Nerds Skipping Class
This Thursday I had Electronics class last, and it was a work period where all we did was our projects.
The great thing about the class is that it's a wonderful slack-off place. Especially during a work period. One of my friends in there is a bass player and the biggest "cool" nerd I have ever met. In that class, it's like permission for me to vent all my nerdiness out. It's funny how he's cool and he's a dork at the same time. I once called him granny for wearing a shawl to school.
That day the teacher was busy helping a crapload of students up front. I had $1.75 in my pocket.
"Hey, should I go to the vending machine for a pop or go to Mac's (ripoff of 7 Eleven) for a Slurpee after school?"
Ricky strokes his chin and thinks. "You know, I bet we can sneak out now and run there."
"Y'think?"
He gives me an affirmative nod and starts out the door, glancing back at the teacher, who hasn't noticed.
Once outside, he says: "Okay. Our excuse if we get caught now: We're going to the bathroom."
"Yeah, because I'm sure that real men accompany each other to the bathroom." I say sarcastically.
"All righty. Sam Fisher style." he says, miming putting the famous tri-lens goggles over his head.
We manage to make it outside....
...right into the middle of a Phys. Ed. class playing field hockey.
"Crap," he says. "The gym teachers are going to see us for sure."
I smack him over the head. "Idiot! Pretend you're on a spare!"
"Oh, yeah!"
At Mac's, half the Slurpee machines seemed to be malfunctioning or broken. The slush comes out in compressed bursts of pellets, rather than normal.
I go for Pepsi, he goes for Cream Soda.
"Damn," he says. "Look at this, man. It's like I'm drinking pink dog shit."
"Better than Pepsi-brown dog shit." I wrinkle my nose, showing him mine.
We laugh, fill with Mountain Dew, pay, and leave.
"Hey, you wanna go to Future Shop?" he says.
"What for?"
"I challenge you to a game of NHL 2K6!! Battle of Alberta, Flames vs my Oilers. Whaddya say?"
I check my watch. We could play a game and make it back with at least half an hour remaining in class. "Sure."
The nice thing about my school is that there's a nice big mall across one street, and a pizza parlour, Subway, and Mac's across the other. Very convenient.
Along the way, we talk about uber-nerd stuff. For example:
"Hey David, see if you can name ten Pokemon in thirty seconds."
"What?!"
We make it to the big screen 52" plasma TV with 2K6 on it, and start it up with 5 minutes per period.
"Wait wait wait, who's at home and who's away?" I said.
"Rock paper scissors, best two out of three." He says. "Rock, paper, scissors!"
"F*ck you!" he says. "Okay okay okay. Again. Rock, paper, scissors! F*ck you!"
I'm too busy laughing to reply.
The surround sound speakers were cranked up, and the crowd roars. We smile stupidly, savouring it. It was the most realistic hockey simulation we had ever played before.
The game starts pretty evenly, but about two minutes in I accidentally pinch up with a defenseman and he gets a breakway, which is turned away by Miikka Kiprusoff.
"And what a stop by Ladyluck that was!" I said loudly, freezing the puck.
He gives me the "🤨" look.
"Long story." I said.
I get the first goal another minute in with Dion Phaneuf rushing along the side and then cutting back.
"Mister Bacon to the corner, and he cuts back and loses his check. Mister Bacon along the boards back towards the blueline! Mister Bacon with a slapper! Mister Bacon SCORES! What a fantastic individual effort by Mister Bacon to draw first blood in this battle of Alberta!"
He cracks up. "Where the hell did you get Mr. Bacon from?"
"Long story." I said.
It was tied 3-3 at the end of regulation, Roman "Ushgarak" Hamrlik ("Long story."😉 having scored the tying goal for the Flames in the final two minutes. No score in overtime, either, so we go to a shootout with me being the play-by-play announcer.
"Here's Smyth cutting fast across the hash marks! Dekes! Stopped by Ladyluck!"
"We're not in New York, Dav - "
"Shut up, noob!"
"And here's Alpha Centauri storming up the middle! Slows down and with a fast release! Stoned by Roloson! Good effort by Roloson to cut off the angle of approach there."
"Staios is rushing in, fakes to the backhand! And the weak shot goes wide. Ricky, what the shit was that, man?"
"Shut up." he said.
"Mist in the slot, Mist winding up, it's a fake! Dekes to the outside, shoots! Off the post! NO!"
He laughes. "You suck, David!"
I smack him.
"Pronger to the slot, dekes once! Twice! Slapshot! Stopped by Ladyluck!!!"
"Damn it!"
"And here's Koala MeatPie! Storming up the front! He slows down and with a slapper! Scoooooooooooore!"
"Nooooo!" he exclaims, laughing. Probably because of KMP's bizarre name.
"It's all down to Raffe Torres, it's a score or die situation now. He starts out slowly, rushes out to the hash marks! Cuts back, wristshot! What a save! This one is over!"
"This game sucks!" he said, laughing.
"You suck!" I say, slugging him on the shoulder. "Forty-five minutes left until the bell rings. Come on."
And that's the end of my little adventure. Hope you enjoyed reading.