightsabers. I wonder if I can combine them...

*****

Jedi Master: Perhaps we should do something about these Krath sorcerers.

Other Jedi Master: But what about letting them follow their own path?

Jedi Master: They now control important mining facilities.

Other Jedi Master: Full-scale military invasion it is.

*****

Satal: The Republic doesn't like it when we take over profitable systems.

Aleema: I bet they like giant space monsters even LESS.

Fleet Captain: I *hate* giant space monsters.

Nomi: Wait! They're all fake!

Aleema: Aieeee!

Fleet Captain: Phew.

Various kamikaze fighters: Boom!

Ulic: Ow!

Nomi: ... oops?

*****

Kun: Can I look at artifacts?

Arca: No. You're turning to the dark side.

Kun: ... okay, you're worse than Vodo in terms of ratcheting up my curiousity.

Arca: That's why I'm the better Jedi Master. I'm going to be partly responsible for both you AND Ulic falling to the Dark Side. I get bonus points.

Kun: Alrighty then, I'll just get Freedon Nadd to guide me.

Arca: You do that.

*****

Naddists: Gimme an N! Gimme an A! Gimme a D! Gimme another D!

Crowd: If you want to convince us that we were better off under an evil tyrant, at least get some hot girls in skimpy clothing.

Kun: You're coming with me.

Naddists: Why?

Kun: I have a lightsaber.

Naddists: Righto.

*****

Beasts: *attempted chomp*

Kun: Remember? Lightsaber.

Tomb: *resists opening*

Kun: What part of this lightsaber thing don’t people understand?

Nadd: Welcome, future evil one!

Kun: I don’t admit that until the middle of the book.

Nadd: But you still think the Sith are cool, right?

Kun: Well, yeah.

Nadd: Have some scrolls.

Cultists: Gimme!

Kun: Good grief. Lightsaber.

*****

Kun: Wow, these are big tombs.

Nadd: Yes. You should go in that one.

Kun: Why?

Nadd: Skeleton pirates.

Kun: Right. Hey, this is pretty cool.

Nadd: And evil. Be evil. You know you want to.

Kun: Actually I think I’m going to leave now.

Nadd: How about I drop the ceiling on you instead?

Kun: … well, this sucks.

Nadd: Conveniently, the Dark Side is offering a complete healing of all broken bones and pulverized organs if you accept it. This is a limited-time offer only.

Kun: Master Vodo, do you have a counteroffer?

Vodo: Yes, Exar, right… oof! *is tripped by Freedon Nadd*

Kun: Master Vodo? Guess not. Dark side it is! OW!

Vodo: Crap. This won’t end well.

*****

Various Jedi Masters: We shouldn’t do anything.

Ulic: They have made a hole in my manly physique. Yes we should.

Kun, from across galaxy: OW!

Krath Assassin Droids: Varying sound effects.

Jedi: We have lightsabers!

Arca: I am, in fact, too cool to need a lightsaber. I will blow them up with the FORCE.

Jedi: Hey, that’s pretty neat.

Arca: Of course it is. I’m so cool I don’t even have to look behind me.

Droid: Blam.

Arca: Oops.

Ulic: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

*****

Kun: Hey, it worked. But I’m still not evil.

Nadd: Let me hear you say that without your lightsaber.

Kun: What? No! Gimme that!

Nadd: See? Evil.

Kun: No I’m not!

Nadd: I haven’t heard denial this unconvincing since Barry Bonds. Off to Yavin with you.

*****

Ulic: I’m going to infiltrate them FROM WITHIN.

Jedi Masters: Nobody has ever done that without becoming evil.

Ulic: So does this mean I can’t go?

Masters: Of course not. We would never prevent anyone from falling to the Dark Side.

Nomi: Please be safe.

Captain Subtext: Nomi is in love with you!

Ulic: I’m off to go hit on Krath babes.

Audience: Moron.

*****

Miners: Die, evil tyrants!

Aleema: Woe is me!

Ulic: Don’t worry, miss, I have a lightsaber.

Aleema: Hey, this guy’s a hunk.

*****

Satal: Here, Sith poison.

Ulic: Argh!

Aleema: Stop that, I want to sleep with him.

Satal: Hussy.

*****

Kun: Stupid jungles.

Massassi: Look, a sacrifice!

Kun: I have a lightsaber… hey! Ow!

Nadd: Sucker.

*****

Giant tentacled thing: *squeeze*

Kun: Well, this sucks.

Nadd: Now might be a good time to admit you’re evil.

Kun: Being squeezed to death is amazingly enlightening. *kills everything and is hailed by Massassi as a god* Hey, sweet.

Nadd: Finally! Sheesh. Now bring me back to life.

Kun: Why?

Nadd: I am your father.

Kun: That didn’t work on Luke Skywalker, and Darth Vader WAS his father. Die.

Nadd: Crap. Satal and Aleema, stop this guy! He’s a fake!

Audience: Actually, all the Dark Lords betray their masters to take over.

Nadd: CRAP. *dies*

*****

Nomi: Maybe I’ll go see how Ulic’s doing.

Captain Subtext: SHE’S IN LOVE WITH HIM.

Satal: We found this Jedi girl. Kill her.

Ulic: Dammit, Nomi, you’re not helping. Alright, I’ll do it.

Nomi: What?!

Ulic: By ‘it’ I meant ‘her’, sorry. *sleeps with Aleema*

Nomi: … that’s not much better.

*****

Guards: Come with us so you can be executed.

Nomi: Actually, I have a better idea. How about you guys kill each other instead?

Guards: Okay.

Nomi: Damn I love Battle Meditation. Now, to go find that moron and get him out of here…

Assassin: Die, Jedi!

Ulic: You, blaster. Me, lightsaber. When has this EVER gone in the favor of the guy with the blaster?

Assassin: Drat.

Aleema: Nice. Wanna come back to bed?

Ulic: Actually, I’m going to kill your brother.

Aleema: Okay, I’ll go back to sleep then.

Ulic: Die, Satal.

Satal: Haha! I have triggered the poison. You will now become evil.

Ulic: But you’re still dead.

Satal: I knew I was going to suck. *dies*

Nomi and friends: Ulic, let’s go!

Ulic: Sith poison make Hulk angry!

Nomi and friends: … whoa. Let’s go get backup.

*****

Kun: I do love temples. And statues. Statues are nice. Now, let’s see what Sadow hid down here… a ship! Jackpot. Oh, and crazy monster-making stuff.

*****

Nomi and Cay: We want to save Ulic from the Dark Side!

Jedi Masters: That is not our way.

Nomi and Cay: But we love him! Also, if we don’t, he’ll come back and make a lot of you dead.

Jedi Masters: Look, the rules say “No doing anything until they come back and start killing everyone”. So we refuse to act until then.

Nomi and Cay: That’s stupid. We’re leaving.

*****

Krath: We’re under attack!

Jedi: We have starfighters. Not as cool as ligthsabers, but they work.

Krath: We have anti-aircraft guns. Those NEVER work. Damn.

Aleema: Here, have a Sith amulet.

Ulic: Sith amulet and hot babe. Life is pretty sweet… wait, I’m not evil. Yeah. Infiltrating. S’right.

Nomi and Cay: We’ll save you, Ulic!

Aleema: Back off. This is MY man.

Nomi: Mine!

Male spectators: Catfight!

Ulic: What’s going on here?

Nomi: I love you, moron.

Ulic, after careful consideration: … Aleema’s hotter.

Cay: You’re my brother! Come back!

Ulic: How about I zap Nomi with my Sith amulet instead?

Nomi: … y’know what? Screw this guy. Maybe the Masters were right. I’ll deal with him when he starts killing people. Later, douchebag.

Cay: Noooo!

Ulic: Right, now that they’re gone, let’s get down and dirty.

Aleema: Evil and sexy wins every time.

Kun: Wrong.

Ulic: Hey! You blasted my girlfriend. Also, I’m not evil. I do have a lightsaber though.

Kun: Whaddaya know, so do I. Also, you sound like I did with the whole denial thing. Wow, I was stupid. Hey look, glowing amulets.

Sith Lord From Past: I now anoint you as Supreme Badasses One and Two.

Kun: Sweet.

Ulic: … yeah, that is pretty sweet. Screw it, I’m evil, let’s take over the galaxy.

Kun: Sounds like a plan.

I've mentioned before that I hate the Black Fleet Crisis...the stupid stories where luke falls in love with a computer bound, dead ghost of a long deceased, did I mention not alive, jedi named Callista.