The Final Battle with Voldemort

It's a decent story, but there are a number of things that could be done better.

First of all, slow it down. You're moving way too quickly. Take your time, and add more details. Describe what the environment looks like, or how actions are being done, or even what people may be looking like or wearing.

Secondly, read over your work. There are too many mistakes, both in spelling and grammar. Are you typing this in Word, or on another word processor? If you aren't, you certainly should. It's much better than typing "on the fly," and you can catch your mistakes more easily.

Third, you need to think about what you are planning to write--what you want to mean--beforehand. A few things I found in the story were illogical and probably wouldn't happen in a Harry Potter book. While you don't need to follow exactly Rowling's style, or what you think she'll write, it helps to have your events and actions organized and logical.

Continue the story, as it is, in my opinion, better than many of the others on here. 😉

i would type more than what i did, but I got my own stories to work on that need a lot of attention ^_^

I was wondering if u could read my story and tell me wut u think I no its not that good ive only had a few people read it and id like mur 2 though...its called Harry Potter and the Prophecy Fulfilled ...and plzzz continue urs its much better then mine!

ok thanks H. S. 6 I was wondering what I was missing in detail I couldn't figure it out thanks.

Im writing on Microsoft word processor,

And I still need to figure out how to do a spoiler on here so Pm how to do thanks

“Leave, Ginny. I need to talk to Harry,” Ron said, unable to hold back the fear in his voice. He was really scared apparently, because even Ginny laughed at Ron as went outside.

Chapter three

Harry’s Possessed!

“What is it, Ron?” Harry asked, simultaneously watching Ginny leave the room and thinking of how beautiful she was.

“Harry… HARRY!” Ron screamed, trying to get Harry’s attention. Ron thought to himself and repeated himself.

“Yeah—what?” Harry said, annoyed because Ron was getting on his nerves. He always interrupts Harry’s train of thought.

“We need to go,” Ron said urgently, staring at Harry’s blank expression.

“Why?” Harry questioned, keen to hear reasoning behind why they had to leave.

“He-who-must-named has been sighted around here, so Mom said for us to leave,” Ron explained. He was worried for Harry; for some reason, he had seemed strangely distracted lately.

That Ron thought got Harry’s attention as Harry got up really quick. Harry suddenly stood up on his feet and found himself shouting at his best friend.

“WHAT? VOLDEMORT, HERE?! YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!” Harry yelled as Ron flinched as Harry said Voldemort and as Harry‘s face changed to a puzzled look to an angry look.

“Get over me saying Voldemort!” Harry said, annoyed. Tired of hearing his friend always flinching when someone said Voldemort.

Five minutes later, Harry was ready to leave the Burrow, the one place he never wanted to leave early. He hated he had to leave the Burrow, it was like a home away from home when he wasn’t at Hogwarts.

Why does he have to ruin EVERYTHING?” Harry said, his anger at a boiling point (something that reached its peak a long time ago). He hit the ground in fury, and for a split second Ron thought he saw Harry’s eyes change color.

“Don’t ask me, mate, but come on. Let’s go,” offered Ron, looking at the door again. He was worried that Harry would do something stupid especially when he saw Harry’s eye change color.

“No, I will not leave. If he wants me then let him come—I’ve got a surprise for him” Harry chuckled madly while looking at Ron’s puzzled expression.

Harry thought to himself for a few minutes about what to do as he watched Ginny‘s small figure running to the Burrow. Why did she go outside Harry thought to himself. He watched as Ginny ran up the porch wearing those cute clothes that Harry had got her a year ago.

Ron left the room and walked down the stairs. At the table sat Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ron’s parents waiting patiently for the others . After a moment Ron said that Harry wasn’t leaving; he was staying. Mrs. Weasley apparently wasn’t going to stand for this and then looked at her husband then said to Ron and the others.

“No, he is not!” Mrs. Weasley said, “He isn’t ready to face him yet!”

She felt sorry for Harry because he had to get Voldemort in the end. But he wasn’t ready Mrs. Weasley had his best interests at heart.

“ Molly, get Ginny and Hermione. I will talk to Harry,” Mr. Weasley said forcefully as Ginny walked in the house looking scared and ran to Ron‘s room. She was going to warn Harry that she just saw Voldemort but he already knew.

“Fine, but hurry up. He’ll be here at any moment!” Mrs. Weasley explained fearfully looking towards her husband

“Ron, help your mother,” ordered Mr. Weasley looking at room as Ron turned around to go back upstairs..

Mr. Weasley walked up the stairs and he thought to himself as he was walking up the stairs. He hated to leave this house but if I can leave so can he! Then he reached Ron’s room and opened the door. He immediately noticed Ginny curled up on Harry; she was looking up at his face fearfully.

“Please, Harry… don’t wait for Voldemort! Please leave with us!” she said, crying, because he wouldn’t listen to her no matter what she said, she then noticed her father walk in and dried her tears up.

He walked around and around the room glancing at everything but Ginny then he finally spoke. He knew he must say this if something ever happened, he had to do this so he said it.

“Ginny, look—I love you. I’ve got to stay and fight no matter what happens, and if I die, I want you to know that I died like a man, instead of hiding from him, and don‘t worry I‘m not going to have it all here I need him to know that I’m going to get him, for everything he’s done to me.” Harry explained this to Ginny hoping she would understand.

He noticed for the first time how much Ginny really loved him, he looked at her face and saw those cute freckles that reminded Harry of Ron. He really was in love with here but he had to do this in the end no matter how much pain he was in, he had to do it.

“ No, Harry, you will not stay here” Mr. Weasley said interrupting Harry’s and Ginny's conversation and trying to help him in the long run.

Harry was in shock he didn’t realize that Mr. Weasley was in the room he was only aware that Ginny was. He even felt that Mr. Weasley felt his pain that’s why he wasn’t screaming. He had to do this no matter what even if no one was behind him in his decision.

“ No, Mr. Weasley. I can’t run. He’ll continue to track me down until he kills me, or I kill him.” Harry said to Mr. Weasley, staring directly into his eyes looking at Mr. Weasley tired expression.

Mr. Weasley then sighed and looked at Harry‘s determined expression and looked at his daughters fearful expression and then he looked at the window then looked downstairs. He walked towards the door and finally said.

“Fine, Harry. I understand. We will leave you here,” Mr. Weasley said quietly, unable to convince Harry to come with them.

So Mr. Weasley hugged Harry goodbye, turned at the door, and croaked “It’s been nice to know you, Harry. May you be safe for now.” Looking at Harry’s sad expression. Then he walked down the stairs and sat on the final step. Thinking about how much Harry was really like James, he always stood up to an challenge.

“ I...I.... Love...you,” Ginny said, unable to hold the emotion in her voice. She knew that Harry wouldn’t mind her crying, so she immediately ran up to him and kissed him. Sitting next to him on the comfy bed.

“ I...love you too,” He answered silently, holding Ginny in his arms, unable to think of anything to say to her to make her feel better.

wow, wicked story but harry has gotta die in the finnal fight, i think that is the only way to go 👿 😗
ps the books are way better than the films and the acting is terrible 😘

Ok first of all no one comment " It's to early in the story for this" OK there is a surprise in this so wait till my next post and you'll understand it
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All of the sudden, Harry fell on his knees, screaming in pain. He was rolling around on the ground, clutching his scar which was burning red. Mr. Weasley came up the stairs, alarmed by the screams, followed by Ron, Hermione, Mrs. Weasley and the Order. Every one of them bore a look of frightened bewilderment on their faces.

“What happened, Ginny?!” shouted Mrs. Weasley over Harry’s screams. She was watching Harry rolling around on the ground in pain.

“ I don’t know!” she replied, terrified. “All I know is that we were talking, and then he fell on the ground, holding his scar!” cried Ginny.

“Well, something had to happen!” Mr. Weasley said, not noticing Ginny was crying. Hermione went up to her and gave her a hand. They were about to walk out of the room when they stopped in shock.

Harry was going silent. After a second, he stood up, and everyone gasped at what they saw. Harry no longer looked like himself. He had cold, white, empty eyes and a darker voice. He looked around the room and laughed wildly.

“Haha… Hello, weaklings,” said a cold, heartless voice.

“ Who... are....... you?” Ginny said in between sobs. She was hoping that Harry was playing around but she found out that he wasn’t.

“ Hello, Ginny,” Harry said, looking at her in mock amazement. “I’m surprised that Harry would pick you as a girlfriend,” he finished, smirking.

“Voldemort?” Ginny said frightened to death as she watched Harry’s figure pacing around the room.

“Don’t speak in my presence, filthy blood traitor.” Harry was forced to say, finally stopping in front of Ginny. He reached out his hands and was about to grab her, but a white shield appeared in front of Ginny. What happened next even frightened Voldemort.

“No you don’t!” shouted Harry, as a silvery form of his body appeared in front of Ginny.

“ Harry?” Ginny said confused.

“ Bloody hell” Ron said confused about what he was seeing. How could there be two Harry’s.

Harry walked into his real body and was in control of himself again as the figure of Voldemort appeared between Harry and Ginny.

“How did you do that?!” ordered Voldemort, shocked at Harry “ apparently you do have dark powers inside you, join me or die Harry.”

He looked at Harry for a moment and then Harry shook his head and walked in front Ginny and looked at her like he always looked at someone when they are in danger. Then he moved again on the other side of the room and then chuckled.

“I can.” Harry said, reaching for his wand, staring at everyone to get out of the way.

“I fear I underestimated you, Harry,” Voldemort said. “But you want to duel me? HA,” he spat. “Don’t make me laugh.” he finished, going after Ginny.

“OH NO YOU DON’T!” Harry screamed. Thinking quickly, he apparated in between Ginny and Voldemort “SECTUMSEMPRA!”

Voldemort was surprised because, although he had muttered a counter-curse, it couldn’t block the entire spell, and he was forced to apparate and re-apparate to avoid being hit. Then he looked at Harry madly.

Voldemort cried out in frustration. “Potter, I’ll kill you!” He hissed madly. “AVADA KEDAVRA!” And with that, he disappeared with a crack.

Also if you want to know the secret then

Spoiler:
PM me

Spoiler:
and I'll tell you

great story keep it up (i liked the highlights lol)

thanks
Denniz234!!!

heres more and dont hesitate to PM on corrections
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Chapter 4

The Dream

Before the Unforgivable curse hit Harry, he woke up drenched in sweat to find it was all a dream. He must’ve fallen asleep at the Burrow because Ron was snoring very loud. He looked over startled at Ron because he heard whimpering from Ron.

“No not them... anything but hem please” wept Ron, Harry chuckled softly to himself of course he was dreaming of... Spiders his worst enemy.

So unable to go back to sleep thanks to Ron’s loud snores and noises, Harry crept downstairs to the kitchen to get him a midnight snack. Suddenly he heard a creek at the bottom stair and he was going to the living room but the light switch came on and there stood a sleepy Ginny.

“Harry what are you doing up at this hour? Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Ginny said after yawning looking at her boyfriends face sensing something was wrong.

“ Yeah, but with Ron snoring like he snores yeah right” Harry laughed to Ginny. Harry just looked at her for a moment staring at her face then he turned quickly and walked outside.

Ginny followed him sensing this could be their only private moment. Harry walked to the front yard and sat down on the swing in front of the Burrow. Ginny then sat down right next to him and they talked and talked about everything except what Harry didn’t want her to know. Harry really did enjoy being with Ginny, hell he loved it he was always full of energy when he was with her but when they were apart he would stare in space for hours. Harry quickly learned everything Ginny liked to what she hated, to his surprise he learned that she hated when he had to leave her for more then he really needed to. Harry sensing that this would be a good relationship finally opened up to her about everything from his fears to his desires, you could tell that Harry really did love her after all even when he didn’t want to love her, he still did.

“ Damn, Ginny we need to go it’s already five in the morning.” Harry said astonished at how quickly time flew by when he was with her.

The whole time that it took to get to the house Harry stared at Ginny’s pretty face which made Ginny wonder if something was wrong with her face. But every time she asked he would say nothings wrong then look at her face again. When they were at the door Harry stopped and kissed her while grabbing her around the waist, pulling her close to him he loved the way Ginny looked at him, the way she looked at him made him forget all his problems. When they walked in the house they tipped toed to the couch in the house and they sat down and went instantly asleep.

When Harry woke up that morning he was alone no one was home, he began to wonder where they were as he walked around the house trying to find someone. He then decided that they were at Diagon alley, which they were at because a note said so on Ginny‘s door. He walked down to the table to find there was a big plate of food on the table and he sat down and ate his mashed potatoes, chicken, and ham. Wow now that is a lunch Harry said to himself stuffed. Harry was walking outside today to get an appetite when Mrs. Weasley got home because she was cooking early today for Harry’s birthday which was today.

So he walked around the Burrow noticed everything around it he look at the little gnomes scurrying around the garden. He decided that he would practice his magic since no one was around. So he muttered Petrificus Trotalus and grabbed the tiny gnomes hand and threw them over the fence. He then stared at the sun which was a shade of orange today meaning it was very hot. Then Harry was going for the Burrow to go back asleep when he heard and felt it.
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Sorry it was short as usual comment!!!!!!!!

BRILL ur a legend

Thanks Denniz234 im might be good but Im not a legend!!!==============================================

It felt cold and horrible, like Harry was losing everything he felt all of his happiness leave him. Of course dementors Harry thought to himself. But when he saw the hooded figure it wasn’t a dementor, it was like one but it was creepier then a regular dementors. It glided across the ground hovering, looking at Harry for a moment. Then it slowly raised it’s hand and when it did it made Harry go insane. He began screaming, he couldn’t stop it, he didn’t know what to do, this wasn’t a regular dementor it was more powerful. But what happened next scared the hell out of Harry, the new foe began to speak.

“Harry.... it’s time you die” the dementor screeched as he pulled his other hand up and put them together.

“What the hell are you” Harry said frightening of what this enemy could do.

“Oh... I’m a Demon” the Demon screeched again looking at Harry from under it’s hood.

Then Harry thought for a second and raised his wand and spoke “Expecto Patronum” thinking of Ginny and a stag erupted out of his wand and charged at the Demon. Slowly the Demon raised it’s hand and the stag stopped in midair galloping towards the Demon but it couldn’t move. Harry looked at the Demon, he couldn’t think straight he didn’t know what to do and if he didn't’ do something he was going to die. After a moment the Stag disappeared and then Harry was lost, he found himself thinking against himself.

“Idiot” Harry thought
“Like you got room to talk” Harry said.
“Oh yeah the great Harry Potter was going to die cause he couldn’t beat a silly Demon” Harry thought.
“Whatever” Harry said again.

Then something clicked he didn’t know what it was but when Harry thought of himself losing and dieing the Demon retreated. Thinking of all that pain made Harry passed out. It must be their weakness Harry thought to himself before he passed out.

He awoke later to find himself in his bed in Ron’s room he looked around and saw Ginny in the corner of the room crying. He thought to himself for a second hoping.... praying she wasn’t crying because of him, he had already caused enough pain to the Weasley’s especially.... Ginny. So he slowly tried to get up but he fell back down in pain he must’ve broke his arm he thought to himself.

“Hey Gin what’s wrong?” Harry said barely able to talk, he winced in pain as a small red head threw her body to Harry.

“Harry, you all right” said Ginny wiping away the tears that had fallen from her eyes because of her pain.

“Yeah, I’m fine but are you? Why are you crying” Harry said in pain trying to sit up but he kept falling back.

“Because we thought you were dead after that creature left he muttered something and then you screamed and stopped breathing. We all were worried Mom, Dad, Ron, and Hermione were sad the whole day. If it wasn’t for me you would have been dead, I saw the creature and told Dad and Mom and they ran over as the creature left.” Ginny said shakily then all of the sudden she kissed him on those cold lips of Harry’s.

“Wow, Gin thanks for saving me. I love you” Harry said as his felling had got the best of him at that moment.

Harry then fell back in pain again he didn’t know what was going on why was his arm hurting so much. He looked at his arm for the first time and saw a deep gash on it. He felt cold again, he didn’t know why but he felt cold. He looked at Ginny’s face she was crying again she wanted to help him but she didn’t know how. Harry scooted over on his bed to make room for Ginny, when he was against the wall he patted his hands on the smooth, cold bed as a signal for Ginny to come over, she did so as he watched her take off her shoes off and then sat on the bed and laid down next to Harry pulling the covers up because he was cold. So Harry scooted again next to Ginny and put his hand around her and fell asleep. Ginny was still thinking, but she decided that she would for get about it so she did and she fell asleep next to her boyfriend....

He awoke that morning to find that Ginny was still asleep next to Harry, he wished it could stay that way forever but it couldn’t and he knew it. He kissed on the lips softly and got up and walked out the room but Ginny woke up soon as he got off the bed. He stumbled but before he hit the floor Ginny got up and caught him and held him for a moment before letting go.

“Thanks Ginny I appreciated it. I must not be strong enough to move on my own.” Harry said embarrassed for saying that to Ginny but he realized after that moment that he could tell Ginny embarrassing things and she wouldn’t care.

As Harry walked downstairs with Ginny right next to him, he felt Ginny was hiding something but he ignored it for now anyways.

“Ok Gin I think I can make the rest of the way. Ok” Harry said.

Ginny nodded and let go but she was still close to him, in case he fell. He noticed that and smiled at Ginny the way Ginny loved and she smiled back before turning and going to Harry’s bed. Harry slowly walked to the kitchen and was surprised because everyone was there and they all saw Harry. He swayed at the spot and almost fell down but he caught himself and leaned on the wall.

“So what happened Harry?” said Mr. Weasley pouring him a cup of tea that gives energy to the drinker.

Harry slowly took the cup and sat down in between Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and looked around at everyone before he spoke in a whisper.

After everyone had heard what had happened he left and when back upstairs falling every few steps he took. With every step he took he felt his energy slipping away from him when he finally reached the door to Ron’s room he walked in and saw Ginny on his bed waiting for him. He looked at her for a moment and began to get lightheaded again. He looked at Ginny with fear on his face behind Ginny a Demon was outside!

“Ginny run now. Go tell the others that the Demon is here” He said fearfully, he was worried because he couldn’t do anything to help he was losing his will quickly and then he passed out.

Ginny looked in horror there it was a tall, black long figure floating outside she ran downstairs and warned the others that a Demon was here and then she ran back upstairs with her Dad. Mr. Weasley put Harry on his bed and Ginny went on the bed with him as Mr. Weasley put a charm over his bed so Harry would be safe.

Mr. Weasley and the others walked outside and saw the Demon he was going for Harry!

“What but how I put a charm over him so he wouldn’t be able to leave his bed” Mr. Weasley said astonished looking at Harry standing there closest to the Demon.

“Mr. Weasley and others in a minute I will use a spell I invented, it’s very dark magic and I won’t be surprised if you won’t trust me after this” Harry said looking at the Demon still which was began to hover towards Harry.

Then Harry looked at the Demon with a determined expression and then said “Leght knoad” and then a wave of light came out of Harry’s wand, dark light. It covered Harry and the Demon was paralyzed Harry then raised his wand and said “Knoad Leght” and the light swallowed the Demon and killed it. When the light disappeared away from Harry he looked at the others with a triumphed expression. However he wasn’t greeted back with one then he passed out again.

Spoiler:
BTW I made the Leght Knoad and Knoad Leght up so its not going to be a spell in JKR's book!

very good keep it up!!!

it's getting good..still kind of jumpy in my mind...hard to follow at some points but you'll learn..good job!

Well it's a good start....It's kind of sporadic, and the beginning of it has way too much dialogue....

Dialogue is good sometimes, but you cant outweigh the bulk of the story with it.

That's the problem with most aspiring/ fanfiction authors...They try to tell the story through communication, because it's much easier....But there are other horizons of writing that doesn't need such dialogue....Even forms of communication with out dialogue.

Ie: Harry looked up and saw what Ginny wanted to say. Her eyes told the whole story. Shaking his head, Harry turned away from the red-headed teen, hoping his actions answered Ginny's unasked question.

alright u mite not be a legend but ur better than quite good ur excellent keep posting!!

To all my readers(if I have any) I won't post today or maybe not even tomorrow. And I'm thinking on an idea for the story.

And Pm me if you have a idea you would like to see in this story.

Spoiler:
and I might put it in the story

ok I know it's short but it is better then nothing especialally(sorry if I spelled wrong) since Im typing with a finger that is messed up oh well here it goes and don't forgot to comment!
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When he awoke up later on he found out he wasn’t going to be greeted with smiles but instead looks of suspension. He looked at the red headed teen Ginny, in hopes that he could at least get a smile from here but oh wrong he was. She looked at him like he was crazy, her eyes were as big as Galleons. She looked again at Harry fearfully hoping that what just happened was a figment of her imagination. She turned her freckled face to her friend Hermione and saw that she too was thinking the same thought as she was: Is this the real Harry, and if so what side is he on?”
There was a long silence after the black hooded Demon had been killed, Harry began to worry that they would figure that he is dangerous when he really wasn’t. After the thought of that creeping in mind and not going away, he slowly sat down on the ground and looked at everyone else for moments before switching. The sun began to play hide and seek behind the clouds as Harry was lost in thought again waiting for Mr. Weasley to say something but it was clear that they all thought he was on the dark side. The red headed teen Ginny began to slowly walk to Harry to comfort him but was stopped by her Dad because he stuck out his arm to stop her and signaling for her not to move. Finally Mr. Weasley spoke confused apparently, as he didn’t know to trust Harry because he just used a severely complicated dark spell so he talked with a hint of sorrow in his voice.

“No Ginny, you are not allowed to go near him until I give him a truth potion. We don’t want anything to happen to you as we don’t know if that’s the real Harry. Until then Harry, if you are the real Harry I don’t have much of a choice but to say Stupefy ” as he looked at his daughter and then the paralyzed body of Harry.

it's exciting, still missing details which could make it more presentable for a reader but getting there.