Look into the Heart of A Soulja

This one is straight from my heart. Dedicated to those whose lives became jadded because of their fathers.

Without Your Heart

Its scary how crazy a boy can become
But I guess its true what they say, like father like son
My father drank away my memory, I drank away his
Hed sign the certificate, and id write this
Back in 85 I was born in the hospital
No father to teach me what or what not ta do
So I did it all, and had some regrets
my step dad had his hands round ma neck
fist fightin my knuckles the ones that paid the cost
just a man I fought when I got pissed off
my mom says shes not mad but I got my doubts
cuz when I mentioned u she threatned to kick my ass out
imagine bein 16, learnin to shave
by urself in the bathroom, cutting ya face
that was ur role, to teach me everything u knew
I learnt everything myself as I slowly grew
20 years old now, not looking for a hand out
got no anger inside, cuz dad im a man now
And one day ill have a son, that’s just my fate
To raise him how I wasn’t raised, that be the right way
But ive learnt to be careful, I need to slow my pace
I don’t want my son feelin like hes a mistake
Ive had my share of women, but enough is enough
My son will be birthed from a women that I actually love
I was the first born, at 17 a gift from my heavan
But my mom said she only wanted my lil sis
I was a mistake, and lord knows that I felt it
But I Gotta play my hand, how the lord dealt it
How could u run away and leave behind your blood?
I just want u too know, …. that I never felt loved
But its alright dad, I was alone from the start
But im Curious as to how u can live with a missin piece of ya heart
You can deny it all you want, but dad ive been told
That when u leave something behind your heart grows a hole
And sometimes that hole can never be fixed
You probably forgot my voice, jus so u know its chris…..

This goes out to anyone who missed a shot at love.

One Chance

If you let them go/
They will eventually leave/
A lesson to be learned/
So heres a message from me/
Hold on forever/
Never forget your first dance/
Hold on a little longer/
Cause you only get one chance/

I've learned a lesson today, one should never let go/
If you were once in love, you wont find love in the next hoe/
Your heart belongs in one place, a place I have left/
A place I let go, A place I regret/
I let you go once, and took you back with open arms/
But I did it again, I had to, I never meant you no harm/
I am sorry for what I've done, and I think about it now/
Sit silently with a tear in my eye, deep down I shout out loud/
What have I done, And what could i have done to fix it/
I had so many opportunities that i was to quick to miss it/
Now I sit lonely, with noone but my one friend/
I know what your thinkin, but im talkin about my one pen/
The one thing that I havent hurt/
The one thing my curse hasnt cursed/
But you werent so lucky, my pain hit you hard/
I didnt want this to happen, so now it hits my heart/
The only time I tell you how i feel is when Im hurtin/
Im too nervous, its not on purpose, Im still learnin/
I dont know what feelings are, but I know how i feel/
I know how to F*** things up, but how do i deal?

If you let them go/
They will eventually leave/
A lesson to be learned/
So heres a message from me/
Hold on forever/
Never forget your first dance/
Hold on a little longer/
Cause you only get one chance/

I know now your feelings have changed, I've known for a while/
You know im not like this, being opens not my style/
And maybe thats my problem, and you've found the solution/
I just hope your happy, I hope you figured out your confusion/
Im not askin for you back, I made my mistake, its over/
I will move on like you have, just with my life a little colder/
I dont have all the answers, I have as many questions as you/
In fact listen closely, because I have a confession for you/
No, I never cheated, I cant let you get it confused with rappin/
I told you I would move on, I confess, the truth is I havent/
But now that I know this, moving on may become easy/
But I havent been happier than that day you come see me/
But nothing is easy, I have no idea where ill go from here/
I just wanted to tell you this, and let you know im here/
And when I told Marshall, that I was gonna wait for you/
I wasnt depressed from reality, I was amazed by its truth/
And so as always, I can only write how i feel on this screen/
No matter how much i wish, I just cant deal with a dream/

If you let them go/
They will eventually leave/
A lesson to be learned/
So heres a message from me/
Hold on forever/
Never forget your first dance/
Hold on a little longer/
Cause you only get one chance/

cry

Here's one I wrote for my gurl

The Meaning of My Heart

You are the reason my heart exists,
your love is why it beats,
if your love was absent,
the beating would simply cease.

Your tears I wish to vanquish,
your smile i wish to create,
your heart i wish to hold gently,
as to make sure it does not break.

You are the reason my heart exists,
the reality to what I've been dreaming,
my heart stores all my love,
and without you it has no meaning.

Your love is why it beats,
it would cease to be apart,
I need you more then you know,
for you are the meaning of my heart.

Heres another one for my gurl

You Got Me Now

Verse 1)
Im thinkin bout you wit every passin second/
Breathin wit you when times are hectic/
Stepped wit when times weren't accepted/
Best bet no need to perfect it/
Set wit, met wit hopes wit intentions/
Lesson ur problems i stand at attetion/
Defendin and slove em plan in sections/
I left then and fled wit ya blessons/
Went wit thoughs that your mind suggested/
New ya plots on the level that they were intended/
Stabbed the dark when my level descended/
So im glad to start i love and i said it/
You grabbed my heart so for that i really ment it/
Chanced it and for that im protectin/
Suspected naw theres no need to panic/
Im happy though through the enchantment/
Filled wit love like dicaprio in titanic/
The atlantic couldnt hold the love that im sendin/
Magnify the refrence just to put in perspective/
Attetion god has sent an angel from heaven/

(HooK)
I may sing on this track to make u say wow/
Nething for u cuz u got me *now*/
And with you ill tell u everything/
Knowin at the end ur still gonna be with me/
Not only on the track but ill work the flow/
Always got ya back and i no u *no*/
Hold you down against whatever they send/
You got me now until the end/

(Verse 2)
Im bettin that u study my beliefs/
Settlin wit u honey ill neva leave/
Hand and hand is the picture that i see/
Plan wit this man and visions wit me/
Hates banned cuz ur kisses is a relief/
Hates canned theres no controversy/
And its there you made my mind first believe/
Thought it was all a dream like big-ie/
You made me see love and what makes it fiene/
What it brings loves got me on my lean/
I love to joke but u got me...seriously/
Us as floks will go down in history/
Take notes i love u simply/
And always the truth youll get the real me/
Just adore the grind and give ya hand to me/
And we'll be sure to beat these times that are gridy/
Feel me wit you we will cruise the city/
You abused Many Men like fifty/
But me u kept first and now im ready/
To embrace birth and bring Heat like Miami/

(HooK)
I may sing on this track to make u say wow/
Nething for u cuz u got me *now*/
And with you ill tell u everything/
Knowin at the end ur still gonna be with me/
Not only on the track but ill work the flow/
Always got ya back and i no u *no*/
Hold you down against whatever they send/
You got me now until the end/

(Verse 3)
Like I'm Gyfted cuz No One Comes Close/
Askin LIFIK who he loves the most/
PROmote u just so everybody knows/
That im here wit the one that i chose/
For fun give u the glass just so ur wrist glows/
We'll last cuz yes the kiss does holds/
You comfort when my mind wants to blow/
So dont wonder why this song is wrote/
The most family we can start, and beginins well supply/
Good writtines honesty cuz ur story i rely/
So for u this is my la-la-bye/
Any thing for you cuz u stuck-by-myside/
Im reluctin to cry cuz u came to ride/
Look in ya eyes id be fine to die/
Knowing god was right, when he had to prove/
I made a request for a gain wit nothin to lose/
He didnt test me heart or even abuse/
Just showed me a path that had good news/
Cuz i asked one wish for him to do/
And when i met u i new it came true/

(HooK x2)
I may sing on this track to make u say wow/
Nething for u cuz u got me *now*/
And with you ill tell u everything/
Knowin at the end ur still gonna be with me/
Not only on the track but ill work the flow/
Always got ya back and i no u *no*/
Hold you down against whatever they send/
You got me now until the end/

Originally posted by Tallis
Here's one I wrote for my gurl

The Meaning of My Heart

You are the reason my heart exists,
your love is why it beats,
if your love was absent,
the beating would simply cease.

Your tears I wish to vanquish,
your smile i wish to create,
your heart i wish to hold gently,
as to make sure it does not break.

You are the reason my heart exists,
the reality to what I've been dreaming,
my heart stores all my love,
and without you it has no meaning.

Your love is why it beats,
it would cease to be apart,
I need you more then you know,
for you are the meaning of my heart.

thank you

Originally posted by Tallis
thank you

Got anything more for us??

I've got tons more

**~We Both Cry~**

I hear ur voice tellin me 2 cum home
I hear tha same thing each time I talk 2 u on tha phone
You still dont want 2 give up on me
You still dont want 2 let me free

I love you much more than you'll eva kno
Care about you much more than i show
You stuk by me when otha ppl have left
Made sure i at least was a lil set

I kno i have caused u alot of pain
And I kno therez no possible way to take that away
Yet i wish you knew that im not completely heartless
Wish u knew that i love u even tho it might seem regarthless

I just wish u knew who i was more
Hope that after all i've done u still adore
I neva meant anything to cause u harm
Neva meant 4 u 2 loose ur "right arm"

But u have 2 understand that im my own person
That itz no longer ur obligation 2 teach me a lesson
U need 2 understand that u wont change my mind
No matter how many times we both cry

Dude, give me your brain and your talents, I sure need them 😖hifty:

Thank You 🙂

This one I wrote when my first love ended. Badly

**~Untitled~**

i was condensed in myst once//
pissed at missed love//
wasnt conveinced enough//
since i was fixed my trick lust//
but those who trick us//
get pricked by strict and ruff//
thorns upon graspin at loves bush//
so if ur not bleedin, ur doin just fine//
cuz what doesnt kill ya makes ya stronger in time//
this is my, remorse of a time when i//
tried to get by, threw lies, i cried//
and inside a lil peice of me died//
the day u left i wept, i can still hear the tears//
trickling down, to the ground, but my fears//
cant compare to the silence that i hear//
i stop and stare, and realize i am alone//
and the man i am, i no longer own//
or know who he is, or who hes supposed//
to be, but supposedly, hes supposed to be//
with u, and i knew that this was true//
so i was confused, and i drowned my pain away//
and to this day im still drowning, what can i say//
till this bottles hollow, i cannot live another day//
i pray, for a time when nothing matters///
and the thoughts stop of, why dont i have her?//
i cant tell her how i feel, just a waste of breathe//
even though she dont love me i dont love her any less//
i confess, i dont deserve such pefection//
i drown my life away, pained from her deception....

**~What Would You Do?~**

What would yousay, If you have a blade to your neck/
How long would you pray, if ur left facin death/
A Last minute decision, you only get one guess/
What would you say, if you only had one breath?/
Imagine being the victim, In a hostage situtation/
Your given strict orders, and you try not to break em/
One word from your mouth, and your life is over/
With a gun to your head, and ya cant fight the holder/
How far would you go, If you were made to do it/
Keep all this mind, coz its way too late to lose it/
Would you run for your life, just to try and save it/
But think for a second, what if you didnt make it..

What would you say?
And What would you do?
Would you do anything?
If you life was up to you?
Would you take the chance?
Or would you wait for help?
Man what would you do?
If you had to save yourself/
What would you say?
If you were about to be shot/
What would you do/
If it was you in that spot/
What would you do/
What would you do?
What would you do if your life was up to you/
Where would you stand/
Where would you stand/
Where would you stand if your life was in your hands/

What would you do, If It was you held at gun point/
Would you just wait?, man its gonna end at sum point/
That could be your death, would you take the chance?/
Would you think up a plan, To grab the blade in his pants/
You should think now, so you'll be ready if it happened/
Man, Dont be the reason, why your son turned to rappin/
So many people have fell, to this insane desperation/
So take that little fact, and make it an inspiration/
You dont need to be, A person left blank in danger/
You dont need to have, your life in the hand of a stranger/
You dont need to die, Thats why I make this song/
You dont need to cry, Cmon, you need to stay strong/
There are ways to prevent, And even more to provoke/
I bet that these victims, didnt know that before they spoke/

What would you say?
And What would you do?
Would you do anything?
If you life was up to you?
Would you take the chance?
Or would you wait for help?
Man what would you do?
If you had to save yourself/
What would you say?
If you were about to be shot/
What would you do/
If it was you in that spot/
What would you do/
What would you do?
What would you do if your life was up to you/
Where would you stand/
Where would you stand/
Where would you stand if your life was in your hands/

cry

**~Her Past~**

I watch how she changed, from whore to engadged//
her past left as past, but in our future it still remains//
and although the names, as well as those mens faces//
havent been seen in many years, i can never erase it//
i see them as i lie ontop, and when its me that lies//
i see them everytime she screams, while i am deep inside//
i view it everytime she cries, when she thinks that i dont see//
i wonder if she speaks to memories, when she says that she loves me//
i feel the pressure to be the best, because I cannot be the only//
and when i hold her late at night, somehow i still feel lonley//
somehow she says she knows me, but she doesnt know the bad//
and of how i dont want to be, with what every man has already had//
but ive always taken chances, and this time i know I should//
and even though i hate the act, its just never felt so good....

**~Closer Than Enemies~**

I see him standing there, his face pasty white
Whats wrong boy, aint you man enough to fight?
To push to your benefits, to write some crazy lines?
The only time I'm holdin back is when I break past your spine
Your worthless, you can't even see past some glass
Keep reaching for the stars, because this heat's past your grasp
Stop staring at me, trying to catch on to my style
Boy yah standing so still, yah swear your on trial
I can see yah thinking, wishing if you could just be me
Well to tell yah the truth, consider your self lucky
Trust me, that what I encounter, isn't luxury or power
My insecurities could eat me alive, I'm a coward
I'm no better than you I wish I was in your position
Mimicing my style, atleast than I wouldn't have to listen
Or live a life where I feel everythings a lie
Two steps in my shoes, the agony is worse than suicide
Your my worst enemy, I'll never trust you again
We use to be close, but we'll never be at ammends
If I was you atleast I'd be fake, and have no fe-ar
I mean look at me, I wish I was the one in the mirror

**~Was'nt Meant to Live~**

I wasnt ment to live, i was wrong from the begining
that gods gift to me, was simply that of living
why does everything right always turn to a wrong?
why is everyone i loved...suddenly gone?
I tried to look at the world with emotion and morality
seeing threw tear filled eyes because they blured my reality
i dont understand, this neverending story
of pain and depression, agression and mourning
i wasnt ment to live, gods design for me was death
to leave a message in a bottle for generation-next
i have fought just to live, an unattainable goal
how can i live.... when i already lost my soul?
morning light ends, dark night starts
a single tear sheds, a shadow in the dark...

too wrongs dont make a right, never a right to make wrong
because wrong is all that exists when your soul is gone....
soulless monster, constantly deprived of his right
to breathe in air, to take a deep breath of life
when your not ment to live, and death is certain
you try so hard to find something thats perfect
by doing that it seems the end justifies the means
but the only time i found perfect, was in darkness of my dreams...

my scars will heal, my pain will finish
my heart will heal when my sparks diminished
I will never see hell for i am too strong to fall
ill be in heavan sitting on a cloud watching over you all...
why do i feel as though, im on a higher plain?
and that noone understands, all the feelings that i gave?
i only wanted to leave knowledge, in hopes u find cures
but I never could save my soul, how could i save yours?

when the lights dim, and i see the glow
somewhere in the shadows i can feel my soul
distant and out of body, but so close and near
and for a single moment, i can shed a single tear
i lay awake and that tear falls in the absent light
and then its gone ...nothing more then a shadow in the night.....

**~Gods Pain~**

Positioning myself in the triumph of his finalised view
Aranging my life's long metaphore,but still unsure what to do
acusations being made,but I solemly understand why
to read the sripture of a enternal damnation's revealing lie

Enter
many years have past thru time's of anguish and despair
basically have reached A point in time,were I no longer care
The love for your earth remained,but now extracted
i tried to use natural disaster's,no tone human reacted
My spin retracted relising I lost control of earth
i can no longer live like a still born's dry bloodless birth
I shall kamikaze myself,destroying all creation's
this is the truth,how i will carry out eternal damnation

tears enter my cheeks presence, I procced to pause
I feel empty like like a coffin holding a eroded corpse
couragously I attack god,explaining it isnt his right
he told me "kid i dont have time to sleep at night..
.im continusily fixing the brainless problems created
all for a ******* world,filled people that seemingly hate it
Ive watched 5 yr old kastro's mold into the devils advocate
Humans no longer slit wrist's, simply stab at it
I see this all,someone thinking they alone, I witness it
You need to be aware,the pain I feel kids submit it
20 BC I sacrafised for them,2000 I still daily feel the pain
You gotta relise, there thoughts are mine, I cant conceal my brain

**~Souls Suicide~**

verse 1:

I am completley incomplete, the voices speak
noone hears my screams, the noise is weak
this bottles my heart, this lighter my brain
this pen is my god, addictions my name
i scream and shout, i feel it drifting
i search for nothing, what am i missing?

chorus:

Lonley heart, my soul has left me
my body aches, my chest is empty
so lonley, but still i go on
my soul hates what ive become....

verse 2:

I walk in solitude down this empty road
when the day is done, i am all i know
now here i am, not knowin who to be
and without my soul, its confusing me
i shed a tear, the day it died
gone, withered, a souls suicide.....

chorus:

Lonley heart, my soul has left me
my body aches, my chest is empty
so lonley, but still i go on
my soul hates what ive become....

**~A Heaven for Gangstas~**

Hook:
Is there a Heaven for gangstas, or our we doomed to walk the Earth,
Even though you ain't here with me dawg, I'll rep yo name on my shirt,
We used to roll thick as thieves, but now everyday I ride by myself,
Until tha day that I die, I'm gonna keep your picture on bedside shelf,

Verse 1
I remeber back in 97, we holler at that girls from up the parkway,
And I even think that one day, you hooked with tha chick named Charlay,
We used to go to the court and shoot hoops cause we known as ballas,
You even threw some M-80s in mean ass Ms. Hattie's 68' Impala,
But now you not here, and I miss my main dawg so bad it hurts,
The only time I get see to you, is at graveyard, buried six feet in tha dirt,
I want you to be here, we were greatest, something like Kobe and Shaq,
If I could find those mother****ers that got you, I'd put 6 shots in they back,
Those niggaz were pussy, and I'll make sure to get at those wankstas,
Until then, please let me know if there is a Heaven for the gangstas,

Hook:
Is there a Heaven for gangstas, or our we doomed to walk the Earth,
Even though you ain't here with me dawg, I'll rep yo name on my shirt,
We used to roll thick as thieves, but now everyday I ride by myself,
Until tha day that I die, I'm gonna keep your picture on bedside shelf,

**~Blind~**

When you fall so deep in love..your eyes is blind
you dunno what's goin on..can't feel what's breakin inside
one day you open your eyes..dat's when you realize
but it's too late..approaching your fate..a life you wanna hate
i always wondered what love really meant
was it the time, the sex, or the money that i spent
thought i lived a happy life..everything's goin well
but when i looked into reality.. my life was hell
my fear of commitment..was so misleading
you left without a trace now my soul is bleeding
my mind deceiving..i'm living in doubt with nothing to believe in

you must understand..how i'm feeling inside
i know it's hurtin..but dat's the way i'm living life
i need some time..so listen up..i wanna change your mind
i wanna make you see how you were so blind

so when we started out you loved my flow..dat's the way we shoulda rolled
kept telling me you loved me so..you'd never wanna let me go
got played again whatever yo..i hope this pain don't stay for mo
can't take this **** and dat's fa sho..internal death you'll never know
so how could you juss fake love..yo how could you juss break us
i know times in life are really rough..keep confidence up high above
remember father keeps you tough..shows you the way n keeps it up
it hurts? i know what thats like..learn from mistakes n make it right

you made me panic..you made me lose all my self control
i protected n respected you when troubles unfold
i'd shield you from danger or abuse..you denied me n declined me
seemed like you were amused..i felt like i was used
inside i cherished every part..still i..loved you from the start
while you tore my precious heart apart
scattered n shattered..neva asked "what's the matter with you?"
even that you couldn't do..i admired you boo..i was countin on you
attempting to change my mind and change my style n change my pride
am i wasting my time?..do i need to get you back in line?
its all ****..you ruined me..and i'm done with it
only Lord knows the truth about me and you
and who was true..and who was fooled..ya you know too
gurl u know you did wrong for so long
i know you gone but when i'm done i hope you feelin the song

you hurt me so badly..i don't comprehend why u did this to me
how could you put this **** on me..after all i'd do for you
take care of you and walk you through
why you gotta be so blind for..you think you play the gangsta hardcore
i gave you time..i can't change ur mind
i can't make u see..i guess that you're still blind