a serious house on serious earth: "Well...this guy goes into the hospital, okay?...His wife's just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the doctor and says, 'Oh, doc, I've been so worried. How are they?' And the doctor smiles and says, 'They're fine. Just fine. Your wife delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form.....You're one lucky guy' So the guy rushed into the maternity ward with his flowers. But its empty. His wife's bed's empty. 'Doc?' he says and he turns around and the doctor and the nurses wave their arms and scream in his face...
'APRIL FOOL! YOU'RE WIFE'S DEAD AND THE BABY'S A SPASTIC!' Get it?"
Say what you want about The Dark Knight Returns but it has some nice Joker Quotes:
Talk Show Host Interviewing Joker: “Your said to have only killed about six hundred people Joker. Now don’t take this the wrong way but I think you’ve been holding out on us”
Joker: “I don’t keep count. I’m going to kill everyone in this room”
And later, while Joker is giving children poison cotton candy
Joker: “They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line the bodies head to tone on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dancer routine—and it would never be enough. No I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it.”
Mine is from The Killing Joke, immediately after Barbara Gorodn has been shot in the spine by Joker, and has crashed backwards onto a glass coffee table:
"Please don't worry. It's a psychological complaint. Common amongst ex-librarians. You see, she thinks she's a coffee table edition....Mind you I can't say much for the volumes condition. I mean, there's a hole in the jacket and the spine appears to be damaged. Frankly, she won't be walking off the shelves in that state of repair. In fact, the idea of her walking anywhere seems increasingly remote. But then, that's always a problem with softbacks. God, these literary discussions are SO dry!"