The Benefits of Shutting Up
An Essay
By Lord Magnus
If you have this essay in your hands and/or are reading it online, it has been given and/or posted to you by Lord Magnus or an associate. This means that you should shut up right about now. Shutting up is probably defined in the dictionary as something along the lines of slang: to be quiet and stop talking. Usually used in anger or annoyance. That’s right; anger or annoyance. Lord Magnus or an associate is angry or annoyed by you right now, and you should shut up.
I would make a diagram outlining the different steps involved in shutting up, but that would be difficult. Instead, I will write it out for you.
1. Stop talking at once. This is imperative to the up-shutting process and is best done by closing the lips and not vibrating the vocal cords. The tongue and teeth, for best results, should not move.
2. If Lord Magnus (or an associate) is really and truly annoyed by you, it might be best to go away and cry in a corner.
3. Continue Step 1 (and, if necessary, step 2) until Lord Magnus has gone away or, for the best results, indefinitely. Lord Magnus is your superior and should be treated as such.
Why does shutting up benefit the world, you might ask? Well, first of all, noise pollution is a serious problem nowadays, and what you’re saying is most definitely not important enough to further pollute the Earth.
It is possible that Lord Magnus or an associate has a headache. Shutting up will help relieve Lord Magnus’ (or an associate’s) pain.
The most important reason to shut up is that what you’re saying is almost definitely stupid and/or annoying and/or wrong. In the first case, your attention span has probably run out by now, and you have stopped reading the essay in order to stare at a shiny object. In the second case, shutting up should be your top priority, rather than Gilligan’s Island or whatever else you have been whining about in an obnoxious-sounding voice for so long. If you are wrong, your opinions deserve no merit in society, and it may be necessary for you to go away and cry in a corner.
One more reason you should shut up is that someone else almost definitely has something more important to say and you may not allow this person a word in edgewise. This person may be more important than you --i.e. a teacher, moderator, Lord Magnus, etc. If you would shut up, you might actually learn something, rather than trying to force your stupid and/or annoying and/or wrong opinions on others.
I hope it is now clear to you that shutting up is a great option for the future. Now shut up and give the essay back to Lord Magnus.
Originally posted by Lord Magnus
The Benefits of Shutting UpAn Essay
By Lord Magnus
If you have this essay in your hands and/or are reading it online, it has been given and/or posted to you by Lord Magnus or an associate. This means that you should shut up right about now. Shutting up is probably defined in the dictionary as something along the lines of slang: to be quiet and stop talking. Usually used in anger or annoyance. That’s right; anger or annoyance. Lord Magnus or an associate is angry or annoyed by you right now, and you should shut up.
I would make a diagram outlining the different steps involved in shutting up, but that would be difficult. Instead, I will write it out for you.1. Stop talking at once. This is imperative to the up-shutting process and is best done by closing the lips and not vibrating the vocal cords. The tongue and teeth, for best results, should not move.
2. If Lord Magnus (or an associate) is really and truly annoyed by you, it might be best to go away and cry in a corner.
3. Continue Step 1 (and, if necessary, step 2) until Lord Magnus has gone away or, for the best results, indefinitely. Lord Magnus is your superior and should be treated as such.
Why does shutting up benefit the world, you might ask? Well, first of all, noise pollution is a serious problem nowadays, and what you’re saying is most definitely not important enough to further pollute the Earth.
It is possible that Lord Magnus or an associate has a headache. Shutting up will help relieve Lord Magnus’ (or an associate’s) pain.
The most important reason to shut up is that what you’re saying is almost definitely stupid and/or annoying and/or wrong. In the first case, your attention span has probably run out by now, and you have stopped reading the essay in order to stare at a shiny object. In the second case, shutting up should be your top priority, rather than Gilligan’s Island or whatever else you have been whining about in an obnoxious-sounding voice for so long. If you are wrong, your opinions deserve no merit in society, and it may be necessary for you to go away and cry in a corner.
One more reason you should shut up is that someone else almost definitely has something more important to say and you may not allow this person a word in edgewise. This person may be more important than you --i.e. a teacher, moderator, Lord Magnus, etc. If you would shut up, you might actually learn something, rather than trying to force your stupid and/or annoying and/or wrong opinions on others.
I hope it is now clear to you that shutting up is a great option for the future. Now shut up and give the essay back to Lord Magnus.
If you wrote that, well, that's really sad.